A few days ago a friend of mine was telling me about his new girlfriend, a sexual athlete who’s given him what he’s always wanted and is now scaring the crap out of him.
“She licked my asshole like it was a tootsie-pop,” he said.
“Okay,” I replied.
“Then she stuck her finger up it.”
“Alright. I hope you wiped properly.”
“Yeah, she’d licked it the last time we got together so I made extra sure.”
“Wise.”
“Then she tried to stick another finger up there.”
“Dude, you were about to get fucked.”
“I know. I told her we should move on.”
“Did you kick in her backdoor? I think she would have dug it.”
“No. I kept it pretty English.”
Then he got to the good bit. Apparently this girl ejaculates. Buckets. He said when they did it standing up he almost fell over.
“I don’t care what you say Sam. It’s not pee. That shit’s slippery and I swear there was about half a litre.”
“It’s not pee as we know it but it’s coming out of her bladder. If she was catheterized and she came I guarantee she’d fill the bag every time.”
“I don’t believe you. It happened even when she’d been to the bathroom just before.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’ve read it’s fluid that doesn’t normally get expelled, like the air in the bottom of your lungs. That’s why it doesn’t look like pee and why it’s got less urea in it. Call it bladder-water if you like.”
“Whatever you say. Anyway she doesn’t do it anymore. She found it embarrassing and went to see the doctor.”
“And?”
“He gave her exercises to do and it stopped.”
Wow. While some argue ejaculation is the ultimate indicator of female pleasure (a wholly suspect concept, would anyone claim women who scream have better sex than those who don’t?) in the UK some doctors are telling women who ‘ejaculate’ that stronger kegels are the answer and it appears to work.
What I really want to know is will their ever be a porn movie called ‘Orgasmic Incontinence?’
Post over. Please feel free to go mental in the comments.
PS. I know ‘kick in her backdoor’ is a violent and nasty metaphor – that’s why it’s funny to watch people’s eyebrows when I say it.
PPS. Anyway, my foot won’t fit, I’ve tried it.
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An acquaintance of mine says “kick ‘em in the taco” – that sounds oddly more pleasant that “kick her in her backdoor,” mostly because “taco” is a funny word. No, I wouldn’t go doing it – it’s all about the Vulcan nerve pinch – but it’s still funny.
Haha… “taco”
Chris – Taco. Ha, ha. Dude, like a brown taco. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
And she wanted this to stop why? Sounds like they were enjoying it.
My ex squirted at times. It took a routine involving half the power grid in “accoutrements”, lots of oral work, and the old thumb up the ass thing, but it was worth it because it lit her up like a pinball machine in a truck stop at 2 in the morning.
Funny about the kegels though. She was so bloody tight that if she practiced kegels you couldn’t even get a finger in. No crap.
I never believed in this female ejaculation thing until the first time she did it. It’s real, and it it isn’t pee though it may be from the bladder. Kind of bothers me when those chicks on the net hose down the gas station concrete with it though. I don’t see any evidence of an orgasm, and I suspect that they force feed them quarts of malt liquor beforehand.
Ejaculation is separate from orgasms. They very often occur together for males, but they need not. It is the same with females. Though I am not fond of the term ejaculation in females. I prefer surge.
Aurelius – I once dated a girl who had really flabby thighs and a tiny, tight vagina – turns out she slept on her stomach. No one’s that tight. Are you sure she was consenting?
Seska – I agree the term’s contensious. What’s your theory? I think males do ejaculate when they cum but it’s possible to force ‘retrograde’ ejaculation and prevent anything from emerging (we’ve all done it). I’m not sure it’s possible to orgasm and prevent the bodies attempt to ejaculate though – would that even be an orgasm? I’m assuming to orgasm is to have those muscle spasms with go along with throwing yoghurt. Am I wrong?
I see what you are saying. That is what I have read as well. That a male has the involuntary contractions of the prostate gland, vas deferens and seminal vesicles, but using internal and/or external squeezing techniques can stop ejaculation. I also have read (and seen) men have an orgasm without ejaculation who were not using these techniques. Obviously, this can happen when the well is dry, but also when a proper load was expected. I think that perhaps the mechanism sometimes does not work as it is intended to.
