The best of this week’s sex-blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
This Week’s Picks Gross Spelling Errors Turn Me Off
“Here are a few other word issues that come up in sex writing that throw me off and drive me crazy.”
L’Artiste
“I want time to sip my whisky, to drink you in as you unveil yourself, as you offer your body to my steady gaze.”
The best of this week’s sex-blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
This Week’s Picks April Showers Bring May Flowers: Part II“As mentioned earlier, this is one of the biggest hurdles to overcome; this is also where mind over matter comes into play.”
Au revoir
“In the life of an eclectic slut, however, these are all warning signs.”
Ode to Anal: Why?
“Really, for me, it was the first, and one of my foremost, all encompassing sexual acts.”
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #129? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.
This Week’s Picks Fellatrices: C-u-n-n-i-l-i-n-g-u-s
“Yep, sounds like the boyfriend needs a lesson,” she affirmed. “You just need to show him where to lick.”
In Plain Sight
“She was laughing flirtatiously and he had a look of a cat that’s about to get the cream.”
Succor.
“The act of suspension removed me from my ego and placed me at the still point.”
See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.
(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)
Models. The reason men become interested in photography.
February 4th, 2008 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: February 4th, 2008
Regular readers will be glad to know I’ve now found Kyla Cole. In fact she found me, via Facebook. Go technology.
Via Kyla, I found Oliver Spillebout who has a ‘might-now-be-his-girlfriend’ load of photos of Kyla, along with other high-end smut. His taste in models is uniformly crazy-hot. We approve.
A lighter hand on the PhotoShop would be appreciated. Still worth a browse.
“His hand slid around the back of my neck and pulled me close – easily, no effort at all, letting me feel the power of his arms and the warm puff of his breath against my ear.”
It was a long night…
“I gasped as he slowly pushed in one finger, slippery with oil, and began to wiggle it and spread me open.”
Sex Worker Confessions: Gracie Passette
“But underneath it all, sex workers are all about bridging, in body & soul, word & deed, the irreconcilable differences between realities and desires.”
See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.
(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)
January 28th, 2008 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: February 2nd, 2008
By opening its archives, the New York Times has created a mine of well written, well researched background information on anything you can enter a search string for.
If you’re interested in the porn industry, here’s a listing of some the best articles they’ve written on the business. There are many more if you dig.
(You’ll need a free registration but if you don’t think the NYT archive is worth an email address you’re a hippy who should get off the internet because you’re slowing the rest of us down. You have to provide more information than that to get a library card.)
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #116? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.
This Week’s Picks Debauched nothings
“You promised me you’d give me your cock.”
Sex Trophies
“Inside the drawer are two pair of panties.”
…an unapologetic sexy-time-I-like you’d have to be sick to jack off to.
If you’ve want to believe there’s still fun in porn Danni.com’s annual blooper reel might give you hope.
Unscripted, and lacking the person hiding behind the door with a cake you might expect, it’s an unapologetic sexy-time-I-like you’d have to be sick to jack off to. Moral? Smiling naked women do exist and shooting porn can be a fun day.
Award-winning badness from the webs most popular ghetto.
January 14th, 2008 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: January 15th, 2008
No porn surfer’s harder to get a click out of than someone who’s just jacked off to “2 Girls 1 Cup”
Most bad porn can be blamed on pimples, cheap photographic equipment and talentless talent. It’s boring. Bad porn produced to draw the attention of porn consumers with the emotional sensitivity of Pol Pot and put together with production values Ed Wood would question isn’t boring at all though.
The acme of good-bad porn is the thumbnail gallery (here’s a good one). No porn surfer’s harder to get a click out of than someone who’s just jacked off to “2 Girls 1 Cup”. It’s a problem that’s lead thumbnail gallery owners to Photoshop and special effects. The resulting ‘fantasy material’ is folk-art for wankers (like all of it actually).
I thought it was time to recognize it with a few awards.
The ‘Old Faithful’ Award for Simulated Female Ejaculation
Nominees: 1.
…because Cytheria, the ‘queen’ of squirting, was standing up seconds before this photo was taken.
2.
…for volume, and because the guy who put the hose in is still in shot.
3.
…because it’s the almost impossible “bluetooth” simultaneous orgasm (i.e. hands-free) and because I’m really glad that’s not my bedlinen.
And the winner is…
…for defying both reason and gravity. This woman might have Ed Harris in her vagina and be about to contact an advanced alien civilization.
The B.B.C. Award for PhotoShopped Cock
Nominees: 1.
…because I thought the one on top was an arm. Seriously.
2.
…because either she’s bitten off the end and swallowed it (hence the surprised look?) Or the artist incolved forgot to draw a lump in her cheek.
3.
…because he’s obviously wondering where his balls have gone.
And the winner is…
…because if you weren’t scared of prison before, you are now. I really hope that’s PhotoShop.
…and finally.
The ‘Britney Spears’ Award for Things that are Supposed to be Sexy but Aren’t
Nominees: 1.
…because the question isn’t “Paper, plastic or vagina?”
2.
…because this is no different than walking in on your parents except that if you did you’d hope your dad had a bigger dick.
3.
…because I think this guy just invented ‘cum-boarding’ and I like the elegant juxtaposition of fake cock, fake cum and genuine horror pictured.
And the winner is…
…because if that’s not brown lubricant I’d suggest he put both rubber gloves on his dick.
If you didn’t think that was very amusing just be glad it was still cheaper, quicker and funnier than the AVNs
The most important pornographer you've never heard of.
January 11th, 2008 by Sam Sugar
Bernard Natan
Bernard Natan (1886-1942) was a French-Romanian porn director and actor who worked in 20’s and 30’s France. His success as first big promoter of bi-sexual and masochistic themes allowed him to buy Pathé in 1929. If you want to get some perspective on how much money was in hardcore back then, that’s like Seymour Butt’s buying NBC today. During his ownership of Pathé the studio developed the anamorphic lens – the basis for every widescreen film system you’ve ever heard of.
In 1935, during the depression, Pathé went bankrupt and in 1939 Natan was imprisoned for fraud. He was released in 1942 but due to his Jewish heritage was sent to Auschwitz where he died.
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #114? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.
This Week’s Picks A Different Kind Of Authority For Sex Bloggers
“As we sex workers, sex bloggers, and adult business folks swim in our ponds or spin in our micro universes & connect with others, we continue to build authority.”
“At one point she was straddling Girlfriend’s right leg, grinding her thigh against Girlfriend’s clit through her jeans.” Of sex and strippers
Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge
Her comments were something to the effect of, “No one wanted to see me twirl with tassels ~ on fire or not ~ when some girl was going to sit on stage and insert things into herself.”
Given enough time and a persistent erection it’s now possible to do almost anything with a computer. While photochops of celebrities and porn-stars are common, a new wave of video edits is making the mash-up seem new again.
Current examples are short out of necessity. No-one’s being paid and this stuff takes ages to render. Given a profit motive and willing participants, who’d bet against Digital Playground producing a multi-titted Jesse Jane, Jenna digitally getting her body back, or a little judicious tattoo-removal (a ‘Jolie’ in industry speak) popping up on Belladonna in future?
On a side-note, anyone recognize the body that’s been borrowed here?
Max, Italy, has posted a mini-retrospective of glamour shots by David LaChapelle. My Italian begins and ends with “Goaaal!” so I can’t help you with the context but it’s LaChapelle, yes Pam’s included and yes, there are boys for boys who like boys.
Can’t anyone in porn persuade a celeb to do what they do so happily in the name of art? I vote for lobbying Kate Beckinsdale.
Happy New Year – after brief trips to Vegas, LA and Vancouver normal(ish) service will resume shortly…
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
This Week’s Picks Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray
“Visibility on our own terms and the ability to uses our voices (and other mediums of expression) are key to the progress of sex worker’s rights.”
So Many Men, So Few Sluts
“Everyone wants to avoid generalizations about men and women, yet they’re too powerful to ignore.”
This Time
“She had That Look, and despite my earlier fatigue, I knew what was coming.”
When Natural Doesn’t Feel Natural at All
“I’d kept mine neatly trimmed for so long, then cleanly shaved, that I couldn’t remember what I look like in full and natural form.”
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #109? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.
This Week’s Picks From virgin cocksucker to blowjob queen
̶I love to play and tease with my hand and tongue, lightly licking, sometimes using my panties or another soft fabric to run across the shaft.”
Interlopers
“Oh yes, I’ve seen it all before, I know what you’re here for.”
Old Friends
“His cultured voice warm, approving, promising; it makes me wet every time, an uncontrollable Pavlovian response.”
I’ve seen some silent porn. It’s all hardcore and the piece I remember most clearly featured a three-way which included oral, anal and vaginal penetration.
MILF = Men I’d Like to Fuck
“He knows my body p e r f e c t l y and knows exactly how to make me squirm with pleasure and always knows the right thing to say.”
Reconciling Desire & Reality (part 2)
“The excitement of sharing her, the excitement of my arousal THEORETICALLY should mean a heightening of our own sex life.”
Mr. Sugasm Himself
Our fearless leader tells me he’s crazy busy so I’m presenting one from the vaults.
Bizarre magazine’s new issue is a “Drugs in Porn Special!”. Admittedly every issue of Bizarre is a porn special but, running low on ways to connect their stalwart sex and disfigurement themes, they’ve asked a number of porn stars to confirm the cliches and reveal their illegal dependencies. Without wanting to impinge on Belladonna’s single-mother-porn-warrior bit isn’t the intravenous use of heroin more sad and dangerous than sexy and free? Sorry, what am I thinking – TITS!
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
This Week’s Picks Urgent
“Feel the electricity from my fingers as I peel the damp cotton of your panties away from your sex, as I ease them to one side.”
Though short, the US constitution lacks the boy wizards, albino monks and household tips most Americans chose to read about. Until now. Donny Miller, author of The US Constitution Erotic Coloring Book puts it this way:
This book celebrates The US Constitution.
Why I made this book. Not many people, I’ve found, are very familiar with the U.S. Constitution. Which is to say many people are not entirely conscious of their rights. I began asking people if they had read the Constitution. Many had not in years, if at all. The number of people who owned it – far less. I believe the Constitution is something every U.S. citizen or anyone interested in better understanding the government of the United States should own and be well versed in, after all, the words of the Constitution and the principles written therein make up the very foundation by which the United States was built upon. But how to get people to take interest in and read these rights? Aside from provocative imagery and once you’ve digested the primal aspect of the images, the focus then becomes the Constitution… – Donny
THE classic porn movie is free online until... Okay probably down now?
October 19th, 2007 by Sam Sugar
Sample dialogue: “Mwwagh… urck-glumph-arrr”
Lina Lovelace, human cobra.
Linda Lovelace is, and will probably remain, the most famous female porn star of all time. Deep Throat’s the reason why and, bar Jenna Jameson entering the moon-high club on Virgin Galactic’s inaugral flight, she’s unlikely to capture the public’s imagination in quite the same way. Now the entire movie is available online at PornAwe. It can’t be legal and I doubt Arrow Films are thrilled, especially given the pink ‘download’ link in the bottom right corner.
They say the DVD business is on the ropes you know…
If you’re a fan of Petter Hegre, his wife Luba, well-shot, high-res softcore, or wanking – you can join Hegre-Art for 50% less than ususal until October 31st.
Did you know he spells his name with two T’s? Neither did I until just moments ago…
We’re doing this for the 100th time. That makes Sugasm the most effective online community of sex-bloggers who aren’t actively involved in having sex with each other in history. Kudos all round and massive, un-repayable thanks to the quiet and gorgeous energy behind the Sugasm Radical Vixen whose name says it all.
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
This Week’s Picks
Do you want me…?
“The shiver that runs through you tells me everything I need to know.”
Wired’s posted a gallery of photos from Japans “Adult Treasure Expo”. They report the 150,000 attendees were a disappointment to organizers banking on at least 50,000 more. It’s pretty obvious why. From the photos this looks just like every other porn expo. What’s needed is a lot more Japanese flavor. Robots, schoolgirl pantie vending machines and octopus porn. Regardless, I still want to go.
Writing this blog is getting harder. Not for a lack of content, but as I find it harder to find porn I want to expose my psyche to and share with the public. Porn is broken but Michael Moore’s not about to make a movie about it (and, if he did, who’d pay to see a man whose ass has its own tidal flow talk to pornsters?). Like healthcare, porn won’t cease to be. It’ll just continue to become less like what we want and pay for, and more like an impenetrable profit engine controlled by large companies with little taste, understanding or decency.
It’s not that I have any problem with porn conceptually. It’s the product which is such a disappointment. Stupid people, stupid ideas and stupid attitudes. Sure I could tell myself the old first amendment trope about people’s right to do mornonic things but why bother when the material’s so painful to watch? What about my right to decent entertainment? Where’s the porn for people who don’t think Jackass 2 was fantastic entertainment?
The ‘good stuff’, subject of this and other blogs, isn’t so great either. For every Seska Lee there’s an alt-porner with a blog, an undergraduate understanding of feminism, and a chip on her shoulder about being fat cranking out unwatchable ‘alt-porn’ featuring tattooed hippies with such a shallow sense of porn history they actually believe their doing something new. I’m not jaded. Dave Naz, Comstock (you mouthy wanker) and countless independent websites I salute you, but why should the mass of porn be so awful and the best of it so average compared to anything but major studio dreck?
This attitude, which I used to think was mine alone, is well articulated by Don Hazen in “Pornography and the end of Masulinity” at Alternet. Like me he’s a hungry man, tired of kibble and asking ‘Where’s the beef?’ Why should it be so hard for any woman who’s not actively turned on by being degraded and roughed up to find any porn she’s into and why should not craving violence be seen as suburban? If it were a question of niches it’d be easy to counter. When I go to the movies I can watch something other than slasher pics, teen sex-comedies and sequels but when it comes to porn it’s increasingly a question of ‘…any color as long as it’s black.”
Increasingly I find the most interesting depictions of sexuality come from the mainstream. 125 magazine’s ‘Cinema’ issue has pictures by Rankin and others (shown here) which tell a deeper, sexier more interesting story in a frame than however many unnecessary ‘Pirates’ sequels will ever manage. Anyone without a tabloid brain can think more creatively than the people producing mainstream porn and the audience which loves what they’re getting is vastly outnumbered by those who’ve given up on porn or, like me, find it depressingly hard to sift.
by Rankin
by Rankin
I say it’s time for an Environmentally Friendly Porn label. Some way of knowing that material so labeled won’t insult our intelligence, artistic sensibilities or the people involved in its production. Nothing to do with censorship, just a mark of quality and a rejection of the prevailing younger, harder, nastier sensibility. An alternative to alt-porn, stunt-porn and stupid-porn minus a fog of pretension designed to hide its masturbatory intent.
