3 Porn Based Urban Legends

re: female ejaculation

I’m torn about this. On the one hand, I’m inclined to believe you. It makes no sense to me that it could be anything other than urine. It’d explain the sensation similar to having to pee when the g-spot is stimulated, no?

But the reason I pause is that people I respect stand firmly behind the female-ejaculate-is-not-pee theory (like Good Vibes OG Deborah Sundahl, for example) and it’s hard to let it go. I’d be curious to see the hatemail you receive after this post, Sam.

Every one of my former lovers has enjoyed clit-slapping - albeit using her hand instead of mine so she could control the intensity. Maybe I just date freaks, but there may be a grain of truth to this one.

Normally, I don’t like the clit-slappage. Or spanking. Or really, really rough sex for that matter. But sometimes, you’re close to getting off and you need that extra oomph. And sometimes, that oomph is a clit slap. Or an ass spank. Or hair pulling. Or what have you. But it’s still firmly in that “don’t need it but if it happens at a critical moment, well I’ll take it” category.

And the hype about the squirting thing has to stop. Seriously. If one more guy asks me if I squirt, I’m going to scream. What I don’t get is that guys (as in, the guys that check out my site and look at my “porn”) aren’t into golden showers but LOVE squirting. In my opinion, porn has a tendency to ruin stuff. Seriously. I can only imagine what the next big “thing” will be in porn.

I produce *something* when I come, no doubt about it. It’s totally different than pee, and as a mommy, I’m an expert on pee.

I’ve watched the porn clips of girls ejaculating and nothing could be more different from my experience. Clearly they are faking their orgasms, and there is no way that allllll that fluid is anything other than pee.

My two cents.

The spewing fountains of fluid are very hard to believe, but as i found with an enthusiastic G-spot massaging gent my body can produce enough to soak a couple of beach towels. Of course, I also ended up in the ER for dehydration afterwards. One extreme to another.

Clit slapping - you referring to cock slapping the clit? If so then that is just silly. I like to get my vulva and asshole spanked during certain moments of raunchy sex but by a hand not a cock.

Where’d our gravatars go? Did I miss a memo?

Yes! I so agree with you re Hard Fucking! It always looks so pointless, I think the importance of that in porn is one of the reasons I don’t like so much of what I see. It just seems to kill whatever eroticism they managed to work up. Most of the time the women look bored and their “responses” tend to be so automated it has nothing to do with what he’s doing. About the only positive side of the Hard Fucking phenomena is showing of the athletic ability of the guy - but that’s not really my kink.

Clit Slapping, can work in the right situation, but to see it all the time? …

Never squirted myself, never been with a women that did either. Though my boyfriend claims to have been with a woman who did. So who am I to say it doesn’t exist, but its not that common.

Sam, on squirting: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for some sane words on this insane, um, issue.

I’ve been saying it’s pee for years, but if you’re a woman who doesn’t pee, everyone just assumes sour grapes.

DTG xxoo
Pussy Talk

Sam- you forgot “the female orgasm.”

(ducks.)

Sam, just to let you know—-I’ve linked to this post with a quote. Let the fireworks begin! hehe

DTG xxoo

“(Interestingly when you test that fluid it turns out to be of a different composition than “normal” urea - but to call anything from the bladder ‘ejaculate’ rather than ‘pee’ is politics not science.)”

I’m a squirter. I’ve closely examine (at a sensory level, not a chemical level) both pee (the stuff one generally releases into a toilet) and the-stuff-some-people-call-ejaculate (released at the moment of orgasm).

They aren’t the same stuff. One has the texture of water, a color varying from nearly clear to dark yellow, and a uric smell. The other is somewhat slippery, more viscous than water, and tends to be cloudy white.

I completely ready to believe (given my lack of medical training) that both of these substances are produced by the kidneys and stored in the bladder. (I’m also equally willing to believe that there’s an under-studied organ producing it. I’m a layman, I can’t argue with any of it.)