As for “female ejaculation” I am not surprised that kegels would help control the expulsion of liquid.
I’ve never known a more consenting woman, Sam. She was 4′9″ tall, 85 pounds soaking wet. Picture the 80’s porn star Flame 4 inches shorter and you’ve got a pretty accurate picture, right down to the sexual proclivities.
She was sexually abused by Daddy dearest the evangelical and raped by her band camp boyfriend at 16. Ever hear of vaginitis? It took 6 months of foreplay before we could have sex the first time. Even after this she could bend iron bars with her vaginal muscles.
I understand explosive emptying of bladder contents during orgasm. I don’t understand why any woman would want to stop given the fascination shown by most guys I know, and I’m not sure that kegels would help, at least not in all cases. If the woman suffered from incontinence, that would certainly be improved by the exercises.
Muscle contractions are part of orgasm in both sexes. There are all sorts of things that can go wrong with men which lead to orgasm without ejaculation, but they’re all things like tubes inside the equipment breaking or not meeting. Women’s anatomy is different, the urethrea (sp? I don’t have a dictionary handy) does only one job, and that’s to carry liquid from the bladder to the outside. If it’s coming from the urethrea it’s coming from the bladder because there is no other possibility. Kegels, by improving the control of the muscles preventing urination, would tend to stop the bladder from emptying during orgasm. But, at least in some cases, bladder control just isn’t an issue, and yet the women still “squirt”.
When I see a woman ejecting a quart of liquid, especially with no visible signs of sexual arousal or pleasure, I know one of two things is happening. It’s either a douche, or the photographer has provided a case of Schlitz Bulls and waited an hour.
Seska – Got it. I can’t personally imagine an orgasm without muscle contractions. It sounds like laughing with your mouth shut. Not something I’m going to work on personally…
Aurelius – I’m really going to have to see a squirter up-close one day in order to get a better sense of things (and find a candidate for the catheter experiment). I suspect that anyone who did show the mechanism would still be accused of ignoring the ‘real’ squirters in much the same way as UFO people always claim UFO’s you can explain aren’t the real aliens they’re talking about. This’ll run and run…
I’m sure you’re right Sam. The first version of my last post made exactly the same point using the UFO analogy. I changed it quite a bit before I posted it.
Take a close look when you get the chance. It’s worth seeing. As I said, I was thoroughly sceptical before I met my ex. A catheter most likely wouldn’t work (could you have an orgasm with a catheter in your works?).
I close my comments to this post by saying, as always, that I can speak only from my own expereience and from the lab results I’ve seen. If you have other ideas enjoy them. You’ll change my mind when I see it for myself or see it verified in a lab, and I’ll change yours on the twelth of never.
I’m still giggly over “kick in her backdoor” oh man…
except, if I think about it too hard it makes my bum hurt. ^_~
Sammy I can’t believe I didn’t spot this post sooner!
You’ve read my stuff on ejaculation right? I’ve done a bit of research on the topic -> http://lovinblg.blogspot.com/2006/06/theres-vas-deferens-between-men-and.html
Did he made a search on internet for “squirting” ?
Sam–
If you will coach me through setting up my little $30.00 webcam, then I will show you the clear, warm, rain-on-a-hot-tin-roof that I regularly expel whenever there’s penetration and g-spot *anything* involved. I am a natural geyser. It is not pee. Before I started having sex with other people (i.e., not just with myself), I thought it was just sweat (I masturbated like a fiend when I was a teen. My stomach was flat just from coming. And coming. And… well, you get the idea…) pooling underneath me. Later, when the first guy who ever went down on me and made me come that way, peeked his head up and said, “I must’ve drank a *pint* of your cum,” I was dizzied and honored.
I, myself, have tasted it, and it tastes just like warm tears that have touched my pussy.
So I say, in all literalness,
In Your Face, Sam,
Leatherargento
Leatherargento – You’re on. Email me and we’ll set it up.