One’s a talented author, one’s a talented woodsman but Craig has managed to tie Paris Hilton, Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy into a post which makes a series of salient points about publishing (porn’s published too!)

E.g. When independent distributors come under pressure they often abandon the obscure for the safety of the mainstream. In that case, is Amazon the best friend of the avant-garde?

More smart contortions follow…

NB: Craig’s last novel, Dermaphoria, is now out in paperback. Let Google be your guide…

(Image a page from the graphic novelization of ‘The Contortionists Handbook’)

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Craig Clevenger.

In my email this morning:

“i currenlty started practining Contortion but i have really no clue where to
start i was searching the internet i i came across you page if still have
the handbook i would love to have you send it to me.
let me know”

Just in case anyone else is thinking the same way, The Contortionist’s Handbook has nothing to do with Contortion. I know the title’s misleading – don’t blame me.

PS If the sender of this email is interested in the adult industry there’s a space for you…

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The first bad review of ‘The Contortionist’s Handbook’ has been posted.

Perfect.

1. Firstly it proves that I’m not looking for shill’s – just honest opinion.
2. Secondly it’s well reasoned and a valid opinion. I love the book but obviously not everyones going to. it’s hard to imagine anything with real artistic integrity being universally loved. You could say that dissent is a necessary spice and I’m glad to have found some.
3. Thirdly it’ll remind me to get to the post office…

Check out WriterBoy’s take here. It’s not unduly negative and obviously written by someone with a love of literature. Great stuff.

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Another blogger has read ‘The Contortionist’s Handbook’:

Introduction to Practicing Contortion

It’s a great review. Detailed, challenging and clearly the work of a biblophile. It even explores the Chuck Palahniuk connection and links to the discussions of Craig’s work among Palahniuk fans. I continue to be amazed, flattered and impressed by the people who read this blog. You’re smarter than me (not you – the other readers).

The long-promised final shipment of books is happening this week. As always, drop me a line when you’ve read the copy I’ve sent you. I don’t care if you don’t blog it, but I’d love to know you’ve read it (or if not, why not).

If you want the very last book – ask me for it.

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Today Sabrina Morgan gets extra points. Not for her the get-sent-a-signed-book take-a-year-to-read-it path of some people whose names I recently gave to a guy in Chicago I only know as ‘The Cut’.

No she goes out, gets a copy of Dermaphoria – Craig’s second novel – with real American folding, reads it, reviews it and then does us all the service of frolicking with it naked.

I didn’t even have to ask her.

Sabrina dug the book which is great. I hope the people who’ve read it are beginning to realize this isn’t an exercise in dead-equine motivation. My boy (and I mean that in the B-Boy sense of the word because Craig’s not exactly a hip-hop maven and the idea of him bogy-popping amuses me) Clevenger can write and his books are a pleasure. You’ll like them.

Of course, like every other woman I know, Sabrina loved a certain sex-scene in Dermaphoria and I’m therefore pleased to know Craig’s book is getting him unrestricted access to a lot of NPR-hot lit-groupie back-meat (sorry about that – I’m still channeling ‘Snakes on a Plane’)

If a couple of you ask me for a copy of ‘The Contortionist’s Handbook‘ I can send the final shipment (that means Sabrina who’s been totally abused by me over this thus far). If you’ve got a Handbook and not emailed me to let me know what you think please do. If you’ve blogged it and like it, throw a link to Craig’s site or a bookseller you like – he’d dig that.

(NB: If you’re a Craig fan – a version of ‘The Handbook’ is being published on his site as a comic graphic novel. It’s pretty amazing (and the last comic I liked was ‘V for Vendetta’)

Did I tell you my new official ‘porn name’ is Snake Plane?

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Sex-blogging’s favorite novel has just been reviewed by the mighty BA of BadAss paddles. Believe me, when BA puts down his tools and picks up a book it’s time to quit your jibber-jabber. He pities the fool who interrupts his reading.

BA liked the book a lot. Craig’s a great writer. If I didn’t know him he’d still be a great writer, but I do and I’m trying to share it before the movie of his book comes out and I lose interest because he’s too mainstream.
I mailed 17 books about two weeks ago. If you’re a blogger and you’d like one of the last eight please let me know. (It’s not even eight – people keep emailing me for books. Just ask and ye shall receive one if I have any left.)

If you have received a copy and haven’t cracked the cover yet – c’mon… mail it back if you’re not going to read it. If you have read it and haven’t told me, please email. I’m keen to hear what you think good, bad or indifferent.

