Angelina Jolie’s Real Marvelous Breasts

This isn’t about to become a boob-log (okay, it might) but it is relevant, when discussing breast augmentation and other body mods (and implants are a body modification, just like splitting your tongue), to know the difference between real and fake.

A lot of people think Angelina Jolie has a big, plump, possibly plastic, pair of milkers. By the end of this post you’ll know she doesn’t and be able to amaze friends at dinner parties.

Make no mistake, I’d skin my parents and turn their hides into luggage if I thought it’d get me into to Angie’s tattooed peach-fish. She’s stunning. Even covered in body-art tributes to penis that isn’t mine and with a flock of Technicolor orphans in tow. I like her. A lot. In a pretty basic way.

Clockwise from top left, ‘Mr. & Mrs. Smith’, ‘Original Sin’, ‘Gia’ and ‘Fuck me I married a corpse’.

Please note that, though not flat chested, Ms. Jolie’s dugs have the heft and droop of natural breasts which have spent many hours unsupported.

The question of their naturalness is answered and betrayed by the ‘pancake effect’, the way her ‘happy taps’ disappear when she’s on her back. While natural breasts roll off to the side of a woman’s chest, falsies move up towards their owners shoulders. Angelina’s fall sideways and I put it to you, those tits are not saline.

In support of my first opinion I offer you Gia, her first big role (lower left hand corner), where we can see her ‘opinions’ have already been affected by gravity and droop when unsupported. Evidence she’s done nothing to change this ‘national geographic’ look is evident in the first frame, taken a decade later from ‘Mr. & Mrs. Smith’, where her jubblies compressibility (or fun-i-ness) is demonstrated by the way they submit to her corset. Were they ‘Transformers’, of silicone or saline, she would be forced to lace her corset less tightly, and if she did not, the hard line marking the edge of an implant would be visible under pressure.

Ladies and gentleman – there is no way this ladies breasts can be anything but flesh and blood and with that I end my presentation. I also suggest these same anylitic techniques can be used to determine the realness of any onscreen ‘bouncers’ you happen across. Questions?

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