To UK readers FHM championship of women is a witty play on football (soccer) which uses models as avatars for teams and then sets them against in ‘matches’ determined by surfer votes.

For the rest of us it’s best described as video clips of photo-shoots featuring glamour models in little sports outfits. FHM has a site dedicated to the rules and regulations of the Championship, or if you (wisely) just want to ogle a few “spent more time in the gym than the library” type young women, YouTube has everything minus the ‘brilliant concept’.

Link

“Pirate Hooker Baby” courtesy of Hottest Girls of MySpace

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them.

This Week’s Picks
The Manifesto of the Cuntcentric Hedonist
“I’m not being selfish, I’m being altruistic when I open my legs and offer my body up.”

No reservations, part 4
“By this time, said balls felt twice their normal size and very full.”

Sex Work And Religion: The Violent Priest
“We were to seduce one of the young ladies in the church’s choir.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
JBS Underwear

Editor’s Choice
The Top 10 Reasons to avoid “Pregnancy & Sex” bulletin boards

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Annie Stoner looking real fake

Fleshbout recently drew my attention to Annie Stoner, a musician/model who posts nudes to Flickr. However, I sense a tiny problem. Almost every picture of the Ms. Stoner appears to be a rather inexpert photochop.

It could be an over-zealous smoothing of imperfections, and there are a couple of images which seem plausible but is anyone buying this stuff? Who’s taking these suspiciously professional glamour shots in a variety of locations, and is there always a shadow delineating her jawbone/cameltoe (which, I’d advise other fakers, is a step to far.) Unless she’s taking these very well produced shots with a phone she bought in 1999, why are the maximum image sizes so small. 407 pixels across suggests an image downloaded from the web, not a camera.

Not very plausible really…

Ms. Stoner, or her defenders, feel free to educate me. Photochopping mavens, feel free to prove me right. In the absence of feedback I’d say over 50% 75% of her work is computer enhanced wishful thinking. Hold back on that fan mail, you’re probably writing to a dude with a Wacom tablet in an Everquest T-Shirt.

With a product named like a horror movie and a business model based on humiliation and control there’s some irony involved in the ‘could it be real?’ porn dissuader Covenant Eyes.

The idea is that by installing their spyware, your visits to adult sites are logged and sent to you boss/relative/co-workers who can then judge you, visit the porn you worked so hard to find and/or report you to the authorities.

The product comes with strong religious overtones because as we all know, religious people are the least likely to enjoy porn and the most likely to be involved in the systematic sexual abuse of children. Yeah, I feel totally comfortable being judged by them and I spread my legs wide when in bathroom stalls because it helps me ease my pants down. Hey, is that a unicorn!

Link

(thanks Craig)

Belle du Jour the original anonymous prostiblogger, is still a better writer than her imitators and has managed to keep her/his/its identity secret since 2003. Thanks to the quality of her writing, and universal appeal of twilight shots of women in lingerie, the book of her blog has now become a TV show “The Secret Diary of a Call Girl” - the first dramatic blog to boobtube transition I’m aware of (correct me if I’m wrong?)

Showing in the UK this week, and on the internet a minute after the titles roll, the show stars Billie Piper who’s famous for marrying a much older man at 17 and becoming a geek lust-object playing Dr. Who’s assistant a couple of years back. She’s a good choice having the odd paedo-cachet of any woman who was famous before she was legal, and Piper’s believably average looking. I doubt the real Belle’s a great beauty.

The producers say the show’s not going to ‘glorify’ the world of sex for cash (which is legal in the UK though it’s hard to be a prostitute legally for reasons of hipocrisy) and will probably manage to avoid nudity, bad language and scenes involving baby wipes and cum.

While you wait for the torrents, New York magazine has a grittier, less shiny, take on the game ‘The $2,000 an-Hour Woman‘ and ITV has posted an online preview along with some fully-clothed supplemental material.

