Brian Griffin.
The fourth in a short series of interviews with a typical American family regarding their feelings about, and use of, pornography.
Name: Brian Griffin
Age: 7 (Dog) 49 (Human)
Sam Sugar:: Nice to meet you Brian. I’m really looking forward to this.
Brian Griffin: Thank you Mr. Sugar. I’ll do my best in what might be called [COUGH] ‘hard’ - circumstances.
Sam Sugar: Very droll Brian. I understand you’ve been involved in the adult industry directly. Tell me about that.
Brian Griffin: Well it’s true. Not quite the heights of my time at the New Yorker but I have directed a few well-regarded pieces.
Sam Sugar: Do you remember what your first movie was called.
Brian Griffin: To be honest with you I can’t remember, but thematically is was a lot like ‘Bang the Drum Slowly’ - except in my version the drum is a chick. You might be familiar with some of my other productions though, Add Momma to the Train, The Purple Head of Cairo, You’ve Got Male Genitalia, and Shaving Private Ryan.
Sam Sugar: What do you think about the current state of the Jizz Bizz?
Brian Griffin: I’m pretty open minded. It’s hard to shock a guy who can lick his own balls. I’m particularly fond of anything featuring Jenna of course, she’s a friend of mine. Great lady.
Sam Sugar: Do you think you’ll work with her again?
Brian Griffin: I’d love to. I’d love to challenge her. Stretch her a little. See her get really her teeth into something meaty. There’s a script I’m working on she’d be perfect for, ‘Lipstick’, a girl meets boy, girl loses boy, girl meets dog thing.
Sam Sugar: You cast Samuel L. Jackson in his first porn role. Do you think you’ll work with mainstream stars again?
Brian Griffin: The whole Sam Jackson thing kind of blew up in my face. The last script I sent him was a cute piece about a dying mans desire to have sex with an entire flight-crew. They took my name off the script, changed a few key points and ‘Snakes on a Plane’ went into production as a thriller.
Sam Sugar: You’re telling me that Snakes on a Plane was written, by you, as a porn movie?
Brian Griffin: Think it through. What makes more sense? Terrorists trying to kill a key witness by releasing snakes onto a 747? Or Sam Jackson banging a lot of hot chicks in uniform because that stuff’s fun to see? They ruined my vision.
Sam Sugar: Do you use porn in your personal life?
Brian Griffin: I only get to see guys like me performing occasionally, I don’t speak German and find subtitles off-putting so I avoid most of it.
Sam Sugar: Have you ever heard of a performer called Lois Laid?
Brian Griffin: Underground stuff? Lots of heavy duty SM with that fat guy called Worm? Everyone in masks? I heard about it.
Sam Sugar: Might be worth checking out.
Brian Griffin: Thanks for the tip.
Sam Sugar: Thanks for your time Brian.
I foresee lots of porn ripoffs of Snakes on a Plane, mostly interracial titles featuring “black” snakes in/on various (white female) orifices… and, hell, even a gay porn entitled “Cocks on a Plane”.
It’s only a matter of time, Sam.
*goes off to find a torrent of Add Momma to the Train*
“Cocks On A Plane”, look out venom!
I LOVE these film names! Of course anything beats the Handjob Hunnies XC pattern that seems so popular nowadays.
That said, my favorite porn film name is an old one. Anybody else remember Duckman’s favorite movie, Bareassic Park?
Can’t quite understand Brian’s fascination with Jenna though. I don’t think she’d ever been in his favorite mag, Canine Coeds. Guess you never can tell though!
Another winner Sam! Keep it up!