Metis's scat swapping video. The most disgusting thing you've never seen (if you're lucky).
September 17th, 2007 by Sam Sugar
…someone then vomits into the same open ass and waits for the fecal-puke to be shit out so they can eat it.
A scene from swap.avi
I’ve not seen swap.avi. As they said in 8mm, “…there are some things you can’t un-see..” and watching poor Brazilian’s defecating into each others distended rectums is an image I can happily live without, especially knowing someone then vomits into the same open ass and waits for the fecal-puke to be shit out so they can eat it.
Nastier than a drunken evening with Condoleeza Rice and Dick Cheney.
The video is the result of a thread at ‘Something Awful’ which started with this enquiry from a participant called ‘Metis’:
“I’ve read the rules for requesting a movie to be made, and it said that if I have a fetish that is different from what is offered, you may be able to talk to the directors and work something out. I got a great idea while watching some scat movies recently: scat swapping. This would basically be a movie where one woman’s ass is penetrated by fingering and tonguing and fisting to make her anus very loose. A third woman will pull her anus open further and hold it open, meanwhile the second woman, the scat-giver, shits in the first woman’s open ass. The woman whose ass has been shit in will then shit the scat-giver’s shit back out, and everyone will eat it. If possible, I would also like it if the women were able to vomit in the woman’s ass along with the shit, or afterwards, so that the vomit could also be shit out and eaten. Please get back to me and let me know if this is something you can accomplish in a video, and if so, how much it would cost. Thank you!”
As always, this isn’t a question of censorship but what, if anything, do ‘average’ sex-positive porn fans think is outside the bounds of good taste, or is taste not an applicable measure when it comes to sex? We claim to prohibit criminality in porn not only because we respect the law but because we agree child abuse and murder are wrong. Is there anything you can do to an adult short of killing them which counts as abuse and, if so, when does ‘fetish’ in porn cross the line?
If you want to research this properly and see what $350 buys in Brazil, you can download swap.avi below. If you’re reading this from work… well no one’s that stupid: Swap.avi (torrent)
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
This Week’s Picks Cuffed
“She could see that he had something concealed in his other hand, but couldn’t quite tell whether it would be an instrument of torture or pleasure.”
Lunch Hour
“He’s very good, but I notice the almost imperceptible start as he notices what’s going on.”
About size
“But if we’re going to start talking about penis size, then it is only fair to talk about vagina size.”
“And it was lovely, because the movements made by his fist inside me were so different to a cock.”
The Razor, the Tape and the Man
“He’s never known this lack of control, this unstoppable surge of orgasm, this wave of ecstasy soldiers crossing his territory.”
Peter Hegre is best known as a purveyor of worryingly nubile nudes. His ability to find perfectly lithe bodies is impressive and means many of his models appear to be so young you have to clear your history and check your shoulder before clicking the next pic. They’re often crazy thin too (he believes you can only be too thin if you’re flat chested. A woman built like an open bra, ‘D’ cups on a piece of string, looks totally healthy.) Borderline Ano-Paedo content aside he’s at the very high end of softcore porn and now, for the first time, is offering a DVD of his shoots called ‘Fantasy Island’.
In 2007 DVDs are nothing but quaint, you can get better quality video online faster than it takes to ship a disc, but there’s doubtless an audience of technophobes, collectors and dial-up users who’ll pay $50 for a couple of hours of mid-res video. On the plus side the normal Hegre quality is on display and unlike much Yank porn there’s no degradation, abuse or bad lighting.
Impossible to watch with your girlfriend (unless she looks like Nella), and not one for fans of fatoldangry real women, but that’s not really what it’s for.
For their most popular models they’ve posted audio clips, which provide a rare chance to hear what models like… for instance… Kyla Cole – actually sound like.
Mystique Magazine is a high-budget website devoted to softcore poses of well known models in exotic locales. Their model of the year, decided by online vote, wins a shoot in a glamorous location which, as it’s basically a paid holiday, makes them very popular with talent. In efforts to win the prize many models send Mystique as much traffic as they can.
In the past they’ve been operated in the Playboy mold, apparent in their determination to label what’s basically a web operation as a magazine, but as Playboy fades in profitability they’ve decided to change their approach. While Mystique, like Playboy, used to lock its content away and try to bully browsers into buying, the most successful new adult sites give away a lot of content and hope to persuaded people to join after getting a chance to experience what’s on offer – Kisses and Candlesticks. It works and recognizing this Mystique have ‘borrowed’ a lot of ideas and re-launched with an emphasis on making free content easy to find.
The best thing about their new site is, unsurprisingly, their sole prominent innovation. For their most popular models they’ve posted audio clips, which provide a rare chance to hear what models like… for instance… Kyla Cole – actually sound like.
Most of their ‘Top Rated Models‘ (just below mid right of page) have audio. As usually these women are only heard pretending to orgasm or reading a script there’s something exciting about just listening to them talk. You feel as if you’re getting to know them in the way you do eavesdropping on strangers at a restaurant. I’m sure there are more but Katia Corriveau, Linda O’Neil, Aria Giovanni, Jennifer Korbin, Divini Rae, Zdenka Podkapova, Rebecca DiPietro, Amiee Rickards and Erica Campbell can all be heard right now and I think they’d be smart to post longer, more podcastable, audio.
Unfortunately in their rush to ape the competition Mystique have started a megapixel race with their competitors. For years Peter “Mr. Luba” Hegre has been advertising images at up to 6000px and Mystique are now posting shots at 3000px (a quarter of Hegre’s size).
The problem is, while Hegre shoots with Medium Format digital back which takes ultra-high resolution 39 megapixel stills, Mystique appear to have simply blown their old content up. E.g. here’s a 100% crop of “Ira Shakira” from Hegre. You can see it’s in focus and shows a wealth of real detail:
100% crop of Ira Sahkira at 3000 pixels courtesy Hegre Art
As opposed to this from Mystique which is clearly an enlargement/expansion of a smaller file.
100% crop of Kyla Cole at 3000 pixels courtesy Mystique.
There’s no real detail and claiming this is a ‘high resolution’ image is a lie (you can also see the difference in color correction. Kyla’s image is ten shades of brown). If Mystique do have real high-resolution images on the site it’s madness to mix them with enlargements like this which will only upset users and undermine their credibility.
If Mystique give me access to the site I’ll come back with a fuller review and any necessary corrections. For now I’d say enjoy their new library of free material, check out the audio clips and don’t believe the hype. Their content is sadly still no richer than the rapidly aging 800-1000px industry standard.
Kyla's a perfect, plastic free, example of Czech babe engineering.
August 22nd, 2007 by Sam Sugar
She’s fallen off the grid more effectively than Jason Bourne and I suspect she’s now happily married to some guy whose friends have to pretend they’ve not seen her naked.
Once again I’m wondering how I’ve filled 4TB of space and am ruthlessly de-porning my drives. As I dig I am finding a few unpublished gem like this clip of Kyla Cole sent to me ages ago and never published for some reason (I have no idea why). Though it isn’t shiny and new it is:
Kyla Cole naked.
Good.
Naked. Kyla Cole.
Which is a pretty solid argument for sharing it with you here.
Kyla and I used to be tight and by that I mean she vaguely acknowledged me and I fantasized about running away with her each time we met. She’s fallen off the grid more effectively than Jason Bourne and I suspect she’s now happily married to some guy whose friends have to pretend they’ve not seen her naked. I doubt he cares, he gets to have sex with Kyla Cole.
For more content of this quality try DDGirls. J. Stephen Hicks has a knack.
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #94? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.
How To Set Up an MFM Threesome
“You’d be surprised how many guys will say they can’t wait to bed her down, then chicken out or not show up after you’ve shelled out money for a hotel room.”
Why are the press marching happily into Jenna Jameson's hype machine?
August 9th, 2007 by Sam Sugar
…an actress in Johansen’s position gets better offers than Jenna’s from guys in bars…
My on-off love/hate/indifference affair with Jenna Jameson is on the upswing thanks to her talent for making the news regarding items which are clearly fictional. The odds on Scarlett Johansen playing her in a movie, which any second-grader could fact-check after watching a single episode of Entourage, are zero.
Putting aside that actresses in Johansen’s position get better offers than Jenna’s from guys in bars, the idea of the movie is ridiculous. What was the last successful biopic about a living celebrity under 40? Even with major studio support Jenna’s need to be portrayed in a favorable light will mean the end result is slightly less believable than her chest. If she want’s to make the porno equivalent of Rocky it’ll be more believable if it’s not supposed to feature someone so many people know so much about.
Further proof of her likely delusion comes In a recent interview in which Jenna accuses the best porn film ever, Boogie Nights, of being unrealistic. I can only suspect she hasn’t read her own biography. What does Jenna who started young, is much feted, was drug addicted, and is unable to hold-down a relationship not believe about the story of Dirk “John Holmes” Diggler who started young, was drug addicted and proved unable to hold-down a relationship? Jenna’s clever but surely not stupid enough to think she can unwrite a history that so many people are part of and much of which is recorded?
I think she should acknowledge her iconhood be re-recording a version of ‘The Touch’ with a nicely done aircore video in time for ‘Transformers 2′.
Gets up late, goes to bed early, doesn’t sleep around anymore, is weird in restaurants, has old friends, doesn’t read Playboy, still likes naked ladies.
Prostitution and brothels in turn of the 20th century Chicago.
August 3rd, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: August 3rd, 2007
As I am about to famously say, prostitution is porn without cameras, and by that measure goes back further in American culture than New York in the 70’s when The Industry as we know it started to flourish.
Sin in the Second City is Karen Abbott’s new book about turn of the century Chicago brothels centred on The Everleigh Club. In short the authorities looked the other way, everyone was at it, and the women in charge died with colossal fortunes. Frankly, I’m astounded.
A great interview with Abbott is up at the Freakonomics blog. Glad to see them putting the ‘Freak’ back into that title.
The great thing abut sex museums is that however much interest you show in some obscure piece of sexual paraphernalia, you can claim to be taking a strictly academic interest driven by natural curiosity, not the weeping erection and hard nipples your clothes are failing to cover.
Purely in the interests of research I spent some time in Prague’s sex museum a couple of weeks ago. It’s not bad at all by the standards of those I’ve seen in Amsterdam and Los Angeles and there are no restrictions on the use of cameras. I’ll admit right-now the best exhibit, a silent porn short which contains the first recorded three-way sex scene, is not represented here. Armed with only a pocket camera and no tripod I was unable to capture a shake-free recording on the video. Even if I had the giggling of the backpackers who didn’t seem to know what to do faced with a humor-free sex movie would have ruined the audio. I looked for it online but found no trace. Getting a better pocket-cam’s on my to-do list and if I ever turn up a copy I’ll post it. The original’s in Spain’s national archive. Some things are still not YouTubeable.
One striking this was the amount of anti-sex stuff on display. The battle between the pro and anti-sex camps is nothing new and if history can serve as a guide is not going away anytime soon. The first thing you see on entering the museum is the anti-masturbation suit pictured here. The tapes are glued to the poor kid’s genitals to make removal of the underwear impossible or deliciously painful, depending on how well you understand fetishism.
I’ve picked out the items which I thought were most interesting, ignoring the endless racks of novelty banana dildos and everyday fetish equipment. Apologies in advance for some of the photographs, my two year old Sony compact is missing anti-shake technology.
Love Seat/Siège d’amour
Love Seat/Siège d’amour.
Made in Paris around 1890, it passed through all the best brothels of its time. One woman lay on the upper part and another the lower while the man involved remained standing – which seems like the polite thing to do – and hammered away at the resultant 4-hole buffet. Positions could be changed or reversed at the participants pleasure.
Erotic Saddle
Erotic Saddle.
A prototype made in the 1940’s. Looks impossible to fall off. Or get off for that matter.
Italian Shoes (c. 1930)
Italian Shoes (c. 1930).
Apparently these are ‘Gabriele D’Annunzio Style’. Given the evidence I can only assume he was a Scicilian sex-offender with a tiny cock.
Flushing device (c. 1910)
Flushing device (c. 1910).
This enema kit was made before even Bakelite was in common use and came with an ivory nozzle. I’ll grant you it’s not worth killing an Elephant for, but there is something undeniably classy about sticking a piece of ivory up your ass. It’s how I imagine Jenna gets ready for an anal creampie, rectally flushed with the tears of less successful pornstars.
Electric anti-masturbation device
Electric anti-masturbation device.
The ring, which goes round the boys cock, closes a circuit if he gets an erection which rings a bell in his parents room. Still in use in Catholic boarding schools – saves constant checking – and clearly invented before Pavlov published his results.
A manual vibrator with interchangeable silver heads
A manual clitoral vibrator
A crank driven vibrator with adjustable vibrations and five working positions
Greek prostitutes sandals
Greek prostitutes sandals.
The studs in the soles print ‘Follow my steps’ into the sand as she walks by. Doubly useful because the depth and spacing of the impressions could be used to judge height and weight. Impressions that were deeper at the front indicated a busty hooker, deeper towards the sole – baby got back.
Anti Masturbation Belts. These devices clearly illustrate the range of approaches God-fearing medieval parents could take towards devilish impulses.
Anti Masturbation Belt (1)
Belt 1 looks so easy to undo it’s really begging to be taken off. Superbly, by doing the belt back up again the wearer gets to masturbate and enjoy the guilt-free smugness of being in the belt, and thus not an inveterate wanker, in the eyes of his parents.
Anti Masturbation Belt (2)
Things get more serious with belt 2. This kids parents think his junk poses an equivalent threat to Hannibal Lecter and have decided containment is the only option. Whoever designed it obviously didn’t care much for anatomical correctness unless he had a tiny piece and one massive ball. At least it allows your bollocks to get a little ventilation.
Anti Masturbation Belt (3)
Belt 3 should prompt an immediate call to child-protective services, who at the time the device was in use was personified by the nicest monk in town. The thinking appears to be, “We don’t care if you masturbate, if you get so much as a stiffy we’re prepared to drive metal spikes into your cock. Any questions?”
Zenith vibrator
Zenith vibrator.
Sold with a range of different heads to “…stimulate any part of your body.” As long as that part was in your pants.
Electro-stimulators
Electro-stimulators.
Devices like the one on the right are still being sold as ‘TENS’ units but the smaller ‘Elektrolex’, which just shocks your stuff without any pretty lights, are now almost unheard of outside Guantanamo Bay. Sex toys with dials on them are cool.
Erotic bench
Erotic bench.
