Rewriting Fleshbot’s Tagline

I love Fleshbot and though I couldn’t do what they so (I’ve tried and it’s harder than it looks), but I can write copy. (When I’ve been paid to pay attention, which I haven’t regarding any error-ridden, run-on rubbish you might find here. My standards are so good I’ve got two of them.)

As an ex-copywriter I’m pretty attentive to the style of what I read, so it’s with some surprise I found myself only noticing Fleshbot’s horrendous tagline earlier today.

“Fleshbot is a frequently updated and influential web magazine about the pornography–and the sex culture–that digital technology and distribution has made possible.”

Jesus.

Where to begin? Assuming they like what their copy says, there are a grip of easy improvements.

Firstly who’s grandmother did the typing? Using double-dashes to simulate em dashes is a hack invented in the days of monospaced typewriters. It’s not been relevant to computers for twenty years and looks retarded. It’s one of the problems caused by the fondness American schools have for teaching typing (we don’t in Europe). The outmoded ludicrous people doing the teaching pass on their outmoded, and nowdays ludicrous, habits and pollute the world with people who think they’re still supposed to put two spaces after a period as if it were 1950. In a business letter the double dashes would only be annoying and weird, in a tagline they can’t be excused.

Onto grammar. Though it makes sense - barely - if read twice, on first reading ‘…an influential web magazine about the pornography…’ sounds like something Borat would say. Also, when was the last time anyone, or thing, influential had to label themselves so grandiosely? The influential President of the United States? The influential CEO of Microsoft? It’s embarrassing.

I could argue the term ‘web magazine’ is a bloated $20 way of saying blog, but could just as easily point out how many people still don’t know what a blog is. I’d win this argument with myself by explaining that Fleshbot readers are likely to know what blogs are given their age, web use and fondness for RSS, but I’m tired and not getting paid for this so fuck arguing with myself. I know I’m going to win regardless.

Finally, listing both digital technology and distribution reads like another attempt to sound impressive which isn’t required. Digital distribution technology is… er… technology and taglines should be tight. The point’s well made without mentioning distribution and no one’s going to be surprised by the website’s digital focus.

Our newly beaten into shape tagline reads:

“Fleshbot is a frequently updated web magazine about pornography and the sex culture digital technology has made possible.”

A clear improvement (Gawker dudes, you’re welcome).

Fleshbot’s just about the biggest sex-blog online. Let’s not have our champions embarrass us.