It’s a perverts reading group. (I bet if we start one they’ll make a movie. That’s too good a title to ignore…)

This free-book craziness is all happening because of Dermaphoria. It’s the follow-up to The Contortionist’s Handbook and it’s good.

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CRAIG
I was wondering if you were any closer to sending those copies of The Contortionist’s Handbook to bloggers?

SAM
Dude – I have been totally slack about this. I’m in Latvia, the books are at my place in LA and it’s all more complicated than it should be. Don’t worry, a friend of mine has been packing them up this weekend and they’re ready to go!

CRAIG
That’s great. Do you want me to write something for the site?

SAM
That would rock. Send me something.

CRAIG
How about this?

“Dear SugarBank Readers,
Sam, a close ‘guy-I-know’ of mine, has finally pulled his finger out of his ass far enough to use its moist end to seal a few padded envelopes. I’m pleased to announce you’re finally going to get your hands on a copy of my first book, The Contortionist’s Handbook, I’m just sorry I can’t do anything about the envelope it’s being mailed in smelling of poo. Just thinking about it is making me gag a little.
Sam tells me books are en-route to bloggers in:

• Aloha, OR 97007
• Auburn, AL 36830
• Aurora, IL 60505
• Birmingham, AL 35235
• Crystal Lake, IL 60014
• Grover Beach, CA 93433
• Kihei, HI 96753
• Mancelona, MI 49659
• Morgantown, Wv. 26501
• Normal, IL 61761
• Omaha, NE 68106
• Pearl City, HI 96782-2145
• Phoenix, AZ 85016
• Rockford, IL 61103
• Snellville, GA 30078
• St. Catharines, Ontario L2N 1W4

Which leave nine books to find homes for. Want one? Let same know where to send it.

My book’s a lot better written, edited and laid out than Sam’s blog so, if you enjoy this thrown-together shit, feel free to call me Shakespeare,

Sincerely,

Craig ‘My second novel Dermaphoria is currently available in hardback’ Clevenger.”

Is that the kind of thing you’re looking for?

SAM
That’s it?

CRAIG
I’m joking idiot.

SAM
I’M POSTING IT NOW! THAT IS FUCKING AWSOME!!!

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Craig Clevenger.

Earlier this week I mentioned a new (final) consignment of ‘The Contortionist’s Handbook‘ available to bloggers. The deal is this, ask me for it, get it free (signed by the author himself – in pen), and read it. Don’t give me any B.S. about being busy. You read it and then you send me an email so I can remove you from the list I keep of ‘Potential Nemesi.’

It’s Craig’s first novel and his second, Dermaphoria, is currently in hardback (If the ‘The Da Vinci Code’ was the best book you’ve read recently, yes, Santa’s real and he comes to your house every Christmas.)

To get a copy of ‘The Handbook’ (we call it that) I need your details (I don’t ship to DrDick@aol – ever). Send me a note with your name and shipping address. A great book will be on its way. If you’ve read either of Craig’s book’s already, let me know. Cool things might happen.

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Some thing’s are too long for me to digest and regurgitate here, and others so brilliant I could only make them worse in translation. Here follows a list of recent stuff like that, relevant to sex bloggers/site owners, with links so you can check them out for yourself.

• A Beginners Guide to SEO – Explodes some of the myths about Search Engine Optimization and provides information on how search engines ‘think’. Got a blog? Use this stuff to help the big engines find it.
• Flipping the Funnel – A guide to help turn customers, reader or fans into evangelists. Practical advice on (cash) free marketing, formatted so you can easily apply it. Got a blog? This explains how to use it.
• Sexual Averages – Facts to celebrate, or fear, which put the exaggerations on porn in perspective (and I’ll add that 12.5 inch John Holmes was actually ‘only’ ten.)
• The New Rules of PR – A guide to using press-releases to market directly to the public, cutting out the press entirely if you want. Got a blog? The summary on page 6 tells you how to use releases to help people find it.
• Dermaphoria – My friend Craig Clevenger’s second novel, another trip through horror, beauty and great writing. Got a blog? I’ll send you a free copy of his first novel, The Contortionist’s Handbook if you ask me.

There will be a quiz…

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I’m not drunk in that, “GET HELP!” way. I’m drunk in that, CubaN-MUSIC-on-the-stereo. Shit CAPSLOCKS IS ON! Who’s-making-me-a-drink? Way. Excellent.