Found in the Emilia Romagna region of Italy. I’m jealous of whomever had so many parties in which bound nubiles were up for being penetrated while on a see-saw, they had to get a custom piece of furniture built. This device prompted the first recorded use of a “No fat chicks” sign.
Copulation Table
Copulation Table.
Another piece from the Emilia Romagna region of Italy, this table has a loop which goes around someone’s waist while their legs hang over the edge and their stomach rests on the table. I’m starting to think the guy commissioning this stuff might not have been so worried about consent.
Chastity belts for women
Chastity belt for women.
Chastity belt for women.
Chastity belt for women.
I realize the ass-guards on these are supposed to prevent penetration, but can’t help wondering what they’d do to the shape of your poo. The first photo shows the difference between real chastity belts and play ones.
Magic Box (c. 1700)
Magic Box (c. 1700).
This replica of “The magic palanquin” was used during ceremonies, pilgrimages and markets. A mostly naked girl would lie inside and the owner would charge people to look through the holes. Remember the basics so when the apocalypse hits and the Internet goes down you know what to build.
BoobGina
BoobGina.
This wasn’t even labeled as it requires no explanation. I love boobs more than the next man but this product of boredom and Thalidomide should never have seen production. Think about the poor Chinese women who have to paint the nipples on these things.
“Dog Boy’s” Fetish Masks
“Dog Boy’s” Fetish Masks.
I’m not sure if these are real fetish items or pieces of costuming for Cirque du Soleil’s next extravaganza. It doesn’t matter, I’m getting a bunch of them for my gang.
Copulation machine
Copulation machine.
The killer things about this machine, aside from that someone actually built it and the lube dispenser aimed at the rearward dildo, is the hand. You’ve got dongs in both ends and lube on tap but to complete the experience the inventor decided to include a back-scratcher. Genius.
August 2nd, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: August 2nd, 2007
Rule 34.
More examples of rule 34 here (and everywhere) along with the originators blog. This would be science if it were falsifiable, as it stands it’s just true.
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
This Week’s Picks Fat can be sexy
“I understand what it’s like to be surrounded by images that reinforce that skinny is the ONLY way to achieve sexiness.”
In 350 bi-annually published pages ‘S Magazine’ mixes models, fashion photographers and high production values to create a large slab of coffee-table porn which relies on the quality of its photos, not overblown articles or self-censorship, to justify its existence.
One of the joys of being in Europe an environment where nudity and sex and deviance are all still seen as separate things. It allows us to mix nudity, sex and deviance without any of the guilt or annoying “Check us out and how groovy we are!” vibes of the militant pro-sex crowd (we get it – calm down).
S Magazine, the ‘Play’ issue
In 350 bi-annually published pages ‘S Magazine‘ mixes models, fashion photographers and high production values to create a large slab of coffee-table porn which relies on the quality of its photos, not overblown articles or self-censorship, to justify its existence. Hard to find but worth it.
“She performs astounding acts and swirls her perfect ass in circles, like the tassles on her tits.”
Nylon Whispers
“I run my fingers along every bit of my nylon covered flesh”
No Timeless Beauty To Conform To
“While fashions themselves come and go, so do the standards of beauty rise and fall like the heaving breasts of an excited woman.”
Cyber-sex is safe, fun, and so easy even a child can do it…
Herb Zipper is not new but damn is he funny. I hadn’t seen this clip until Slashdong gave me the heads up so I’m guessing I’m not the only one too square to have caught this fresh (not you – you’re one of the hip kids). I could just pretend I’m revisiting a ‘classic’ but I don’t want to do that too often in case you guys catch on.
For anyone who doesn’t know what I look like, this is pretty much spot-on. Now where’s my martini…
BehindKink.com's archive of porn documentaries are now free to access.
July 24th, 2007 by Sam Sugar
Electro-genitorture in front of the Statue of Liberty. Oh the irony…
Unlike HBO they don’t shy away from penetration, yoghurt-shots or needle-play.
If you’re at all kinky you probably know about Kink.com and their raft of fetish sites but you may not realize that one of their paysites, Behind Kink, stopped charging for memberships back in March. I only realized myself when putting together this post on BDSM bloopers.
It’s a smart move, Behind Kink is filled with HBO style fuckumentaries designed to sell other Kink.com products. You shouldn’t pay for advertising even when, unlike HBO, Behind Kink doesn’t shy away from penetration, yoghurt-shots or needle-play. Their videos average 15 minutes plus and are available at better than DVD resolution (about 800px across), that’s better quality than the majority of paysites, and for porn production values are high (and by high I mean recognizable).
For some reason they require you to register before viewing, but as they only demand an email address keeping your checking account full enough to fund another Nigerian investment opportunity is easy. This is the best wank try before you buy opportunity I’ve seen in ages. Especially as you don’t have to buy.
Kink.com’s explicit blooper reel provides proof even we-are-serious-lifestyle-fetish people smile when they fuck-up. It all goes on too long and the presenter is an unnecessary, unfunny addition who you’ll struggle to sit through before getting to the good stuff, but it’s high-resolution, X-rated and free so go easy on the complaining.
N.B. Female ejaculation fans, there’s an impromptu gush in here for you. Either be maddened by the young lady’s embarrassment – she runs off camera when she does it – or wonder what she’s so worried about.
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants.
This Week’s Picks Kinky To Vanilla
“Now, each time we play with others, it’s a gift that further cements our closeness and shows us the value of our love.”
One For The Guys
“Get into the habit of building your sexual pleasure and indulging in it fully.”
When A Client Dies-Part 2
“As I drank my morning coffee I googled his name and “obit”. Up popped his obituary.”
July 16th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 19th, 2007
Luke Ford
Brainy Quote, one of a Bridget Kerkove sized assload of daily quote sites, has a well stocked section devoted to porn’s most famous self-hating (faux) Jew Luke Ford. I know this because it’s being fed into my Gmail which likes to point me at stuff in blogs I have already read mixed with stuff on sites I have no interest in.
Can you upload this stuff to Brainy Quote yourself, or does – *gulp* – Ford have readers who think he’s as smart as he reminds us he is.
N.B. As no one loves Luke like Luke, he’s blogged on it here.
July 13th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 19th, 2007
Steve Jobs and the iPhone.
This is an iPhone post.
Sorry.
Of interest to pornographers is that yes, the browser in the iPhone handles image heavy sites with incredible aplomb. Most of the sites I looked at rendered exactly as they would on a Mac which means if you’d like to remain iPhone compatible it’s worth downloading Safari, or if you’re on a Mac and don’t have the gadget, the iPhone simulator.
The device is brilliant. Intuitive and sexy. It’s not a super-phone, it’s a little computer pretending to be a phone and as soon as you handle it you find yourself doing a bunch of computer things (watching YouTube, surfing the web) and not much boring phone stuff.
Of interest to speculators everywhere, I was using the iPhone in London and it locks onto Vodaphone and worked perfectly. If you’re traveling to the states, have a US social security number, can’t wait for the official release and don’t mind the roaming charges (anyone still with me?) you can buy an iPhone in America and use it in London. Probably not that smart but today, with iPhones in Europe being rarer than Osmonds at an AVN afterparty, I can tell you that yes, just having an iPhone here can get you laid.
In the Beginning
“The actual piercing was exquisite – one fraction of a second of pain, followed by a feeling of pleasure like I have never experienced.”
The best of the sex-blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
July 4th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 19th, 2007
The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
This Week’s Picks Ménage
“Sometimes, she’s even more the centre of things than he is, since she is a more recent addition to the dynamic, and since we both adore her.”
Money and Sex
“And then in walks sex, #1 potential button pusher of all times.”
Denied – 11
“There’s a click, and a lifting of restriction, and cool, soothing moistness.”
July 3rd, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 18th, 2007
It can be hard, nigh on impossible, to mix a fondness for anatomy films with streetwear you’re not ashamed to be in. Porn company logo-wear isn’t funny and will only attract knowing nods from lonely men, while promotional items for any movie produced since 1989 is out of the question unless you suspect you won’t be the only person in a “Tiny Stretched Assholes” T-Shirt at the PTA meeting.
Mondo Tees comes to the rescue with a number of retro-themed designs which, with a couple of exceptions, avoid being cringe worthy and make hip, albeit not wildly creative, references to the ‘golden age’ of skin flicks.
July 2nd, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 18th, 2007
Chuck Calderon.
When conservatives attack porn they use ‘the children’ and ‘decency’ as their rack and iron maiden, arguments commonly defeated by the first amendment. Dworkinites and left-wing social conservatives prefer rape and taxation, the last of which is an area of the law so boring and debatable it consistently proves to be porn’s most forbiding opponent.
AVN reports that Chuck Calderon (D-Whittier) is pushing a bill which uses the imagined ’secondary effects’ of porn production as an excuse to levy an extra tax on anyone making it. With few people prepared to defend porn in public his bill’s a triple win. It’ll bring in extra-revenue, have a cooling effect on the adult industry, and steer debate away from real issues like education, health care and crime. If defeated he gets to claim the mantle of ‘public defender’ and accuse anyone against him of being soft on vice.
Which begs me to ask why, in a region where thousands of people are involved in the porn industry, know it’s mostly benign, and stand to lose if the bill is passed, are opportunists like Calderon bold enough to attack the people who employ their constituents?
The Anniversary Present (perverselypoly.blogspot.com…)
“But I knew that nothing would be more appropriate to the new path we’ve chosen than a threesome with another man on the night celebrating our wedding so many years ago.”
A free porn repository polluted with pseudo child porn.
June 25th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 18th, 2007
The Swedes who brought the world ‘The Pirate Bay’ have just launched bayimg, another assault on copyright which proudly refuses to recognize intellectual property or censor uploaders. That makes is a Flickr like dump of images with less elegant organization but a lot more porn.
In fact it’s almost all porn.
Navigation comes via a un-alphabetized tag cloud which challenges my intellect in ways only double bows on my shoes have before and, as you’d expect, finding scans on this months Playboy and other well protected material is pretty easy.
Their claim not to censor is easy to refute. Searches for tags like ‘lolita’ and ‘young’ thankfully draw a blank and shows they’re not interested in helping child-abusers. Unfortunately they don’t seem to be working too hard on their censorware as I found the ‘preteen’ tag in a few more clicks and, though it failed to pull any explicit child porn, it is well stocked with the ‘Little Model’ material which feeds paedophiles technically innocent shots of exploited kids.
CP’s a ‘know it when you see it’ deal and anyone re-posting shots of little girls in bikinis and lingerie branded with paysite URL’s should know exactly what’s going on and choose not to deal in abusive crap. I don’t think the guys behind bayimg site are trying to hurt anyone but seem too interested in making a buck to ensure they can do it with a clear conscience. They should have more banned tags and at allowed viewers to report abuse. Until they do they’ve built a cesspit without a drain so I’m hoping they’ll read this and take appropriate action before too many other people notice the stench.
An interesting idea let down by execution so poor it’s hard to justify. One to check back on when they’ve cleaned up their act.
June 13th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 18th, 2007
Domenicer.
All I know about unsigned band Domenicer (”The most needed band in the world” according to MySpace) is that I can’t get the intro of their song, “Pornstar Like Traci Lords”, out of my head:
“Lick, Lick,
Fuck Fuck,
Give it up for cock suck,
Tits ass pussy cunt,
Wake me when you’re done”
Ringtone anyone?
Oh yeah, they’re on YouTube too but unfortunately I’ve yet to find a video for this track.
June 12th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 18th, 2007
A-Team meets Swedish Bikini Team type scenarios shot in small Eastern European countries where access to heavy artillery can be gained with a bottle of vodka and a flash of boob.
ActionGirls 2007 contains all the naked chicks with machine guns, sports cars, jet skis, tanks and bungee cord action you could want, and includes bonus ‘hot naked chicks playing basketball in front of elderly men’ footage aimed strictly at connoisseurs of old-man-chubbie.
If you’re new to the Actiongirls thing, they’re a hybrid website/DVD publisher who specialize in putting top-tier adult models like Silvia Saint, Veronika Zemanova and Erica Campbell in A-Team meets Swedish Bikini Team type scenarios shot in small Eastern European countries where access to heavy artillery can be gained with a bottle of vodka and a flash of boob.
Aside from the nudity on offer, there’s genuine entertainment value in trying to work out how many US laws would be broken if this were being shot in Idaho, and it’s refreshing to see high-end softcore material which doesn’t take think it’s ‘art’ and thus has to go heavy on the smoke, Enya and ‘psychodrama’.
The ActionGirls website is stuffed with trailers but they’re ridiculously huge (163MB anyone?) so I’ve crushed one into Flash (still huge but it’s worth it) for your viewing pleasure here. Now I need to find somewhere local which offers nude horse riding…
June 11th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 18th, 2007
Q: What do Drew Barrymore, Jessica Alba and Courtney Cummz have in common?
A: Tom Green. Barrymore married him, Courtney Cummz has probably slept with him and he washes Jessica Alba’s car on Thursday and she pays him a dollar an hour.
Aside from that they’re the most beautiful/hottest/sexiest people in the world according to People Magazine, FHM and least credibly WantedList.com. I don’t agree.
Porn and nude modeling are home to some amazing looking people, and off the top of my head I would suggest the following ten women all make Cummz look like a burns victim (nice name by the way Courtney, 100% classy) and a few of whom give even Jessica Alba a run for her money in the ‘Jesus can I touch it?’ stakes. I’m not even going to try that hard:
Different shapes, sizes, appeals and all gorgeous, but what do I know? I’m biased towards people I know/have slept with/might pay me/don’t have restraining orders which limit my movement and so I ask you. Who is the most beautiful woman in porn/nude modeling? (Extra cred points to anyone proposing someone really average who accuses me of being a body facist).
June 10th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 18th, 2007
You don’t need to be Anderson Cooper to know that the soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan aren’t getting laid, so I guess fantasizing about all the women you’re not having a chance to enjoy is logical.
This photo demonstrates why underwater oral sex is probably more fun to view than to perform.
June 5th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 13th, 2007
This image is so cosmically bizarre I invite you all to take a crack at coming up with a funny caption in the comments below. Something about sucker-fish or buddy breathing seems appropriate.
May 31st, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 13th, 2007
Phun has compiled a totally educational compilation of contortoporn – trademarked – featuring heads and legs and vaginas arranged in ways the FSM never intended.
Twelve years in the Russian State Circus for this?
May 25th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 13th, 2007
Porn with production value’s pretty rare and this set reminds me that Robert Rodriguez has just signed on to remake the greatest aircore movie of all time, Barbarella.
Who’s up to projecting as much thoroughbred sex as the young Jane Fonda (still Foxy on Colbert recently). Fonda was really young when she starred, while Angelina and the other usual suspects are all past it unless the core appeal of the film, sci-fi sex in occasionally in zero-G without recourse to plot or acting, is going to be different this time around.
