…an actress in Johansen’s position gets better offers than Jenna’s from guys in bars…
My on-off love/hate/indifference affair with Jenna Jameson is on the upswing thanks to her talent for making the news regarding items which are clearly fictional. The odds on Scarlett Johansen playing her in a movie, which any second-grader could fact-check after watching a single episode of Entourage, are zero.
Putting aside that actresses in Johansen’s position get better offers than Jenna’s from guys in bars, the idea of the movie is ridiculous. What was the last successful biopic about a living celebrity under 40? Even with major studio support Jenna’s need to be portrayed in a favorable light will mean the end result is slightly less believable than her chest. If she want’s to make the porno equivalent of Rocky it’ll be more believable if it’s not supposed to feature someone so many people know so much about.
Further proof of her likely delusion comes In a recent interview in which Jenna accuses the best porn film ever, Boogie Nights, of being unrealistic. I can only suspect she hasn’t read her own biography. What does Jenna who started young, is much feted, was drug addicted, and is unable to hold-down a relationship not believe about the story of Dirk “John Holmes” Diggler who started young, was drug addicted and proved unable to hold-down a relationship? Jenna’s clever but surely not stupid enough to think she can unwrite a history that so many people are part of and much of which is recorded?
I think she should acknowledge her iconhood be re-recording a version of ‘The Touch’ with a nicely done aircore video in time for ‘Transformers 2′.
Inflatable sex-dolls are a sexual urban myth. On sale in every sticky-floored emporium on earth, no one will you’d let babysit will admit to buying one. Even the curious suspect humping one would feel like making love to a balloon, an impression which is only confirmed if you’ve seen one inflated.
“Dolly” a wearable rubber doll catsuit by Liq-Laq gets round the realism problem by putting real working vagina where the balloon-opening normally goes, or beans and a frank if you buy the version aimed at men. It’s a fully enclosed wearable sex-doll outfit whose superficial lack of realism vaults it from fetishwear to art-piece in a single bound. It’s the kind of thing Jeff Koons would charge you money to see on display, making the £350 (~$700) asking price a bargain.
This will probably become a porn-movie staple in pretty short order so before that happens I’m going to jokingly try and convince one of the ladies in my life this’ll be an excellent Halloween outfit so I can jokingly hammer at her in it afterwards.
NB: If you’re cheaper, or want to up the freak-out value by paring this with an outfit which won’t require a full-body talc application to get into, they also sell rape-my-mouth “surprised” doll-heads alone for £90 (~$180).
If the Franklin Mint’s ongoing refusal to knock out a set of ‘Porn Pioneers’ plates - which could start with Nina Hartley and Dave Cummings posed as American Gothic - frustrates you, Neal Mather has come to the rescue. Along with the ‘Julie Strain in a metal Bikini’ fantasy art we all know and love, Iconia also produce figures posed with working clocks (that’s ‘clocks’ with an ‘l’) which each come with a pervert approved backstory:
The cute and blushing maid appears with a tray of delights including a dildo, ball gag and spanking paddle. A spilt cup sits atop the bedroom cabinet and a smashed plate is on the floor. Was it the clumsy Maid or the startled Master? Who’s doing what to whom, and with what? You decide!
Remember to list as ‘art collectibles’ on your household insurance, not ‘porn stash’.
It all looks shot by the same guy who did ‘Original Sin‘. Wind machines, flowing drapes and everyone in white clothing like a ‘to my dead homies’ rap video.
The Wikipedia entry for German poptrance duo Blank & Jones states:
“Seven artist albums and 15 hit singles. That says it all. Piet Blank and Jaspa Jones have been hugely important in the history of electronic music.”
Which just goes to show that an encyclopedia written by the mob can’t be trusted. Wikipedia - for all my reliance on it - drives me nuts. Facts decided by consensus or the geek with the highest access level. Can you imagine universities run on the same principle? There’d be no quantum theory in the Physics course because after a brief discussion “We all think that shit sounds ridiculous” would take precedence over the the work of Max Planck (which is an excellent porn name by the way).
What was I talking about?