Nerve, the sex site which isn’t, is offering proles like us a limited opportunity to explore the content they’d like us to pay for. Sure you can get all this for free if you dig/torrent hard enough but let’s face it, wankers are lazy (hence the phrase ‘lazy wanker’) and this is easy.

Artists whose work is on display range for talentless hacks (it’s just an opinion) like Brigham Field, through geniuses…es like Bob Coulter. Sarah Thomas, Michael Sloane, Erin Frost, George Pitts, Isaac White and Raul Hofer Torres are also included.

Oil up.

Iris Bahr

I discovered Iris Bahr though her alter-ego, famed Russian prostitute/entertainment reporter Svetlana Maksomvisoealyaah.

Svetlana, whose client list stretches from Tony Blair to Matthew McConaughey, is a creation who, as someone who’s lived in the ex-USSR can attest, could only be the creation of someone who’s befriended a lot of “Natasha’s” or put on a rabbit-skin hat and had sex for money. The podcast is available via iTunes and it’s as funny as you’ve ever imagined jokes predicated on being a Russian sex-worker could be. She spoons with General Patreus, advises Angelina to keep food in her teeth so we can all feel better about how we look, and tries to coax an erection out of Anderson Cooper between movie reviews.

Iris’s new memoir, “Dork Whore“, tells the tale of her travels through Asia aged 20 trying to get laid and pretending to be a virgin. Presumably before she appeared in Star Trek Voyager (dork) or started researching Svetlana (whore). I’ve not yet read it but doubt she’ll be less funny on the page than she is doing four minute bits for NPR (thank you - short podcasts rock).

Hipster scum - and you know who you are - start quoting Svetlana before she get’s a show and you can only secretly enjoy her while listening to ‘The Postal Service’ on an HP iPod in a Starbucks no one you know might walk past.

Everyone else tell me how brilliant I am when Fran Drescher makes a guest appearance as Svetlana’s booker/producer in the first season of her inevitable TV show.

P.S. Iris, if you’re reading this I’d love to help you build a proper website, Earthlink, c’mon…

Photo courtesy of Map Girls.

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them.

This Week’s Picks
Anal, her perspective
“This entire anal sex episode had started some months earlier, on a theoretical level.”

When the Muse Wants to Fuck
“Participles, linking verbs, superlative adjectives… You want more?”

Chef
“He’s already at work, but he’s left an order behind on the scraps of ordering paper that we have all over the house.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
The Secret Diary of a Callgirl

Editor’s Choice
Whipped on this day: 1791

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

The best thing about this license plate is that it’s real, as a brief trip to California’s registration database will show. Guess that someone really likes noodles…

(via Jalopnik)

‘Love Grenade’ UK cover.

Album covers featuring topless women in afros are the sole topic of a number of online shrines but it’s more unusual to find current examples of audiological sexism sexiness. Still not unusual enough to be blogged until on my weekly trek to Sister Ray (London’s best record shop - go there) I noted a theme.

The cover of Andrew Wetherall’s latest compilation, which features a hog-tied woman being messed with by an alien/amoeba/snot-ball (shown above), is echoed by Ted Nugent - who regardless of your stance on hunting or hard-rock we can agree is a dick - whose latest sonic-turd ‘Love Grenade’ comes with a cover in the UK showing a woman ‘Pret a Manger’.

While Googling for pics I discovered the ‘Motor City Madman’ hasn’t the balls to release the sex-cannibalism cover in the US and has gone with this, which could be the soundtrack of a straight-to-cable sequel to Attonement.

‘Love Grenade’ US cover.

‘Love Grenade’ pre-order cover.

While playing to his well earned ‘I hate people who aren’t me’ image, and assuage any chance this cover carousel has nothing to do with Nugent and is purely marketing driven, he released another version to fans brave enough to pre-order his CD. It’s clearly the inspiration for the UK version and suggests he may have been browsing Muki’s Kitchen between whacks.

I’m more of a Bad Brains, Husker Du man myself…