With fanboys the world over setting their phasers to cum the rumors are out of control in Hollywood. Grindhouse might have flopped but this is the kind of thing Rodriguez does well. It’ll be good. I’d love to see my current MILF-music-crush Sophie Ellis-Bextor doing it as a musical but I’d also like to see her crawl up my legs from the foot of my bed and that’s equally unlikely.
May 23rd, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 12th, 2007
Mime is not supposed to give you a little ‘cake’ (cake, as in a delicious treat stored in your pants).
Many sources have reported Belgian senate candidate Tania Derveaux’s campaign promise to dispense 40,000 BJ’s should she get elected. An overdose dose of vitamin P for any cocksmith, even assuming Derveaux’s taking lessons in burying her dignity ingesting random schlong from notorious penile gourmand Paris Hilton.
Thus it’s no surprise to discover Tania has a helper, Lin Chong, and a pleasant result to note she is:
Cuter than Tania.
Giving demos of her yogurt farming technique on YouTube (soon to be followed by your tube).
As YouGle doesn’t like the porn, I’ve grabbed the video before ‘The Man’ sees it in case it suddenly disappears. I present it here for your masturbatory amusement but don’t ask me if it’s work safe I have no idea. Mime is not supposed to give you a little ‘cake’ (cake, as in a delicious treat stored in your pants).
May 16th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 12th, 2007
According to psychologists reports unearthed at The Smoking Gun, Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis is considering suicide from his Florida jail cell. Perhaps he got round to watching one of his tapes?
His government shrink also describes him as lying about his drug intake and claiming to have just one drink a week (that’s what we call ‘The Unihorn Defence’ because it’s slightly less believable than telling the cops your pet unihorn did it). Thanks to the freedom of information act we also find out about Francis’ family (parents together, three siblings), education (B.S. in Business from USC) and diagnosis:
Axis 1: Attention deficit hyperactive disorder vs. bipolar disorder vs. cyclothymic disorder.
Adjustment disorder with anxiety vs. anxiety disorder.
Axis II: Personality disorder, nos, with immature and narcissistic features.
They could have got most of that from watching his infomercials. More Joe Francis news when he screws up again/dies.
May 10th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 11th, 2007
I’ve yet to discover a place in the metropolitan US where I can’t see the ‘Stars and Bars Stripes’ hanging from a peeling flagpole. To outsiders like me, used to associating flags with pogroms, facists and war, that level of universal patriotism makes us nervous.
George Washington too:
“Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.”
- George Washington
So I view the abuse of flags, of all nations, as a refreshing expression of independent thought. A flag only represents the person behind it, and usually they’re an asshole who wants to kill anyone with a different flag.
At Banners, Damsels and Mores (sic) what’s behind the flag is literally an asshole. This prime example of FrontPage era webdesign is committed to chronicling babes wrapped in, around and on old glory (despite everything models know about horizontal stripes making you look heavy).
After perusing the galleries I’m starting to think this may be stealth propaganda; right now I can’t think of America without getting a little chub.
(Who doesn’t love a site that identifies Paris Hilton as ‘heiress/bimbo’?)
May 9th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 11th, 2007
Babes with Books is a blog whose content is pleasantly self-explanatory. Though, to my knowledge, devoid of nudity if, like me, you find women with well-formed opinions cocksworthy the sight of a lady tucked between two sheets of fine cotton-bond can be irresistibly stimulating.
Some of the images here don’t count of course. Students are forced to read under threat of being cut off from parental cash-flow and anyone reading ‘The Da Vinci Code’ in 2007 has to find another way to prove their literacy. I’m not buying Paris Hilton and Sun Tzu either, but the woman dressed as a French maid while casually exposing her legs? I choose for that to be plausible.
Girls gone Academic for all the NPR listeners out there and it’s work-safe too (email me if you get fired and I’ll update this post).
May 8th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 11th, 2007
She’s never been naked on camera before and by the time Kern’s charmed her clothes off she’s happily posing for a porn magazine she can’t name.
Richard Kern is one of the few pornographers who gets to shoot hardcore while retaining his artistic and indie cred (it’s easy to have indie credibility but harder to be talented too).
For all my attempts to present the unvarnished business end of porn, this short documentary makes being a jizz-bizz shooter seem like everything you’ve always masturbated to thought it was.
Sophie, Kern’s subject and his fan, is too good to be true and if central casting sent me someone with her Amélie-meets-Emmanuelle French accent I’d accuse them of over-egging the pudding and ask them to provide me with a more realistic sex-kitten. She’s never been naked on camera before and by the time Kern’s charmed her clothes off she’s happily posing for a porn magazine she can’t name.
A leaked sex-tape in the middle east can be life-threatening.
May 4th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 9th, 2007
Tehran, 30 April (AKI) – The culture committee of the Iranian parliament approved on Monday a bill sentencing to death producers of ‘pornography’, videos and films deemed vulgar by the country’s censorship. The draft law will now go to parliament where it is expected to be approved by an ample majority. Amateur porn films have a prosperous market in Iran and can fetch up to 30 euros each.
The market, tolerated for a long time, became a nationwide issue earlier this year after a porn film of popular television actress, Zohre Mir Ebrahimi, having sex with her partner, was released.
Is this story not being widely reported because killing people for the crime of holding a camera isn’t news? Or because freedom of expression doesn’t apply when sex is involved?
In the current so called ‘war’ between East and West, the people calling for battle have more in common than they think.
high-definition freebies from a porn content company.
May 4th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 9th, 2007
He had opted for the undercarriage protection.
SoBeGirl.com provide content for paysites. Like any content provider they offer interested parties free samples so, for the two of you considering building a paysite, this page of free 1500 kbps hardcore porn clips should be incredibly useful. (I wonder if they offer a version without the guys creepy post-orgasm interjections, the last thing I want to hear when I’m vacuuming man-fat off my keyboard is some dude whispering “Do you wanna swallow that for me?”)
As for the rest of you wankers move along, there’s nothing to see here.
(N.B. The young lady pictured isn’t checking to see if her lover’s wiped properly, I think the term for the act she’s involved in is a ‘Donut Wash’.)
April 26th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 9th, 2007
Paysites aren’t often worth commending and fetish sites are typically more poorly put together than those is the mainstream (Ooh! Look at our scary black background!) which makes ‘Two Big Meanies‘ particularly worth a mention. They’ve got almost everything right.
They blog, so you can read about and understand the content they have without being forced to decipher a tour that’s probably an optimistic lie. They post large format video clips, saving you from having to pay to discover that no one in their employ knows how to hold a camera and, best of all, they make BDSM (more SM than BD in this case which is how I like it) seem sexy.
Rarely has a site featured so many smiling submissives clearly enjoying being ever so slightly wrong in the head*. Though the Meanies themselves look like Right Said Fred they’re more attractive and less creepy than the smoking-fat-dude-in-leather-chaps type prevalent elsewhere, and their clear ability to get turned on and desire their models makes for genuine chemistry. It’s refreshing to see BDSM presented as something sexy and loving, not tortured and degrading.
Unusually, and brilliantly, the Meanies sell everything in pieces. If you like the look of a posting you can pay for that download without having to spring for a subscription. Yes, it is ludicrously expensive if you are a more than occasional shopper, but that’s probably due to the billing methods they employ as much as them knowing people will happily pay through the nose for specialist jollies (which is the first rule of porn by the way).
Sites this good make the future of porn seem a little brighter, if you’re into kink you owe it to yourself to take a look – if only for the abundant freebies.
*I welcome your annoyed comments but wanting to get punched is mental, however arousing you find it. I’m kinky as you are, but if you want to stay on the right side of Virginia Tech you need to accept that being okay with being weird doesn’t make it any less… weird. Just my opinion.
April 26th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 9th, 2007
I love Fleshbot and though I couldn’t do what they so (I’ve tried and it’s harder than it looks), but I can write copy. (When I’ve been paid to pay attention, which I haven’t regarding any error-ridden, run-on rubbish you might find here. My standards are so good I’ve got two of them.)
As an ex-copywriter I’m pretty attentive to the style of what I read, so it’s with some surprise I found myself only noticing Fleshbot’s horrendous tagline earlier today.
“Fleshbot is a frequently updated and influential web magazine about the pornography–and the sex culture–that digital technology and distribution has made possible.”
Jesus.
Where to begin? Assuming they like what their copy says, there are a grip of easy improvements.
Firstly who’s grandmother did the typing? Using double-dashes to simulate em dashes is a hack invented in the days of monospaced typewriters. It’s not been relevant to computers for twenty years and looks retarded. It’s one of the problems caused by the fondness American schools have for teaching typing (we don’t in Europe). The outmoded ludicrous people doing the teaching pass on their outmoded, and nowdays ludicrous, habits and pollute the world with people who think they’re still supposed to put two spaces after a period as if it were 1950. In a business letter the double dashes would only be annoying and weird, in a tagline they can’t be excused.
Onto grammar. Though it makes sense – barely – if read twice, on first reading ‘…an influential web magazine about the pornography…’ sounds like something Borat would say. Also, when was the last time anyone, or thing, influential had to label themselves so grandiosely? The influential President of the United States? The influential CEO of Microsoft? It’s embarrassing.
I could argue the term ‘web magazine’ is a bloated $20 way of saying blog, but could just as easily point out how many people still don’t know what a blog is. I’d win this argument with myself by explaining that Fleshbot readers are likely to know what blogs are given their age, web use and fondness for RSS, but I’m tired and not getting paid for this so fuck arguing with myself. I know I’m going to win regardless.
Finally, listing both digital technology and distribution reads like another attempt to sound impressive which isn’t required. Digital distribution technology is… er… technology and taglines should be tight. The point’s well made without mentioning distribution and no one’s going to be surprised by the website’s digital focus.
Our newly beaten into shape tagline reads:
“Fleshbot is a frequently updated web magazine about pornography and the sex culture digital technology has made possible.”
A clear improvement (Gawker dudes, you’re welcome).
Fleshbot’s just about the biggest sex-blog online. Let’s not have our champions embarrass us.
April 25th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 9th, 2007
Savanna Samson and family.
While Jenna can’t seem to catch a break in the press nowdays, Savanna Samson seems to have assumed the pornster ‘it’s okay to like’ role for the mainstream media.
If you can look past New York Magazine’s “Welcome to 1998″ discovery of the MILF phenomenon (or that Savanna’s really a MESS, “Mother Everyone Says is Sexy”, in my view) you can’t help but notice the huge plug her work’s getting outside a traditional porn context.
Surprisingly, and hard to immediately understand, Samson’s also broken the pornster taboo against publicly identifying your children and posed with her husband and son. Does she realize her kid’s now going to have to answer questions on his mom’s role in ‘Hole-a-Holic‘ for or the next 20 years? Not smart.
First porn’s biggest name in wine, now an officially sanctioned MILF, Savanna’s rise continues without anything significant happening in her career. If you’re going to hire PR, this is the kind of coverage they should be getting you, shame about the kid – poor bastard.
April 25th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 9th, 2007
The Associated Press reports that Joe Francis is now serving time in Florida for tax evasion. In addition to a 35 day incarceration, Francis was also fined $5,000 (which I assume he took out of his pocket in singles and tucked under the Judges belt).
“Blowing his nose and wiping away tears, the multimillionaire founder of the “Girls Gone Wild” video empire pleaded guilty to contempt.
“I am sorry for my behavior. It was wrong. I had heard about appeals and things and I was confused. I am sorry, I really am,” said Francis, 34.”
Let Francis’ newly commodious asshole be a lesson to us all.
MIT bring us a step closer to Princess Leia on the coffee table.
April 25th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 9th, 2007
Forget saving for an iPhone, Technology Review reports researchers, led by V. Michael Bove Jr., director of the consumer electronics program, CELab at MIT, have completed a third generation holographic projector capable of creating an image about the size of a Rubik’s cube single C-cup breast.
The display runs from a standard graphics card eliminating the pricey custom hardware needed to produce a 3D capable signal in the past, and:
“Bove and his team currently have a fourth generation of system lined up, which will be able to display an image as large as a desktop PC monitor… the current display is only capable of monochromatic holograms, but the fourth generation will have a full range of colors, Bove says.”
“The display, the researchers say, will be small enough to add to an entertainment center, provide resolution as good as a standard analog television, and cost only a couple hundred dollars.”
Amazingly, Bove’s not sure of his display’s mainstream success and sees it as a medical imaging device (which it sort of will be). He thinks entertainment consumers won’t be impressed by a relatively small standard definition display in a world of high-definition flatscreens. Where was he in ‘96 when watching online porn videos meant deciphering watch-face sized frames delivered slower than surface mail via a flaky 28.8K modem? He’s going to put a couple of tiny people humping on my desktop? Where do I send the money?
The best of the sex-blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
April 24th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 9th, 2007
The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
This Week’s Picks The Curse of Nude Modeling Strikes Again (http://www.taratainton.com)
“I choose to share images of my nude or near-naked self on this website.”
My Kinkiest Fetish (http://thenakedrhetoricaltruth.blogspot.com)
“There is an erotic frisson about a skillful mindfuck that is almost as good as the real thing.”
Upgrading the Product Line (http://thismuse.blogspot.com)
“But even in the throes of orgasm, part of my brain is ticking off the clock.”
A more discreet way to instantly close that browser window.
April 20th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 9th, 2007
StealthSwitch is a mechanical solution to the old problem of getting porn off your screen as fast as possible. The companies website tries to make it seem as if there are non-porn uses for their gadget but let’s not pretend. This device is a footswitch because the average users hands will be full when they need it.
It may be useful. Not at work where your boss is going to know if you’re surfing porn regardless of what’s on your screen, but for people in houses with kids or porn averse partners enjoying an afternoon ‘palette cleanser’. Of course, if you’re reluctant to spend $40 you could always lock your door or not masturbate in rooms your children wander into, but what do I know; I’m old fashioned.
The best of the sex-blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
April 19th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 9th, 2007
The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
This Week’s Picks I make store clerks nervous (http://deliciously-naughty.typepad.com)
“So you told my husband that this month’s Hustler was awesome?”
PSO Anniversary (http://radicalvixen.com/blog)
“I think if most wives/girlfriends knew what their Sos were truly into they’d be grateful I talk to them and they don’t have to deal with it.”
Tighter: the apartment (http://erotischism.blogspot.com)
“She started contractions on my fingers and made those little indescribable sounds that signaled her orgasm.”
April 18th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 9th, 2007
Putting aside the argument that when the T-Shirts are tight enough RocketBoom is porn, there can be few viewers of that stalwart podcast who haven’t wished to see its porn doppleganger, preferably with the same crew, humor and production values.