Oh yeah, music. Perfect Silence is a Blank & Jones track which comes with two aircore videos. The first, subtitled ‘The Night Version’ gets interesting 27 seconds in when the first nipple appears and then cuts between a ghostly woman lipsyncing, Blank and Jones twiddling knobs and a naked couple fucking on a bed. It would be better with less Blank & Jones and the lipsyncing removed. Then as just three minutes of a couple fucking on a bed it would get my highest rating. It looks as if it was shot by the same guy who did ‘Original Sin‘. Wind machines, flowing drapes and everyone in white clothing like a ‘to my dead homies’ rap video. So cheesy there should be blue streaks running through some of it.
The second, “Uncensored”, version of the video trades the band, the bed and the pale chick singing for a blonde stripper in chrome platforms who takes until 2m 19s to bring the nipple but who then is kind enough not to put her top back on. This would get my highest rating if the music had been replaced by the sound of the director shouting at her to rub her tits in German. “Donner und blitzen rubben ze nip!!” I don’t know how long this lady’s been stripping but her floor work needs help. You should never be bored watching a naked woman writhe.
Despite all boys being told it’s wrong to treat nipples like the control surface of a shortwave radio, UK department store giant Marks & Spencers has just unveiled a bikini with iPod controls in the cups.
I await a pair of trunks I can “shuffle” each time I rearrange my junk.
Fashion is never more appealing than when embodied by half naked women in heels, which makes Cosmopolitan’s “famous” Lingerie Fashion Show very appealing indeed. Unlikely to sell much underwear to any women who doesn’t look like a lingerie model, lingerie catwalk shows seem designed solely to arouse photographers, legitimize the sexualization of teenage girls and provide blog meat for those in need of a traffic spike.
You’re welcome.
This is extra dirty if you imagine all the white models have racist pro-apartheid fathers and are grudge-fucking you in order to piss him off. At least that’s their plan until your impassioned post coital monologues on freedom and equality make it impossible for them not to fall in love, making a showdown with the man she still calls ‘Papa’ impossible to avoid… (to be continued.)
…taking a doll to watch you hang-glide? Shooting a doll modeling? It’s all so ‘Buffalo Bill’…
This documentary taught me that RealDolls, $6,499 sex manikins with silicone skin, replaceable tongues and realistically molded pussies, aren’t a joke to the men who love them.
While watching my thoughts flipped between worrying about how close these guys are to understanding the charms of necrophilia, and knowing that in the future when we’re all banging virtual partners with internet connections and rudimentary intelligence - these guys will be seen as pioneers.
I understand elaborate forms of masturbation but taking a doll to watch you hang-glide? Shooting a doll modeling? It’s all so ‘Buffalo Bill‘…
Many of you will, like me, favor cock push-ups as the best way of keeping your dame-drill in shape. Lying face-down on the floor and then lifting your entire body into the air with the raw force of your erection is simple, requires no additional equipment, and is a move you can also use while breakdancing.
If that’s techniques too advanced, or as I did once, you live somewhere low ceilings make cock push-ups impossible, this device might be what you need. It does nothing you couldn’t by putting a rubber-band round your member, or duct-taping marbles to it, but those can’t be patented and this can. Deservedly not available in any stores anywhere. (Link)
Seth Finkelstein "Well, I can’t prove a negative, but it’s hard to see the trademark dispute being treated as any sort of secret or private matter. If it were the cause, Xeni Jardin could just...…" on Violet Blue [more]
B&K "The author, real name Wendi Sullivan, did not warn the actress, it appears, but did brag to friends that she was going to do this. Wendi has pro-bono legal representation, and the actress could not...…" on Violet Blue [more]
Tom B "I would have thought that if it was the full reason Boing Boing took the action they did they’d be public about it as their stance on copyright/etc. seems to be their rallying call. Oh well....…" on Violet Blue [more]
Seth Finkelstein "While for a while I thought the trademark case might indeed be the reason, it doesn’t hold up on further investigation. The “unpublishing” ; took place late July? August?...…" on Violet Blue [more]
rich "I’m confused - why wouldn’t the dissimilar industry clause kick in and allow one Violet Blue who was a writer and another who was a sex performer?…" on Violet Blue [more]