My friend Craig – genius author and superior drinker has sent me a box of books, and I know a number of you havn’t recieved one yet. If you want one let me know. I’ve got to get to bed… more to follow.

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This post, and the next few, will make more sense when I tell you more about Internext, the Adult Entertainment Expo. It’s easy to drink a lot and then find yourself with a bunch of people you hardly know, talking about other people you know even less, in a stripclub.

It’s great.

While I sleep – enjoy this review of ‘The Contortionist’s Handbook’.

Another goody. If you’re a blogger and you haven’t yet read it let me know – I’ve got a few extra copies to share.

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The first blogger review of ‘The Contortionist’s Handbook’ has arrived and it’s good.

Off the Nightstand: The Contortionist’s Handbook

It’s the second review SugarBank’s responsible for, but Lumpesse, took it upon herself to get a copy of the book from the library and bypassed this experimental marketing effort entirely – hence the lack of mentions to this point (if you’re now thinking about Lumpesse taking it upon herself, I suggest you leave a comment on her blog.) I also happen to know Magdelena’s copy has been read and enjoyed.

I have another box of copies on their way from Craig, signed and ready to mail out. If you’re a blogger who wants a book tell me why you deserve one? I want to share them with bloggers who’ll read them and then share what they think, good or bad, in public (and they’re not free – this is costing Craig and me real money).

If you’re not a blogger and want a signed copy of “The Contortionist’s Handbook” or  “Dermaphoria”, place an order via one of the Amazon links below, and email me to let me know (that bit’s really important) – I’ll arrange for an autographed bookplate from Craig to be sent on as a gesture of thanks and it’ll save you waiting in the rain amongst sweaty nerds at the next book festival you attend (okay – I’ll admit it, I’ve been that sweaty nerd).

I’d love to send free books to everyone but even if I could, it’d severely limit Craig’s ability to eat, pay rent and buy me drinks. This experimant’s all about proving that porn-bloggers and readers have big brains to go along with their clearly active little ones. Do me proud.

Update: Magdelena’s review of The Contortionist’s Handbook

Buy “Dermaphoria”

Buy “The Contortionist’s Handbook”

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Today I shipped copies of ‘The Contortionist’s Handbook‘ to bloggers who’d requested them. They should arrive in about a week. Craig was kind enough to sign them – amazing given that a signed book normally requires both payment and a wait in line. You owe me so big…

I’m putting my kisses and candlestick’s idea to the test (and this free book is most definitely a candlestick). I figure that a few of those who love ‘The Handbook’ (which is what Craig calls it so let’s all be as cool as he is) will be inspired to pick up ‘Dermaphoria‘. For more on this experiment read my original ‘A Free Book for Every Blogger‘ post.

If I’m right, we can drive a surge in interest for the book, demonstrate that there are more ways to make money with a sexy website, than just taking ads for other sexy websites, and perhaps found a new type of bloggers bookclub – free, signed and with a direct line to writers.

I shipped the books first come, first served, and am expecting more copies to follow. If you’re in any of the following locales, you’re in luck, if not – your copy will be on its way soon I promise. I have shipped books to:

• Sheffield, AL
• Westmount, QC
• Louisville, KY
• Springfield, MO
• Waterloo, Ontario
• Walsall, UK
• St. Charles, MO
• Gothenburg, Sweden
• Windsor, CT
• Mtn Home AFB

If you’re a blogger who’d like to read ‘The Contortionist’s Handbook’ but who hasn’t spoken to me yet, email me to let me know where to send your free copy along with a link to your blog. I’ll fill as many requests as I can.

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Any bloggers waiting for a copy of Craig’s first book – the wait is almost over. I received a package today with the first batch of the good stuff. Due to greater than anticiapted demand another shipment is on its way and the offer’s closed for now. I’ll ship books in the order they were requested so the first should be in your mits in time for the Holiday. I’m looking forward to finding out what you think. Be sure to check Craig’s website for his reading schedule (if you’re in LA he’s got a date on December 3rd at Mystery Books).

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A few days ago I mentioned my friend, Craig Clevenger’s, new book and encouraged you to seek it out. A few trusting souls did, and today I received my first email from someone who’d found the book via this blog. One new reader – job done.

My wheels have been turning. In years of meetings with ‘mainstream’ companies, the recurring theme has been a desire to reach an audience of people interested in sex, dissuaded by fears of reprisal (“Sugar – how dare you suggest people who buy SUV’s/live in Washington/go to movies visit pornographic websites!”) It would be a good thing for the general acceptance of sexuality, and the bottom line of websites like this, if sex wasn’t assumed to be of interest only to idiots, perverts and weirdoes.