Well stop crying because ‘Daily Tang‘ is here and its… well… it’s rougher.
Presented by Veronika Raquel the show’s now been webcasting long enough to get a measure of its style, and it’s mix of production slick, lukewarm news and cornball humor make it exactly like ‘Entertainment Tonight’ and ‘Access Hollywood’ not the ‘Charlie “Brown” Rose’ show we might have wished for. With a guy who used to work at Fox in the driving seat that’s not altogether surprising.
It is a major step. There’s clearly money behind an effort like this, fueled by a belief that in the age of Fleshbot sex is interesting enough to be considered entertainment outside the bedroom as well as within it.
“any domain whose name, content or advertising is lewd, graphic, or profane,”
Google have given adult webmasters until May 31st to remove such domains from the program.
Adsense for Domains has many fans in porn. Despite Google veiling the percentage of profits passed to sites promoting their advertisers, they provide better targeting, more honest reporting, and bigger checks than thousands of corrupt adult affiliate programs who seem to promise more.
The downside to Google’s efficiency has been their tacit promotion of domain speculation. Buying domains is cheap and placing ads on them costs nothing, allowing speculators to buy thousands of URI’s, fill them with ads and then sell the ones which don’t meet profit targets. It’s keeps good domains out of the hands of people trying to build sites and floods the web with advertising circle-jerks which encompass some of the most potent domains and sullies the reputation of digital pornographers. It’s a problem in the mainstream too.
Google’s decision won’t impact the speculators for long, but will likely result in similar bans at smaller ad networks and for ad types beyond those focused on domains. The days of porn sites being able to participate in mass-market advertising programs may be drawing to a close.
April 17th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 6th, 2007
Our very own Furry Girl, “America’s favorite hirsute hotty”, has landed a guest spot on Playboy Radio’s ‘Night Calls‘ this Friday 20th at 5:00 p.m. Pacific.
The show’s going to be a celebration of ‘Earth Day’ and focus on bringing green into the bedroom. I suspect there’ll also be a lot of questions regarding Furry’s fuzz, interest in menstrual sex and well documented tubal ligation.
I know what you’re thinking, totally wankable.
Furry’s not the first person you think of sitting down to bond with Christy Canyon and Ginger Lynn (who must both be still alive!?). Ironically they’re old enough to remember when the women in porn had pubes. Maybe they’ll find out where Kyla Cole’s gone and use her to spearhead a ‘Reasonable Pubes’ movement. Sign me up.
April 13th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 6th, 2007
Joe Francis.
I’m running out of ways to insult Joe Francis. Kicking someone when their down is obviously no problem but this guys operating at Corky like levels of retardation and it’s beginning to seem unfair.
Amazingly, a guy who’s made his fortune drugging teenagers into making an inebriated porn debut is going to go down over taxes.
Everyone in porn knows the law offers them no protection other than the first amendment; you only know your porn is legal when you’ve been challenged in court which is a costly proposition for winners and losers alike. Thankfully groups like the ACLU will step up to protect the scummiest content if its continued existence is a free-speech issue. You’ll probably win your porn defense but you better make sure the rest of your house is in order.
Which is why everyone I know in porn considers paying their taxes on-time, as conservatively as is reasonable, the baseline for staying out of jail. When you cheat on your taxes there’s no sympathy (Willie Nelson excluded – that hippy’s got friends in high places), you will go to jail because taxes are the governments money and the feds will come down on you harder than a third street pimp if you don’t have their mother-fucking-money, you dig?
Francis has been cheating on his taxes, which is a gift to anyone who hates what he does because convicting him for tax evasion is a thousand times easier than shutting down his operation on the grounds of decency. Smuggling drugs into jail and trying to bribe guards only makes him the kind of genius who doesn’t realize you can break the law behind bars just as easily as you can in the back of your RV with a naked fifteen year old.
Joe ‘I’ll pay you not to fuck me in prision’ Francis is no ones hero but it’s sad to see such a high-profile smut peddler giving the Max Hardcores and Rob Blacks of the world a bad name. Stupidity’s unforgivable.
(I’ve got nothing against this guy. He must be pissed… Nice hair!)
April 13th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 6th, 2007
Apple is selling music without DRM via iTunes and Danni.com – one of the bigger adult websites online – has quietly removed DRM from the videos in its members section.
The effects of this could be significant. The adult market is notoriously fond of trends and will follow Danni.com’s lead as soon as enough time has passed to be sure it’s profitable.
It will be.
The DRM fantasy is that DRM prevents content from being copied and distributed without authorization. An argument slightly less convincing than a speech by Paris Hilton at a ‘True Love Waits’ event if you’ve ever visited a file sharing site. If DRM was transparent and unrestrictive it would be a curiosity, but in practice is stops users for enjoying what they buy. For example, I buy DRM’d magazines online and have great difficulty moving them between my various computers. If I was trying to pirate the content I could do so by taking screengrabs and then compiling them into PDF’s. Obviously I’m not going to spend the time doing that for my own convenience but a pirate will. Thus the DRM effectively restricts paying customers like me, and does nothing to dissuade copyright abusers.
Windows Media DRM, the flavor Danni.com and the rest of the jizz bizz most often use, is clunky and almost impossible to work with on a Mac, so while adopting it gave Danni.com a false sense of security, it cost them the thousands of members who canceled due to problems viewing video. The decision to remove DRM means Danni.com will lose fewer subscribers and that’s money straight to the bottom line. That’s why whatever happens with their free to copy content, they’ll still be richer without DRM than with it.
Danni.com’s lead will cause most of the other large adult sites who’ve made DRM part of their offering reconsider how much they’re prepared to spend on security measures which only foil the least capable downloaders. I suspect it won’t be much.
April 11th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 6th, 2007
Before porn hit the mainstream in the late sixties people in search of their jollies had three choices.
Illegal underground hardcore
Pseudo ‘educational’ sex-ed films
Exploitation movies
While most educational films got away with including sexy content by telling you how bad it was to have a sex drive, exploitation movies just reveled in their own low budget craptitude and got on with pushing the boundaries of acceptability – considerably more fun. (Those boundaries were pretty tame, Betty Page was making ‘porn’ at the time and barely got past taking her top off.)
The Wild Women of Wongo’s about two islands, one of which contains a bunch of hot women, the other a group of men with conveniently ugly wives. Clearly, someone’s going to get wet.
Betty Page was making ‘porn’ at the time and barely got past taking her top off.
April 11th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 6th, 2007
Jenna Jameson.
I’ve been to LA from London twice in ten days and returning to earth can’t click a link for seeing the MSB (MainStream Blogosphere) freaking out over Jenna J’s uncomely, newly visible, bones.
Here’s what’s happening.
Anyone who’s had a boob-job knows plastic surgery and weight-loss don’t mix. All that stretched skin and scar tissue looks rough when it starts to sag.
Jenna’s had a very well publicized meth habit and meth, makes you thin. I’m not saying Jenna’s back on meth but damn is she thin.
Jenna needs better PR. The ’stress’ excuse for sudden weight loss is like the ‘exhaustion’ one for sudden loss of consciousness. If stress made you thin gyms would replace all those mirrors with pictures of tigers and personal trainers would creep up on you dressed as death. Not eating makes you thin. Stress has nothing to do with it (have you seen Al Gore?)
She’s falling apart faster than a clown car on a cobblestone street. Sad, but I’ve got to say I like this outfit. Very Sydney Bristow.
The best of the sex-blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
April 10th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 6th, 2007
Tara Tainton.
The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Want in Sugasm #75? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.
This Week’s Picks History: Marlene on the Wall (http://thismuse.blogspot.com)
“3AM, showering, head, his hands soapy on my breasts, I’m thankful I’ve dropped weight, the water is warm and cool enough to feel like bed.”
Afternoon Debauchery (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)
“Occasionally he’d push it further inside me, from where it had involuntarily escaped due to slickness and enthusiastic vibrations.”
Too Many Choices (http://bikersballsandteacherstits.blogspot.com)
“We’d been naked most of the time since getting here on Friday, so I wasn’t surprised when I reached under her skirt and found that she wasn’t wearing any panties.”
April 5th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 6th, 2007
Andrew Conru.
Business 2.0’s piece on Friend Finder Networks founder Andrew Conru is worth reading. Not only does it treat the adult business as – GASP – business, but it also provides some hard numbers for an area of the online market which, thanks to private ownership, doesn’t publish figures.
The figures are impressive. $200M a year in revenue, 40% growth per anum for the last nine years, 75,000 new users a day and 35 million visitors in 2006; making Adult Friend Finder bigger than Match.com and Yahoo! Personals (almost combined!).
Conru also highlights the dilema faced by all seriously successful adult companies. Unless you build a brand which trancends porn and becomes connected with ’sexy’ (i.e. Playboy) your success is a limitation. Friend Finder is now too big to be bought by another adult company, and too subversive to be bought by a mainstream operation in the US. Conru can’t sell out and has to rely on his own ideas to sustain his growth an income. There’s no cashing in, it’s porn for life.
April 4th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 6th, 2007
There’s lots of worrying from parents dealing unsuccessfully with a seismic shift in the availability of explicit sexual material, and unable to maintain the fantasy of perfectly innocent children who become adults at eighteen without prior sexual exploration.
‘Teens Hooked on Porn‘ is a documentary aimed at those who remember a time before the web, and who choose to believe it’s making the world increasingly sexual. It underscores the contrasting opinions of those born into the pre and post web era, at its zenith in the UK where hardcore material only became legal as the Internet exploded, forever gluing the appearance of porn to the rise of digital culture together in many minds.
The assumption here is that any teenager who looks at porn has a problem, and it’s never questioned (by anyone but the kids themselves). There’s no mention of any connection between adolescence and a perfectly healthy need to wank (unequaled by anything but the need to breathe in my case). Or of any differences between healthy and unhealthy porn.
There’s lots of worrying from parents dealing unsuccessfully with a seismic shift in the availability of explicit sexual material, and unable to maintain the fantasy of perfectly innocent children who become adults at eighteen without prior sexual exploration. They are quietly freaking out.
When they mention XXXChurch and introduce the cheesy psychologist you’re officially allowed to start laughing.
You’d never see a program suggesting adults limit their interest in music to playing an instrument, but take no time to listen to recordings or watch other people perform, because music is seen as beautiful, edifying and good. As long as sex isn’t seen that way, any pleasure taken in it will be presented as at best eccentricity and at worst a problem. Of course that view makes for less shocking documentaries.
The best of the sex-blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
April 4th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 6th, 2007
The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #74? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.
This Week’s Picks Dawn Tryst (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)
“The soft noises intensify as he shifts himself once more so that he is turned towards her and his fingertips on her body are mimicking hers on his own.”
The G-Spot Mystery Revealed OR “ACK! Go Back to My Clit” (http://shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com)
“So, since I’ve succumbed to the pressure, let me at least reveal to you the things you might not know about the g-spot, the things Cosmo doesn’t want you to know.”
M Hotel 2 (http://thenakedrhetoricaltruth.blogspot.com)
“I watch his face as his hands pull me open, and then I close my eyes, my arms stretched above my head, as he lowers his face.”
April 3rd, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 6th, 2007
Joe Francis, founder of Girls Gone Wild (who is opening restaurants in Mexico in case you thought my April 1st post was an April fool) got punched in the head by the boyfriend of a Brazilian model in Miami on Saturday (she models her Brazilian? That’s just a euphemism for porn star right?).
If I was that close to Joe Francis I’d have claimed she was my girlfriend too.
The king of infocore pornography is opening a chain of restaurants.
April 1st, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 6th, 2007
Joe Francis.
Joe Francis, 33, the man behind $100M of crap Girls Gone Wild videos has announced plans to open restaurants in Cancun and Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, this year.
According to the Los Angeles Business Journal,
“The restaurant rollout will start with owned-and-operated stores in beach tourist destinations. Once the format is set, the company plans to open smaller outlets in college towns across the country. Francis expects some type of franchising or licensing structure for the college-friendly clubs, with a total build-out of about 300 locations.”
“Sexiness sells too, and edginess sells,” Francis explained. “Women want to be around sex as much as men do, because women want to feel sexy.”
SugarBank has managed to gain access to an early draft of suggested menu items which includes:
Intoxicated oysters persuaded to appear live
Underage veal smothered in white sauce
Date raped Tuna steak on a bed of ashamed potato
Split Beaver (served raw.)
Aged beef (market price)
Joe’s Jailbait special
A standard range of cocktails will also be available (mickeys + 15%)
The best of the sex-blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
March 27th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 6th, 2007
The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #73? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.
This Week’s Picks Big-Titted Muses (http://middleurge.blogspot.com)
“In the span of fifteen seconds, these two lovers instantly own the room, the camera, the cock.”
Make it happen (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)
“Dip two strawberries in the chocolate, eat one and feed me the other.”
Water, Water Everywhere… (http://thismuse.blogspot.com)
“He pauses there, feeling the weight in his hands, then soaps my breasts, rubbing the nipples between his fingers and thumb.”
A reality show pilot about life behind the porn lens.
March 25th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 5th, 2007
…how many people will incorrectly assume all porn shooters are as smart, caring and honest as the Randalls…
I’m told this mini-doc is part of the pitch for a show detailing the lives of Suze and Holly Randall, two of the best known erotic photographers, unique in having enough combined star wattage to make the prospect of seeing them on TV interesting.
The biggest problem, should this show ever reach broadcast, is knowing how many people will incorrectly assume all porn shooters are as smart, caring and honest as the Randalls. Aspartame but true.
Cut to crying fan of the show asking sweaty, recently-sated photographer “Are you going to make me a star now? It wasn’t like this on TV…”
March 23rd, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 5th, 2007
Is the car’s refusal to start some sort of symbolic domination? What, as Freud famously said, the fuck?
My German’s not up to determining if CarCranking.de, a site for people who like to watch fully clothed women try to start recalcitrant jalopies, is for real. It could be, people are strange. If so, is this about feet? Is the car’s refusal to start some sort of symbolic domination? What, as Freud famously said, the fuck?
Anyone capable of shedding some light should feel free to write. If you find this to be surprisingly sexy and can now can only bust a nut once you’ve broken a distributor cap, sorry for ruining your sex-life. On the upside, your jollies are really easy to get now.
The best of the sex-blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
March 20th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 5th, 2007
The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #72? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.
This Week’s Picks
Roué (http://www.easilyaroused.co.uk)
“Her sighs of contentment build as my touch does its work.”
Wrong Number (http://radicalvixen.com/blog)
“They said clients were trying to call me and getting this restaurant instead.”