I’m not ready to give these two substances an undifferentiated name. They are released at different times for different reasons, and they are a different substance. Calling them both “pee” is ridiculous.

And then there’s the issue you calls “politics”, which I call choosing non-demeaning language. While the porn industry makes much of “squirting”, in the real world it is a shameful, difficult to manage problem, emotionally. Calling both *different* substances by the same (moderately vulgar) name further stigmatizes women like me.

Oh, and wanted to add one thing: I am also ready to believe that the women in the porn movies are peeing, or worse yet, faking it completely with hidden tubes.

But just because THEY don’t, doesn’t mean I don’t. I don’t get cups and cups of liquid. I do get enough to soak a cloth diaper pretty thoroughly. (This isn’t a kink. Other parents will understand: after the babies grow out of them, diapers make awesome household cleaners, and I often place old dipes under my bottom when I masturbate so I won’t have to change the sheets.) So I’d guess the amount to be somewhere around 2-4 ounces. And it doesn’t squirt 4 feet in the air, although if the orgasm is really intense, it might come out with enough force to make it to my thighs. Usually it just kind of…um….gushes down between my legs.

So the porn stars? Sure, fake. The whole phenomenon? Not so much.

Sam, I was disappointed to see your comments on female ejaculation. I think this is one place your posture as a pornographer has led you astray. To be sure, most of what is marketed as female ejaculation content is just re-treaded golden showers content. But in the bedroom, some women emit significant quantities (enough to drench a small towel) of fluid (wherever it comes from) that has properties (taste, smell, texture, viscousity) nothing like urine.

Ever since I got into the sex blogging biz, it’s been a pet peeve of mine to hear pornographers going “It’s just pee.” Yeah, that’s true in the shit your buddies film and sell, maybe, but it’s not true in the bedrooms of the women who actually ejaculate. Call it politics if you will, but it seems insane to me to reinforce existing female apprehensions about their smell and taste by slapping a label like “pee” on a colorless fluid with a taste and smell and feel that’s nothing like (and much more pleasant than) pee.

Zero: Come on, man. You don’t see Sam debunking Bigfoot or UFOs here, do you?

I don’t pee when I come, unless the boyfriend isn’t telling me something. But I often cry. Not sad crying or even “ooo that was so emotional and deep and intimate I can’t help but weep at the glorious event that is us” crying. It’s full-on physical crying though — tears well up, leak out, jaw tenses, throat opens and constricts, the whole bit.

This is disconcerting to some men, because frankly, I’m only attracted to nice men and nice men hate to feel like they made a woman cry.

And yet the one thing I’ve not seen in porn is “spontaneous” post-coital tears. Perhaps that’s next? Only in true porn-style, it will be much more copious than any actual sex could ever inspire…

I just wish guys (and women, honestly) would stop making such a big deal over whether or not you squirt.

I don’t. It’s not a lack of G-spot stimulation, it’s definitely not that I’m insufficiently orgasmic. I just don’t squirt. I don’t really feel motivated to set aside entire three-day weekends to force it, either. If it happens, fine, if not, I have no complaints.

There are people now who will try to make you feel doubtful and inferior about your orgasms. I have the comfort level to brush it off, but what about all these women really exploring sex for the first time at whatever age, that now have that doubt in the back of their minds when they orgasm? That’s no way to live.

zero - Just because you’ve never had a female orgasm doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist…

The evolutionary argument doesn’t fly. I’m not arguing for the existence of such an organ — damned if I know — but you merely saying there’s “no reason” for it is not an argument AGAINST it. First of all, evolution doesn’t work on reason, it works on random mutations that are selected (by bestowing an accidental reproductive advantage) for by environmental conditions. Such mutations can very well be accompanied by apparently “useless” pieces that stick around because other traits associated with the mutation are useful. Also, it is awfully hard to tell what “use” traits might have had in our distant ancestors that continue to live on well past their usefulness because their existence doesn’t *hinder* fitness. So that fact that you, a layman, can’t see a “use” for female ejaculation at orgasm or some vestigal organ, does not constitute a valid argument against it. Heck, what evolutionary advantage is conferred by peeing at orgasm? There must be one, if it exists, right? Or heck, the advantage of female orgasm at all, a *much* disputed topic.