So why don’t we prove that assumption wrong?

(NB: I am an idiot, weirdo-pervert, but can’t be held up as an example of normality.)

If you run a blog on any topic, and it’s been going a couple of months, email me your URL, name, and address, and I’ll send you a free copy of Craig’s first book ‘The Contortionists Handbook’. You don’t have to promise to write about it or, if you do, say anything other than what you feel. I think the quality of his writing will speak for itself. I just want you to read the book.

Hardback copies of Craig’s new book Dermaphoria are expensive, so I’ll share any I can scrounge with bloggers who love ‘The Contortionists Handbook‘, and ask Craig to sign copies bought by bloggers who I can’t get a freebie for.

If I’m right in my thinking, I can add a few bloggers to the unofficial ‘Craig Clevenger Fanclub’ and, while my endorsement doesn’t mean much, the endorsement of a group of us might. We could help win Craig a seat on the Amazon bestseller list and change the pre-conceptions of the entire publishing industry. We might just find something cool to share with our readers. It’s all worthwhile because you can’t keep good down.

I’m sorry we can’t afford send free books to non-bloggers but, if there’s sufficient demand for copies, I’ll arrange a bulk purchase and get Craig to sign them. (I’ll ask about this again when there are more bloggers on-board and we can make the same offer to all our readers simultaneously.)

I’m doing the legwork on this for free and the books are being funded by Craig himself. My reward is helping one friend get noticed and helping many friends with something good to read and a little potential blog fodder.

Craig can be our guy so, when the movie of his first book comes out, you’ll be able to casually refer to him as ‘…a guy I know,’ like I do. (Actually don’t do that, dropping names will make you sound like a wanker – trust me, people tell me all the time.)

Can a few free paperbacks change the way the publishing industry (and the mainstream media) thinks about people who read sex-blogs? Can a great writer compete with the traditional marketing establishment thanks to the aid of a few enthusiastic bloggers? Will you think the sex scene in Dermaphoria is as hot and edgy as the gorgeous woman I was discussing the book with yesterday? Let’s find out…

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Dermaphoria by Craig Clevenger.

(The following post is not porn-related, normal service will be resumed shortly)

I’m a lucky guy. I have a body women fight over, a car people try to buy from me when I stop at the coffee-shop, and a blog which is read than more people than I know (the crucial measure of blogging success.)

I also have a number of very talented friends, among them Craig Clevenger, the guy in my circle I’ll curse at when I’m in my seventies, and the movie of his life comes on my full-imersion, holographic TV for the third time in a week. We’ve all got one.

His new book, ‘Dermaphoria‘, is just out and once read, will become your default gift-choice for the next twelve months (Craig’s first book ‘The Contortionist’s Handbook‘ has filled that role for me since 2002.) Craig’s fans include Chuck ‘Fight Club‘ Palahniuk, Irvine ‘Trainspotting‘ Welsh and the team who put together the movie ‘Donnie Darko’. If you read ‘The Time Traveler’s Wife‘, Craig’s published by the same people. In a nutshell, he’s a shockingly talented writer.

I haven’t read Dermaphoria yet, but Publishers Weekly describe it as “…a sometimes brilliant, heavily stylized novel whose psychedelic prose and labyrinthine story line will enthrall some readers and enrage others.” That’s the perfect review, literature that doesn’t upset anyone is principally published by Hallmark.

Here’s what it says on the back:

“Eric Ashworth awakens in jail, unable to remember how he got there or why. All he does remember is a woman’s name: Desiree.

Bailed out and holed up in a low rent motel, Eric finds the solution to his amnesia in a strange new hallucinogen. By synthesizing the sense of touch, the drug produces a disjointed series of sensations that slowly allow Eric to remember his former life as a clandestine chemist. With steadily increasing doses, Eric reassembles his past at the expense of his grip on the present, and his distinction between truth and fantasy crumbles as his paranoia grows in tandem with his tolerance.”

You want to read it now damnit.

Links to his books at Amazon are below. There’s no affiliate payment stuff going on, I’m just happy to turn you on to a book you’ll love and Craig’s a friend. I know you’ll thank me when you’ve read them.

• Dermaphoria – Craig Clevenger (not about skincare)
• The Contortionists Handbook – Craig Clevenger (not about the circus)

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