Ride to the Cabin (http://eroticawriter.blogspot.com)
“As he pulled into a dark lane that led into a grove of trees, I reached over to stroke him.”
Mr. Sugasm Himself Loveland (http://sugarbank.com)
Editor’s Choice Your hair (http://erotischism.blogspot.com)
March 20th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 5th, 2007
I’ll start by saying having to pre-order a cool T-Shirt suggests the shirt’s target market is geeky enough to place pre-orders and therefore can’t be cool.
Tautology aside this ‘Sex Slave‘ tee might be worth having. Combining apes, bondage, nudity, Japanese writing and pink it’s features everything considered cool by me sci-fi movie directors in the 1975-85 period.
$42 is a lot for a T-Shirt but I’ve been spending all my time in the UK lately and in London you can spend $42 on lunch at Subway.
March 14th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 5th, 2007
This surprisingly graphic clip highlights one of porn’s dirty little secrets. The footage includes scenes of blunt force trauma to a performer’s head – you might not like it.
Before ( http://thismuse.blogspot.com)
“Condoms and lube go into the bedside drawer next to the Bible. Purse into the drawer with clothes, whore-bag into the closet with my street shoes.”
It was all in French, but people who saw it said it was basically a depiction of American life from birth to death, portrayed in the most extreme way possible.
After stripping off their grubby clothes, the pair gobbled potato chips and spit them on the crowd, vomited into a filthy commode and threw around fake feces and urine before being shut down about a half hour into what was to be a 45-minute performance.
Okay. I get it. America.
The last straw, apparently, was a simulated sex act involving a carrot.
Gotta love the Midwest. Vomit and shit are just fine but sex with a carrot? That’s just disgusting. The unitended climax was reached during the song ‘Torture is Fun’ whose lyrics are below:
TORTURE IS FUN ( music : Costes – words : Costes & Lisou Prout )
- The carrot ! ahaha, the carrot !
- Aaaah ! not the carrot ! i hate shredded carrots !
Torture is fun ! Happyness is slavery
- not the pan ! not the swinging pan !
You’ll be singing that all day. (My favorite is ‘We Want Sex’ which you’ll find here along with the rest of the libretto in English)
The joke’s got to be on the gallery who booked Costes. He’s often described as ‘The French GG Allin’ and is both less dead and equally obsessed with coprophilia. Any superficial googling would have turned up a plethora of clues to the content of the show. This shut own smells like a publicity stunt to me, but I’m a cynical ex PR so I tend to see marketing everywhere (it’s like ‘They Live‘ – I have special sunglasses)
Coates website is pretty sexy if you’re into shit. It’s a place where nudity, blood and sex are indivisible.
Moral? In 2007 you can tell how crazy someone is from their use of HTML.
March 8th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 5th, 2007
The National Organization of Women thinks Dolce & Gabbana’s new ad’s a little too rapey.
I’m not sure how five gay guys professional mannequins would go about raping an anorexic model but I think it needs explaining.
I can’t help thinking the people who see the ‘rape’ in this ad also think ‘Leon‘ (’The Professional’ if you’re American) is about a pedophile, and keep shouting ‘Who is it?’ at the TV every time this Apple ad comes on.
Sure, the D&G ad’s kinky, if you squint a bit, but rape? Listen, if she didn’t want to be held down she shouldn’t have worn such a short dress.
Remember when fashion advertising didn’t mess around when it came to offending people? Ah, memories…
[ev type="youtube" data="vZVk21Pco-c"][/ev]
TreeHugger’s ‘How to Green Your Sex Life‘ is on the interesting side of ‘batshit-mad’, leaning over the fence, considering making the leap. Vegetarian’s taste better? That chestnut’s straight from a PETA action pack (and I have been a vegetarian for many years so stop writing that fucking email right now).
Greenpeace’s advice to “…ensure S&M paddles are made from sustainably harvested timber,” is my personal favorite. Doms are supposed to ‘tread lightly’ on the planet while laying into subs because the planet can be damaged forever unless we’re careful with it, while people… er… never mind.
Moving on…
We’ve all considered it. You borrow a friend’s phone, take a photo of your biscuits and send it to their entire address book pretending to be the phone’s owner. Hilarity ensues.
Why when a twelve year old steals an eleven year old’s phone, takes a picture of her junk and then sends it to ten people pretending to be the phone’s owner did someone call the police? Why should a kid get labeled as a deviant for a prank in which the only genitalia on display was their own? Who exactly was hurt by this? What ever happened to a telling off?
As for female teachers having sex with 16 year olds – how did that get out of my head and into reality? Anyone mind if I imagine a Cate Blanchett type? Sorry Miss I forgot my homework. Extra credit? How…?
The best of the sex-blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
March 7th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 5th, 2007
The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
This Week’s Picks The Adrenaline Moment (http://theprovocateur.wordpress.com)
“As soon as they stood, I was certain they spotted me – for they rose and both walked right up to the tall windows before them”
Bewitch Us Both! (http://perverselypoly.blogspot.com)
“She’s starting to breath shallow as your tongue makes its way along her outer lips, followed by one, two then three fingers.”
All Dressed Up And No-one To Fuck (http://joeheather.blogspot.com)
“The bra and thong stayed, though. I love to fuck my woman when she’s still partially clothed. ”
March 6th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 5th, 2007
The website for ‘Preggo Abuse‘ advertises “Miscarriage or Bust!” on its homepage.
It’s not funny, and only shocking due to the implication they’re trying to cause spontaneous abortions in their performers. AVN reports but makes no comment.
What’s wrong with these people?
Why in the world of post-modern porn must any expression of taste, discernment or humanity be viewed as a call for censorship? Publish this crap all you want but please, let us know that the world hasn’t been totally subsumed by the idiocracy.
March 6th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 5th, 2007
I’m not sure why you’d want to measure a vagina. The only one I’ve experienced whose size was notable, a commodious cooch, was exactly too big for ‘Little Sagan’ to do his normally embiggening magic. I could only touch the sides if I moved my hips like the clickwheel on an iPod.
However, if you’re a pre-op female-to-male transexual thinking of using your vaginal tissue to fashion a frankenpenis and want advance notice of how big you’ll be – the Inch Perfect vibrator might be just the thing.
The ‘reality-check’ implications of this thing mean you’ll never see it in the same room as me a male porn star.
Update: I’ve been schooled. Seska says this may also be useful for webcam performers whose 16-inch double-threat dongs confuse viewers into overestimating their vaginal capacity.
March 3rd, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 5th, 2007
Kami Andrews.
Kami Andrews was one of the smartest people in porn and kept a fantastic repository of things she heard on set in the ‘Quotes’ section of her site.
Now she’s left porn to help Iran build it’s nuclear missile (I think I’m remembering that right, it was either that or college) her site’s gone and with it her repository. Thus for the sake of mankind, this ‘Barely Legal’ 18th page of the Necropornicon contains the complete, (spellchecked!) Kami Andrews archive.
Read it and mourn the loss of an enema drinking, tampon sucking jizz-bizz legend the like of which we may not see again.
“Can you give me a BJ for the ‘Behind the scenes’ but never tell anyone about it?”
“She’ll be really hot once she hits bottom and cleans up.”*
“Your mistaking this for a work environment where girls don’t eat their own shit, things work differently here.”
“I don’t have to beat every girl I fuck, like if she’s pretty I can just cream pie her ass.”
About a director I almost worked for
“She just wants to make girls cry and she hates Americans.”
“Why can’t you quit.”
“Because it’s fun.”
“How much fun can it be to spend the night alone in a bathroom?”
“I never did coke or speed in a scene till I came to work for you, then when I saw how bad my performance was I decided to never do it again.”
“Well thanks a lot for discovering this after you did my movie.”
“I was watching TLC and I didn’t think it looked like Tender Loving Care.”
“I woke up and I was in the laundry room fucking a black guy.”
“That dog has done more coke than you.”
“Kiss me I have morphine in my teeth.”
“If the beat you up but don’t pay you it’s rape.”
“How much would it cost me to have him tied up and have a few guys cum on him?”
“Your life story would be called ‘When Bubble-Wrap Isn’t Enough’.”
“It’s not that I’m saying your stupid, it’s just that I feel really smart around you.”
“When you choke some one you shouldn’t press so hard in the middle.”
“I know that’s why I did it, don’t worry I could breathe just fine.”
This next batch of quotes is from march 2004 when we had the HIV scare. My friend who is a director was being pressured by her boss to shoot during the quarantine. So we did what anyone would do, got really drunk and tried to laugh about our friends getting a terminal disease. here are the suggestions for the movie her boss wanted to shoot.
“10 Man HIV Slam”
“A good Source of HIV 3″
“HIV in Every Eole”
“No HIV Dodging Aloud”
“Virus in my Mouth Not in my Ass”
“Once You Go Aids”
“G** Has an HIV Problem”
“J****** is an HIV Swallowing Whore”
“I’ve never been inside a vagina since I was born. Maybe that’s the punishment for being nowhere else before. We can even take this subject a step further – many men are in heaven when they are in a vagina. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to a vagina when you die… though maybe life is just the short period in the existence of a human being that s/he spends outside of vaginas, and maybe fucking is just a human tendency to flirt with death?”
“Kami… Maybe you should walk around the block a couple of times before you walk across the street to pee on me… God knows, you need to lose a little water weight…”
“That actually feels really good, not like the other times when i was moaning, then I was faking.”
“Baby when strangers give you unmarked prescription pills when you first walk in don’t take them.”
“By the time the third drug dealer has shown up and left your set you know the shoot is not going to go well.”
“I fell in love and it was a gas… come to find out I had a nose of glass.”
“Your ass opened up like a crater, we all looked away but your friends cheered.”
“My dad heard you yelling at the dildo in the kitchen.”
“It is a mountain of women, and there are only 2 of them.”
“We were done for the scene but then you guys just started peeing on each other.”
On mainstream coke heads: “At least they have a job their parents can be proud of!”
“You would like her, you guys both talk a lot.” Directed to me: “You could really be, almost, like a real actress.”
“Your not like a girl.”
“He saved $25 but cost me $1500.”
“I need a make up artist for the show.”
“Thats right yours overdosed.”
“Is E**** available.”
“No shes too cracked out.”
“Well fuck.”
“She will trade you coke for the pills.”
“Do you think she will do anal for them?”
“Ok your gonna give the blow job in the dumpster.”
“Wow your ass is like a big hungry mouth.”
“She is your real friend, she hid the toys that you didn’t want in your ass.”
“Damn, a porn chick who has her shit together.”
“My girl broke a window and need glass to fix it.”
“Honey don’t do lines off the floor, every one can see under the stall.”
Justifying my off screen BJ: “I’m the kill fee”
“You call those lines? You should be ashamed.”
“Fuck me till my ass is bleeding, blood is natures lubricant.”
“You were fucking girls at 18?”
“I was fucking my cousin at 10, we just pretend it didn’t happen.”
“There’s no way shes gonna be at the booth in the morning she has a speed problem.”
“Are you kidding, at least she’ll be up, unlike the alkies.”
“I need money for rent”.
“Go fuck someone.”
“I can’t football is on.”
“She tried to have me killed.”
“Ugly people shouldn’t be able to handle food.”
“they can’t make it in the real world. They can’t organize lunch let alone crime.”
“We should do an interracial gardening show called spades and hoes.”
“I don’t think the word “spade” would be well accepted.”
“I’m so over Nicole Kidman.”
“I’m not.”
“Shes a bad role model for kids she has an eating disorder.”
“I’m not a kid.”
“I dreamed we beat her then as she lay there crying we ordered pizza and made her beg like a dog, you felt bad for her so I spit on some crusts and fed her that.”
“Is it asscary or binary?”
“You’re emotionally hard to control.”
“I had to stop taping and send her home cause she cried the whole time, I asked her if she wanted to stop and she said no I need the money.”
“Damn thats hot, can I watch the raw?”
“Is my ass bleeding yet?”
“I suck good dick, thats something I can be proud of.”
“Isn’t that the prettiest ass hole you’ve ever seen?”
To me: “Kami Andrews is a stupid name, you should have a name like Shay Sweet.”
To my agent: “Where are all the blonde chicks.”
“The vibrator slipped lose and got stuck in her ass and she had to go to the ER and have it surgically removed.”
To me: “Your Finished, you’ll never work in this town again.” The funny bit is he had no idea what my name was.
“She couldn’t take my calls cause she has chlamydia.”
“Everyone wants to fuck a midget.”
“The best part is I’m not addicted.”
“I accidently put your speed through the drier.”
“You have a magic Pussy.”
“At first I thought you were blaming me, but then I realized you were crazy.”
“Hallucinations are a normal part of the come down.”
“I do a key for breakfast a key for lunch and then eat a sensible dinner.”
“I can’t do it outside, it’s outside out there.”
“I’m getting into heaven cause I’ll just suck off St. Pete.”
“How did I get this shirt on.”
“I dreamt I was writing down lip gloss colors.”
“That wasn’t a dream that was 5 minutes ago.”
“I just shit my pants.”
“I have flour in my asshole.”
“My ass is self lubrication.”
“I think I have a vicaden addiction.”
“ok lets switch you to valium.” 1 week later “Maybe coke?”
“I can pee on my own face.”
“I had three sport fucks today.”
“I think someone should give the limo driver a BJ, he’s been so nice.”
“Am I the only whore who’s gonna ride the Bull?”
“Coke is cheaper and less addictive than red bull.”
“She spent $25,000 pimping her ride, then it got repoed.”
“Oct is syphalis month!”
“Do your impression of him snorting speed again.”
“I think the airline stole my drugs.”
“You are so pretty, if we were starving and I had to eat you, I would eat your lips first like little fajita strips.”
“I am going to give you an enema, extract it with a turkey baster and feed it to you, OK?”
“How long can you hold your breath?”
“I started with 11 pills and we both had one so there are 6 left.”
“My agent didn’t tell me there would be fisting, is the rate the same?”
“Um… I am pretty sure that isn’t legal.”
“When can I see this movie?”
“It will never be available in America.”
“But the pee pool is hungry.”
“Do not grab my cock while I am holding the camera, it’s fine to grab it, but not while I’m holding the camera.”
“I think someone slipped you something.”
“Why would they do that? I take anything anyone gives me.”
“Why aren’t I working more?”
“Cause your a terrible actress, go home and watch some Taylor Rain.”
As a compliment: “Well don’t you look slutty.”
“Well we were throwing poppers at her when we got this idea…”
Porn chick to a guy with a small dick: “What the hell am I supposed to do with that?”
“Oh thats just not sexy.”
“Who has what in my ass!”
“Um, the producer is missing.”
“When will my movie be out?”
“Well he blew all the money for the movie and only got three scenes.”
