Most bad porn can be blamed on pimples, cheap photographic equipment and talentless talent. It’s boring. Bad porn produced to draw the attention of porn consumers with the emotional sensitivity of Pol Pot and put together with production values Ed Wood would question isn’t boring at all though.
The acme of good-bad porn is the thumbnail gallery (here’s a good one). No porn surfer’s harder to get a click out of than someone who’s just jacked off to “2 Girls 1 Cup”. It’s a problem that’s lead thumbnail gallery owners to Photoshop and special effects. The resulting ‘fantasy material’ is folk-art for wankers (like all of it actually).
I thought it was time to recognize it with a few awards.
The ‘Old Faithful’ Award for Simulated Female Ejaculation
Nominees:
1.
…because Cytheria, the ‘queen’ of squirting, was standing up seconds before this photo was taken.
2.
…for volume, and because the guy who put the hose in is still in shot.
3.
…because it’s the almost impossible “bluetooth” simultaneous orgasm (i.e. hands-free) and because I’m really glad that’s not my bedlinen.
And the winner is…
…for defying both reason and gravity. This woman might have Ed Harris in her vagina and be about to contact an advanced alien civilization.
The B.B.C. Award for PhotoShopped Cock
Nominees:
1.
…because I thought the one on top was an arm. Seriously.
2.
…because either she’s bitten off the end and swallowed it (hence the surprised look?) Or the artist incolved forgot to draw a lump in her cheek.
3.
…because he’s obviously wondering where his balls have gone.
And the winner is…
…because if you weren’t scared of prison before, you are now. I really hope that’s PhotoShop.
…and finally.
The ‘Britney Spears’ Award for Things that are Supposed to be Sexy but Aren’t
Nominees:
1.
…because the question isn’t “Paper, plastic or vagina?”
2.
…because this is no different than walking in on your parents except that if you did you’d hope your dad had a bigger dick.
3.
…because I think this guy just invented ‘cum-boarding’ and I like the elegant juxtaposition of fake cock, fake cum and genuine horror pictured.
And the winner is…
…because if that’s not brown lubricant I’d suggest he put both rubber gloves on his dick.
If you didn’t think that was very amusing just be glad it was still cheaper, quicker and funnier than the AVNs
I’m thoroughly disturbed and entertained. My question is (and has been since I first saw it): Who gets off on ‘Shopped penii and water gushing out of vaginas? Not to mention that fake dick/fake cumshot crap. Sure, it takes all kinds (the internet is constant proof of that), but to be able to make actual money off of it is just bizarre.
Chris - I can explain. TGP’s survive by trading traffic. That means sending people from site-to-site. When it’s reciprocated both parties win. The hard way to do it involves linking to pieces of content. The hard way involves getting a user to click - on anything, doesn’t matter - and then re-directing them wherever you want them to go. Thumbs like this work well in the latter category for their sheer ‘WTF?’ value.
Questions… questions… Bueller!
I agree with “getting a user to click,” but there are websites dedicated to this craziness. A few years ago, I was a member of the site circle that would become “Reality Kings,” and they had a site that was full of those goofy P’shops of large elephant penii “violating” nice, normal girls (haha). Why anyone would pay for that is just beyond me, and I’m wondering how many paying members that particular site brought in.