5 Ways to Keep Your Blog Off Digg

SugarBank’s the proud member of an elite cadre of blogs which has never made the front page of Digg.

It might sound silly, but in which only 123 blogs have more than one reader and aren’t just lists of links to other blogs, being able to write articles picked up by Wired and BoingBoing without getting Dugg is some feat. Even the recent addition of ‘Share This’ links at the bottom of my posts hasn’t broken my perfect record of unwanted isolation.

This isn’t bad luck, it’s skill.

I’m not bothered because I ride alone know why. If you want to join the un-Diggable club the following secrets of my success will help. If you’d rather get popular (how gauche…) doing the opposite might bring you the attention you crave.

Post Naughty Pictures
This is the easiest way to keep the diggs down. Any hint of sexuality seems to expose a common prejudice which equates sexy with stupid. People are so afraid of being associated with adult material they’re reluctant even to vote for it.

Additionally, as sexy images make a page not-safe-for-work, posting them greatly reduces the chances of click-through from sites who label you as such.

Swear
Fucking silly if you ask me, but writing like Hemmingway (is my ego showing?) isn’t seen as a plus among the geeks who control the internet. Confusingly ejaculations of ‘fudge!’ and ‘$#!@!’ don’t seem to bother people old enough to read though such childish obfuscation.

Advertise
Plastering a blog with ads can make it look tacky, but the real turn-off for social networkers is a too clearly expressed interest in making money. Successful Digg exploiters often place ads on their pages only after they’ve caught the public’s imagination. This doesn’t seem to hurt because sneakiness is rewarded.

Write Original Copy
Writing original copy will not get you noticed. Web users respond to words the same way online as they do off and, despite vocally decrying all forms of spam, spamy sounding copy of the “10 ways to…!”, “Secrets of successful…!” and “What they never told you about…!” ilk is precisely what most people notice and share.

A fantastic article capped by a title better suited to The New Yorker than Skymall won’t get seen. A generic list of truisms headed “10 Hidden Daily Show Futurama References” will earn you the cock-snot crown in fanboy heaven.

Challenge Convention
Diggers love controversial content but strong opinions polarize, effectively halving the number of people who will vote for you. If you want to say something bold it’s best to find someone else who’s said it already and link to them. Then you become the hub of the debate, not the representative of one side of it.

Just in case you’re thinking you can call my bluff and get this dugg, here’s a link to some rather lovely midget porn (I can’t lie, I’d hit all 3′10″ and 78 lbs of Bridget) which should guarantee I maintain my unbroken streak. Don’t pretend you’re not going to click it, midget dwarf pixie munchkin goblin small person army men midget porn’s universal.