“You can have all the dildos you can shove in you!”
“My dick is made of flesh!”
“Bottom line.. will she toss my salad?”
“It’ll be an easy day he has a small cock.”
“Don’t hit him back.”
“Oh. My. God. I have Assne!”
“An attention seeking porn chick, that’s new.”
“I expected to get AIDS but pink eye!”
“Your job is to get the cum out!”
“Her problems come from child molestation, she can’t figure out why she wasn’t molested, wasn’t she pretty enough?”
“There are a lot of things to complain about. Don’t.”
“We need those turkey drumsticks for the third scene.”
“Addiction goes in cycles, used to be alcohol, then coke, now I can’t stop tanning; please don’t ask me to stop tanning.”
“Does blood ever come out of your ass?”
“We thought you looked like shit when you came in but now that you have make up on we want to book another scene.”
“This aint Wall Street kid.”
“You gotta love the whores.”
“I’ll suck off anyone that will take me to Carls Jr.”
From 3 people in one day: “Can I borrow an enema”
Girl to male performer: “If someone tried that with me I would slap him.” Male performer: “I’m sure he would be shocked if you moved.”
“It’s scary when they make you go night-night.”
“How does your daddy like to fuck you?”
To a porn chick: “What good is your cell phone number, if you can’t remember what bar of the backseat of what car you left it in?”
“Um I hid like 2g from myself and I can’t find it.”
“Leave your shirt off, I don’t wanna have to tip the delivery boy.”
“What’s Root Beer?”
Porn chick: “Is this my balance?” Kami: “Yes.” Porn chick: “It says $100.” Kami: “Yes.” Porn chick: “I wonder what I spent $23,000 on?”
“Can I lick some coke off your clit? Please?”
“You don’t remember? He actually put the camera down to fist you.”
“Look, it’s cows. You run out with your pants down like you want to fuck them and we will tape it.”
“Open my ass up like a 7-11.”
Kami Andrews to producer: “Thank you so much.” Producer: “Thank you too my little cock-socket. You are a pleasure to puke-fuck!”
“What we need here… is a stupid little fuck-hole who hasn’t yet heard of me, and would foolishly agree to come up to my room.”
“No man, ecstasy is a chicks drug.”
“You are not the first girl to snort cum.”
“…and he blamed my crew for his legs getting broken, but they were all in prison at the time.”
“I made a joke about the smell being her pussy, but it turns out ***** had just been eating fish in the room.”
“You licked the bottom of his shoe! And I didn’t even have to tell you to.”
“I need you to not pound her so hard so I can get my dick in her ass.”
“Um why is your finger in your butt?”
“Who stole my fucking enemas!”
“You CAN do double anal!”
“You know, if there aint two dicks in a chick I just can’ be bothered to watch anymore.”
“I am so bored that I’m looking for things I can stick in my ass and take pics of to send to my friends”
“We started with white ones, then pink, but we were the only two who took the brown ones and so I think they’re the ones that made us puke.”
“Well that’s just life isn’t it.”
“I wish I had fur so I could pet myself.”
Porn chick 1 “I am terrified that if I fart I may shit myself.” Porn chick 2 ” Oh my god me to!”
“Keep the lesbian train moving.”
“Say welcome to big boobed lesbian bangeroo.”
“The code word is peachy.”
“I was on set all day and Johnny didn’t try to fuck me!”
“I was there for 20 minutes and no one offered me drugs so I got pissed and left.”
“She doesn’t always have to put it in her butt, I saw her using her nose.”
“Working for ***** sucks! It was only in my ass for like 10 seconds. I actually left the set feeling really horny, like the foreplay went on too long.”
Porn chick 1: “All the guys were really high and lazy in my scene.” Porn chick 2: ” your lucky ******** actually fell asleep in mine.”
“I am going to have to go three months with out being DP’ed.”
“I want a flashlight in my ass too!”
“So what would you do for a Klondike bar?”
“She isn’t even worthy of throat fucking into submission.”
To five chicks crammed in a club bathroom stall: “Guys, I actually came in here cause I have to pee.”
An agent to a girl: “When I start sucking dick you can start talking”
“Her make up would be perfect if she would just stop five minutes sooner.”
Make-up artist to PA: “I hope you booked some hotter girls, cause I can only do so much.”
Porn chick: “Oops I just pooped on your carpet.” Camera guy: “Thats why I don’t have a dog.”
While watching playback: Porn chick: “I was all nervous, but my ass looks great, its so tan and nice, look at it!” Editor: “That’s not your ass.”
“I am so glad that I have a life style where I can just sit here and masturbate in front of my friends.”
“Do you want to eat the cum out of her ass or off her face?”
“I was gonna not do the scene, cause I was upstairs and I had one of those ‘Oh my God, this is my life and I am a filthy whore’ kinda moments, but once we got fucking I really got into it.”
“I have opinions, but I just assume that they don’t matter.”
“Lets give it to her and see if she eats it.”
“OK that was great, but in the next scene could you let me fuck you, and not buck me off?”
“You’re my toilet paper, do you like being my toilet paper?”
“Yes.”
“I need you to beat my feet.”
“He’s small and I mean in every way.”
“You can try to fist me if you want.”
“Was that blood or lipstick?”
“I wouldn’t fuck her if she was dead for like a week.”
“Yeah I’m pretty suicidal.”
“Interesting, my life is really great right now.”
“Dad always seems to show up when someone is really high or doing an enema.”
“My mom put cat poop on my hands.”
“We cannot do anything to these girls that their fathers or uncles haven’t already done.”
“Nobody cares about the dialog, they just fast forward to see how blown out the whore’s ass is.”
“It’s all fun and games until nobody cums.”
“When you see her, be sure and take her to Taco Bell because that whore needs to eat.”
“If you don’t swallow, don’t bother doing porn.”
Ashley Blue: “They treat girls like eggs. They use up the insides and throw the empty shells aside.”
“In this business somebody is going to take advantage of you, why not us?”
“She’s so white trash. You just can’t wash away that much white trash.”
“That’s not cancer that’s herpes.”
“Let me know when you can get two butt plugs in your ass and I’ll let you squirt in my mouth.”
Porn chick 1 gives tips on looking skinny in pictures Porn chick 2: “That sounds really dangerous and unhealthy, I’ll try it”
“If your gonna do blow kid, do it for breakfast – you can’t sleep all day.”
“I can’t believe you thought five guys peed on you, it was only three!”
“Do you even remember fucking me?”
“Thank you for having a clean ass.”
In a surprised voice: “You’re not fat!”
“So we have a black midget with a 9 and a half inch cock.”
“I don’t want to hurt you baby I love you” Followed by a smack
Porn chick to producer: “Can I use the bathroom.” Producer: “Only if I can film it.” Porn chick: “OK.”
“Hmmm… Not sure who you’re talking about, what was she doing?”
“Fucking you.”
“The customer service of drug dealers has really slipped.”
“Why haven’t I sucked your dick yet?”
“If you are going to surprise me please tell me about it.”
“If you had said you were raped he would have cum in his pants.”
“Its okay to bring up Mom and Dad, but I leave the brothers out of it cause they may kick my ass.”
“Please don’t choke me out.”
“Can we choke you till you are in a ethereal state?”
“Please don’t drink anymore.”
“Its okay, I’m going to pass out soon.”
“Pain is temporary. Film is forever.”
Bailey: “My ass makes me more money than my college degree.”
“You are going to be shitting cum for a week. Its all about the residuals.”
“I’m not sure what’s going on, but I don’t think she’s gonna gape.”
“I was fighting with you all day, I just didn’t tell you.”
“I can’t get my line right if you look at me with those puppy dog eyes.”
“Oh we got lots of girls, the problem is we can’t find a dog.”
“If it makes you feel better I can fuck chicks I don’t want to.”
“We are the only people in the diner talking about our load size.”
“I’m not putting this pipe down till I’m sucking flames.”
“I think I just snorted some ashes.” When a motorist pulled over to see why Marie’s car was covered in blood
“It’s ok we were just doing a… thing.”
“Who am I again?.”
“Oh don’t stick anything in there yet, or I can’t use the footage.”
“I get all my pills Fed Ex.”
“So I called the cops to have the crazy whore removed from my apartment.”
“I am not used to raping people.”
“I accidentally tasted his cum.”
“You have to be careful not to cum on her busted out ass and whatever you do don’t touch her face.”
“June is chlamydia month.”
“How much do you want to just lick the cum off her face.”
“Would you mind eating your own cum?”
“I’m going to pee in the pool, get the camera.”
“These are the first alien breasts I have touched in 6 months.”
Boyfriend to girlfriend: “Do you want to watch this girl suck my dick?” Girlfriend: “Yes. I’ll shoot stills”
“Do you need help stretching out your asshole?”
“I can’t suck strangers dick without permission, hang on and I’ll call and ask.”
“Would you give a horse a hand job? Well what about a dog?”
“OK, so you’re a demon and the only thing that can give you life is cum.”
“The best part about working for Wicked is the catering.”
“Did my make up artist do your make up like that?”
“Try to stop grinding your jaw.”
“Can we pee on you? Well can my wife pee on you?”
“I am not going to eat puke out of his asshole!”
“I need to see more tongue actually going in the butt.”
“I need you to suffocate him with your breasts.”
Porn chick to make up artist: “Do you think I’m crazy?” Makeup artist: “Yes.”
Bathroom attendant: “One lady per stall please”
“Would you like to see my titties?”
“Can you please stop giving her pills.”
“I don’t have the will power to go in that bathroom to pee, if I do I’ll never make it up in the morning.”
Porn chick 1: “I haven’t had a nice poop in 2 weeks” Porn chick 2: “you never appreciate you poop till it’s gone”
“Hey, come here and look I just made a solid poop.”
“No.”
“Hey I picked you up some flexeril.”
“I need to look them up on the internet and see what they do, I am afraid some of these pills might be affecting my emotional state.”
“You don’t need to look anything up, they are.”
“I took the job.”
“Well make a doctors appointment now, cause your going to need it.”
“Don’t use that toilet paper, the good toilet paper is over there.”
“Good toilet paper?”
“It sticks to your pussy less.”
“I hear your coming to town next week, so you wanna do a bukkake? You know all the cool kids are doing it. Don’t you wanna be cool?”
“Will it make me a star? Will I be famous? Sure I’ll do it!”
“Not only will your name be in lights but your face will be glazed with glop. How can you not come out on top? You know we all want to see it.”
The above is funny, sad and true directly in proportion to how much porn you’ve seen. Personally? I need a hot drink and a hug.
March 1st, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 5th, 2007
Ron Jeremy is a really nice guy but you don’t tend to associate his name with good taste. Good tastebuds maybe, the guy does to buffets what Halliburton does to no-bid contracts (Zing!), but he’s the last person you’d expect to find in the celebrity homes issue of Wallpaper.
When I found this T-Shirt (pictured) in a store today I was taken aback. It’s actually pretty nicely designed. I’d almost wear it. ‘The Hedgehog’ looks good as a South Park/minifig chimera. Who’da thunk it?
As I wasn’t about to drop £20 ($4,000,000) on a T-shirt simply so I could blog about it, I instead committed the manufacturer’s website to memory and walked home, to discover I’d lost it somewhere between the parts of my brain dedicated to ‘breasts’ and ‘ninjas’ – forcing me to spend the next hour Googling for a picture of the thing.
Did you know 50% of world manufacturing is dedicated to producing T-shirts carrying the image of Bill Clinton’s favorite Jew?
February 28th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 4th, 2007
People are shocked – SHOCKED! – by recent pictures of Jenna Jameson looking, to borrow a medical phrase, rough. They’re asking ‘what happened!?’ to this presumably legendary beauty. I feel it’s my duty to provide some answers.
Firstly it’s worth remembering that unless you’ve met her when she’s not expecting to be photographed, as I have, you’ve never really seen Jenna Jameson. 99% of images of her are heavily retouched and as she’s not subject to constant attention from the paparazzi you’ve actually seen more of Angelina Jolie sans make-up than you have Jenna J.
The digital camera’s used by press photographers pick up more detail than the film cameras they’ve replaced and we view the images online where zooming and cropping is easy. It’s a tough gig when you’re expected to drip glamour and sex appeal. I wouldn’t fancy my chances under equivalent scrutiny. Yes Jenna looks awful in these shots but you would too. Maybe worse. Now I’ve got the niceties out of the way here’s the answer to everyones question.
What’s happened to Jenna Jameson?
Multiple breast enlargements
Collagen lip injections
Cheek implants
A nose job
A chin implant
A facelift
Take a look at the Jenna pictures here, taken approximately a decade apart, and see for yourself. Most of this is pretty common knowledge.
Porn years are like dog years but they count for three, not seven. By that measure Jenna looks pretty good for a woman pushing sixty.
The best of the sex-blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
February 28th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 4th, 2007
The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
This Week’s Picks First Client (http://thismuse.blogspot.com)
“He buries his nose in my pussy, licks me while I suck him, rubs his mouth up and down me.”
His point of view (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)
“Once he shut the door — urgently, impatiently, with a deft kick of his heel and a satisfying thud as the lock caught, all vestiges of decorum disappeared.”
Why is my sex ed class so sticky? (http://deliciously-naughty.typepad.com)
“This game was played for NINE years, and it’s only this year that parents are writing the school board?”
The best of the sex-blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
February 25th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 4th, 2007
The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
This Week’s Picks First Orgasm (http://deliciously-naughty.typepad.com)
“His thumbs begin to stroke my nipples, and I watched my breath, coming out in little puffs of air, quicken.”
It’s in the Genes (http://www.sex-kitten.net/home.html)
“I found old magazines disguised as photography and drawing magazines but were actually full of nude women and some men […]“
February 23rd, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 4th, 2007
Daniel Radcliffe.
“That’s ectoplasm,” grunted Harry, “don’t waste a drop.” Hermione swallowed.
Roman Polanski to direct ‘Deathly Hallows’
Michael Jackson comeback video controversy
I couldn’t resist posting this photo, if only to point out how ridiculous current laws are. Now you’ve seen it you have to burn your computer and go into hiding.
You’ll visit me in jail right?
Update: I know this image is a Photoshop manipulation. Current US law prohibits:
“any visual depiction, including any photograph, film, video, picture, or computer or computer-generated image or picture, whether made or produced by electronic, mechanical, or other means, of sexually explicit conduct, where -
(A) the production of such visual depiction involves the use of a minor engaging in sexually explicit conduct;
(B) such visual depiction is, or appears to be, of a minor engaging in sexually explicit conduct;
(C) such visual depiction has been created, adapted, or modified to appear that an identifiable minor is engaging in sexually explicit conduct; or
(D) such visual depiction is advertised, promoted, presented, described, or distributed in such a manner that conveys the impression that the material is or contains a visual depiction of a minor engaging in sexually explicit conduct . . .”
That was the point of the post (If you didn’t email me on this – thanks for getting it.)
February 23rd, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 4th, 2007
You can’t accuse me of pretending to be be an expert in areas I don’t know. Hand to hand combat and the orgasmic techniques of the ancient Mayans, yes. Thumbnail Gallery Posts… not so much.
This wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t own TGP.com. It’s a serious URL and a possession which puts me in a position where each week I have to email someone and say no, $25,000 isn’t an offer I’m interested in, even though it should be when the URL isn’t making me that much a year and should be making more each week. Despite never becoming expert in the field of ‘giving shit away’ I’ve had enough experience on most sides of the adult business to feel confident I could make the site a success. The problem’s the model.
At TGP’s people upload links to free photos which are shared with visitors after a little filtering. The money comes from ads and for a TGP owner the more creatively they can be rammed down a surfers gaping maw the better. Lucre which has lead to the proliferation of pop-overs, pop-unders, flash-floaters and the other annoying IN YOUR FACE techniques the jizz-bizz is famous for. It’s a very dirty, and highly profitable, business.
I’ve always been reluctant to fall into this trap, determined to run TGP without resorting to scumbag webmaster techniques. There are good guys in every part of the adult business, I’ve met them. I’ve made it my mission to be that guy in TGP because like female baldness, it can work beautifully even if it’s a little unusual.
So I’ve tried to run a traditional TGP with no scummy ads (result – tons of crappy traffic and no real profit), as a blog with few TGP elements (result – high quality traffic and absolutely no profit) and most recently as a web 2.0 style TGP/Digg hybrid (result – total confusion and almost no profit).
It’s frustrating because the site as it exists today should be a blockbuster. Content is uploaded directly by users and voted on by anyone who comes to the site. The best stuff makes the homepage and the spam gets deleted. It’s Digg meets fapp(ing), a genius and much copied idea (I copied it too so that’s okay), and about as popular among webmasters as leaving a World of Warcraft all-nighter to take a Pilates classs.
As a marketing guru it’s my job to know why things work and more importantly, why they don’t. In this case I’m lost. Sure the TGP design might be crappy and the technology imperfect but have you seen this? It’s ugly as sin and makes seven figures a month. Ugly is not a problem (or this? It’s ugly as sin and makes seven figures a month.)
So I’d like to hear from people who know about this TGP niche and want in on TGP.com. I’m going back to school (start your mental training montage). I wanna be a contender. Sure I’m older than normal but I still got some stuff in the basement. I’ve got too much on my plate to start from scratch so we’re going to have to make a splash, rely on some blunt force trauma. I wanna build some hurtin’ bombs.
Teach me, take my money, tell me what to do. Make me your bitch. It’ll give me something to blog about, and give you a share in TGP.com (a version of which is making the silly money it should be, not the beer money it is). Hell I’ll even through in marketing/PR advice and handjobs if it’ll help (to clarify that’s handjobs for women – women with… er… cocks. Guys, you just get oral).
Otherwise I’m going to shave off my hair and check into reTGPhab (that was bad, but the comedy union said I had to or they’d kick me out). Talk to me.
February 20th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 4th, 2007
Last year electro music found its sex appeal and spawned a rack of erotic videos which were comprehensively blogged here and elsewhere. I’m a fan. Good music and big budgets make sexy videos some of the best looking porn we’ve got. Thanks to the internet the full softcore glory of the clips isn’t a wasted effort either, it’s just sad that YouTube’s so prudish and crappy looking.
As FHM is no longer available in the US you’re never going to see this photo set of Niki Belucci, ex-pornster and well known topless DJ. The text that runs with these scans is about as important to this article as Belucci’s choice of records is to her fame. My bet’s her first US appearance will be at the Playboy mansion or my house. I’m taking bets.
The now prehistoric ‘Stupid Disco’ by Junior Jack is finally released in the UK this week as ‘Dare Me (Stupid Disco)’. If you haven’t seen the unedited, topless, version of that clip unzip and watch this.
Finally, Fedde le Grand is a Dutch DJ whose ‘Put Your Hands Up For Detroit‘ has been one of the biggest tunes in Europe in the last 12 months. Yanks tend not to like this happy-housey stuff as much as us Euros, so if your not of the cock-loving, hands-in-the-air persuasion it’s probably new to you. The video’s the key of course. Fedde’s clone can only be activated by lap-dancing technologists. I love science.
February 18th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 4th, 2007
As it’s Sunday, for anyone who’s not a fan of big posts which require thought, take comfort in big breasts – which only require effort to lift.
I don’t make a habit of linking to paysites, especially when I’m not being paid, but as someone who spent a considerable amount of time trying to find women with massive natural breasts to work as models (ahh… my youth) I know how rare bodies like this are. It’s a little much for me but as any good mountaineer will tell you, “Because it’s there.”
NB: I strongly suspect a few of the ladies pictured have had small(ish) implants placed in already large boobs. It’s a clever trick which makes big boobs look Brobdingnagian and natural at the same time. If you’ve got a good eye and spot a falsie, don’t blame me.
February 18th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 4th, 2007
We – if I’m allowed to use the Royal we in reference to the Jizz Bizz specifically – have been waiting for micropayments for a long time and Scott Mcloud’s recently posted visual explanation of the reasons we need a viable micropayment system is the best I can imagine. Everyone knows it’s easier to sell a million copies for a cent, than a hundred copies for twenty bucks but thus far, the market failed to deliver.
The reasons why are now obvious and they have a name. Google and VISA.
When publishers can sell webpages, for a price so insignificant it makes piracy a hassle for all but the truly broke, Google is in trouble. Users don’t like ads, communities are willing to support the sites they like if it’s cheap, and even a reduced audience of users paying directly for what they consume will produce revenues that make advertising pale by comparison. An article from The New York Times archive which is pricey at a buck is a no brainer at a cent and you can’t sell an ad on a page which can’t be seen. Micropayments give Google a real competitor, it’s truly disruptive technology.
VISA – who represent the world’s major banking cartel – are in worse trouble. No more forward thinking as a group than the music, movie or TV industries, and similarly apt to change only when under extreme duress, they can’t imagine any way to fund a micropayment system which doesn’t rely on their credit-card processing infrastructure (they’re probably right, at least to start with). Their assuming that when micropayments do become widespread the companies controlling them never seek to cut them out of the loop. Big assumption.
So given Google and VISA in opposition – or more accurately alseep at the keyboard – how will we evolve beyond the credit card?
The obvious solution is a middleman. A website where people can charge an account in credit-card friendly lumps and then debit them, anywhere, via a widget which responds to a click/password combination. The middleman will provide a way to protect the digital content which doesn’t require users to change the presentation of their websites, redirecting paying customers transparently so they don’t ever feel as if they’re leaving the website they’re visiting. You’ll simply be given a chance to pay, do so, and then get your stuff.
Unlike existing payment systems (credit cards, PayPal etc.) the fees for using the system will be so small (10% or less) that any amount can be charged profitably – usefully reducing chargebacks, which get less likely as the amount of money exchanged gos down. The real bad guys, exposed to an increased volume of paying customers and potential complaints, would get shut down faster than they do today and everyone would make more money as customers who don’t have to think about spending tiny amounts start to do it much more often.
Such a system’s surely coming, I can’t be the only person thinking this way (some disagree). Properly implemented it could kick the subscription model back into its rightful niche and revolutionize content distribution. Unfortunately, as the mainstream will doubtless bar pornographers from becoming users initially, I hope someone smart is thinking about how the digital underworld will survive on a web which sells its goods as easily and cheaply as world we actually live in. A change is gonna come.
February 15th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 4th, 2007
If you’re one of the fives of people who’s been asking themselves, “Why can’t I play Japanese mathmatics fad Sudoku AND brows softcore porn simultaneously!?” today your prayers are answered.
Sexy Sudoku teams the friendless solitude of internet Sudoku, with the soul burning longing felt by lonely men trapped by their on existence from ever knowing the softcore porn models they lust after. Who’s in?
Actually this new site might be great, I just don’t get it. Why do you need porn and Sudoku. Or more specifically, why do you need Sudoku? If I had free access to the site I might be able to tell you. As I don’t, all I’ve got it sarcasm people. Now work with me…
The adult industry's ahead of the mainstream. Again.
February 14th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 4th, 2007
Elisha Cuthbert.
In recent weeks tech writers charged with sexing up their editorial have been suggesting that porn, not Sony, Time Warner and Universal, will decide the format war between HD DVD and Blu-ray.
The pieces all use the VHS vs. Betamax struggle as a template for today’s showndown, explaining how Sony’s technically superior Betamax lost out to JVC’s VHS because you could only get porn on the latter format.
Unfortunately, this cute, convenient and well-worn tale is wrong.
VHS won the hearts of consumers because early Betamax machines could only record 60 minutes compared to VHS’s 120. That meant you could watch or record a movie on VHS without changing tape – something Sony forgot to consider and paid dearly for.
Specifically the standard Betamax tape was the L-500 (containing 500 metres of tape) and was good for 60 minutes of recording at Beta I speed. You could also get L-750’s, which allowed for 90 mins at Beta I speed, 3 hours at Beta II and 4.5 hours at Beta III.
VHS players recorded 120 minutes as standard and you didn’t have to pay extra for a longer, thinner tape and then be forced to record at the machine’s lowest quality to get to the magic 120 minute mark sufficient for most movies. That’s why, despite lower image quality, with blank media costing $10 – $15 a piece at retail, VHS was the smart choice for anyone trying to put movies on tape. Coupled to the comparatively high-price of Sony’s equipment, which still holds true today, and users had two good reasons to choose VHS.
All pornographers did was notice VHS’s practical superiority and put another nail in Betamax’s coffin by making porn available on VHS before Betamax. VHS wasn’t better because it had porn, VHS was better anyway and pornographers have a good eye for markets to exploit.
Now the history’s been corrected I’d like to point out it’s all irrelevant anyway. Porn chose its next-generation format back in 1996, a year before DVD hit the market, and it’s called the internet. It’s also why all those estimates on the size of the porn industry are wrong, overestimating video and underestimating the web (hasn’t anyone else read ‘The Long Tail‘?).
The only porn companies obsessing over the new HD formats are those who haven’t managed to make the internet profitable. When they do maintaining a huge stock-handling disk and tape shipping operation looks archaic, expensive and pointless by comparison. The editor of the New York Times said he doesn’t care if he’s printing a paper in five years time. Content providers who understand progress don’t care about formats, they care about content.
Porn studios can choose whichever format they like, consumers have already chosen internet porn over movies, and they’ll continue to chose media carriers based on convenience, cost and content availability. HD DVD and Blu-ray have lost to the web already, the tragic thing is they don’t seem to know it.
If anyone’s ready to bet printing and shipping disks can compete on cost with firing bits over a peer-2-peer network I’m ready to take their money. Sure there’ll be a market for the new discs but even now mainstream content providers are looking at YouTube and Joost and realizing the future’s not on the shelves of Wal-Mart.
February 13th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 4th, 2007
Justine Joli.
I’ve been friends with Justine Joli for years and more recently have been advising her on ways to improve her website. Unsurprisingly I took my own advice and advised her to build a blog.
I said she should providing huge free pictures with each post, supply free thumbnail images which allow curious browsers to get an idea of what she’s publishing, and suggested she inject enough personality to allow people to get a sense of who she is to avoid being labeled just another mindless piece of ass.
It’s pretty cool. No one’s launched a paysite which is also a real blog yet (there are lots of pretenders, but no legitimate examples I know of) and we think it marks a new, better, way of doing things. You don’t have to fight through a stale tour and you get complete access to Justine’s archives (which will build daily). Thanks to RSS, you can subscribe to updates without having to give up your email address (email subscriptions are still available). As the blog always reflects the newest content you can see how often the site’s updated each time you visit, and get a real sense of who Justine is from her comments and text entries.
Read cold the bible reads like the kind of script Max Hardcore would reject on grounds of taste. Browsing The Brick Testamant offers up all the rape, incest and prostitution any deviant could desire. I’d focus on the old testament, angry God was more fun than hippy jesus.
I know this isn’t supposed to be arousing but what’s a guy to do faced with such wanton hairless blockiness?
The best of the sex-blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
February 13th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 4th, 2007
The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them.
This Week’s Picks Black Tie Optional; Cleavage Required. (http://middleurge.blogspot.com)
“It had been so long since she’d worn something like this, I had to keep checking in and making sure she was really comfortable with appearing in public looking this… well, sexy.”
Don’t Be A Blog Playa (http://marketingwhore.naughtyblog.net)
“Blogging is often treated like dating, where folks fall in love with setting it up, posting some ramblings, and when no one gushes and fawns all over them, they move onto the next one.”
Eclectic Slut part one (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)
“As we lay, limbs entwined and tangled, realising that we couldn’t stop touching each other even for a second, the conversation returned to one we’d started earlier… about control and submission.”
February 9th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 4th, 2007
“Pretty much everyone I ever meet tries to fuck me. I don’t know if it’s because they think I’m attractive, or they want to tell their friends they’ve fucked ‘The World’s Most Famous Porn Star’” – Jenna Jameson
February 8th, 2007 by Sam Sugar | Last modified: July 4th, 2007
Luke Ford
Luke Ford does porn industry gossip as well as anyone but holds a narcissistic perspective in which his own life and real news seem interchangeable.
As the most hated journalist in porn taking shots at him is an industry in itself. His dedication to porn over time (some would call it an obsession), coupled to writing which unironically portrays the jizz-bizz as the last refuge of the dammed, makes him the goto guy for mainstreammedia outlets needing a porn expert.
That’s why what he says matters to anyone who cares about commercial sexuality, and the reason I find the following posting so depressing.
Writing about Holly Randall, a woman who he briefly and very publicly dated, and her decision to enter rehab he reveals a raft of opinions which in addition to his racism (with more here or just pick a page at random), reveal porn’s most visible commentator to be… well read it and weep.
Rehab – What Better Time To Mock Someone?
Reading this supportive thread about Holly Randall’s entry into rehab on the normally vicious Monkey Cage nauseated me. (Update)
Yes, I only want good things for Holly, and I am glad she’s getting support at this time of crisis, but if you don’t give a damn about Holly, what better time can there be to mock her?
I’m tired of this sacred hands-off approach to drunks and other addicts who go into rehab and start twelve-stepping.
What better reason is there to make fun of someone than that they can’t control themselves? If someone spent hours a day on a computer masturbating to porn, wouldn’t it be right to make fun of them? Isn’t “wanker” or “fagR
is 