Anyway, I’m interested in a citation for your reference about the minimal composition differences in “ejactulate” vs. urine. You didn’t include one, so I can’t refute it directly. I can only say that there has to be some explanation for the very evident sensory differences in smell, test, texture, viscosity and appearance. Even if, as you claim (again, without citation) there’s research suggesting some “part of the bladder we don’t normally empty” that accounts for the difference, there still has to be some chemical/physical difference in the fluid to account for a difference in sensory properties. Until you come up with research that explains it, I consider this to continue to be an open issue, no matter how empathically you suggest that your blog closes it.

You speak here with a lot of authority, no data, and a hypothesis that fails to account for exceptions.

And I’m baffled as to how you can quote Occam’s Razor at me in the same post where you claim that there’s some special part of the bladder that isn’t normally emptied that turns clear or yellow pee into cloudy white.

Wait, I was confused. We’re arguing about the existence of female orgasms?!?

Okay, you’re just a troll then. All done.

Personally I think that gushing and dripping are underrated. (Speaking as one who needs no towels on the bed, but gets exceedingly wet, thank you very much).

As for clit-slapping: if a man ever attempted to do that to me, he’d get a fucking hard kick in the gonads. (Speaking as one who is ultra-sensitive in that area and can barely stand a gentle finger let alone a hard rub/slap).

Finally, I agree about how most porn perpetuates an unreality with all the hard fucking that is going on onscreen: time for some real sex I think. Though saying that, I am quite partial to a hard fuck. (Speaking as a woman who regularly climaxes from penetration and not (often) from clitoral stimulation).

My wife and one previous girlfriend both ejaculate regularly during certain types of orgasm (deep vaginal rather than clitoral) and in both cases the fluid smells, feels and tastes (one weird experience, okay) different from urine. Whether the basis of the fluid is produced in the bladder, I don’t know, but the total of it is not “pee”. I agree that probably 90-95% of squirt porn is faked (either pumped full of liquid, or forced squirt of urine) but the phenomenon exists, and predated the current fad by several years. And it is a squirt! Girlfriend was only a few teaspoons, but wifey often drenches the bed/towel.
When it comes to sexual research precluding certain female sexual responses, need we mention Freud et al? “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
And when it comes to bodily organs, ear lobes?

Thanks for the interesting article from Dr. Perry. Unfortunately, although he references a study, he doesn’t give details. He does, however, present a much more compelling argument than you do, without relying on the specious “evolution” argument.

I main point, though, was on the use of the word “pee” as being both needlessly imprecise and also needlessly stigmatizing. Therefore it interested me to note that Dr. Perry and his youthful compatriots coined their own phrase, “beer piss”. The existence of this alternate term points to a social need to distinguish between different types of fluid one might emit from the bladder.

It was also interesting to note that Dr. Perry is proposing that the fluid ejected during a female orgasm is NOT just “beer piss” or just “pee” but, “beer piss” combined with paraeurethral secretions containing glucose, etc. Your claim of it being “just” pee is not supported by him. While he didn’t get into the sensory properties of the paraurethral secretions, it strikes me as possible that they are cloudy white, slippery and viscous; if a little bit of very white, slippery viscous fluid mixed with a much larger amount of watery odorless nearly clear “beer piss”, the result might very well be what I’ve observed: a slightly cloudy slightly viscous slightly slippery fluid that is clearly not “pee”.

At any rate, your fallacious call on evolutionary arguments notwithstanding, I stand by my assertion that “pee” is neither an accurate nor appropriate word for the substance resulting from real-life (non-porn-actors) squirters.

What about the Donkey Punch, Burrowing Skunk, Abraham Lincoln and The Rusty Trumpet? Are these fake too?

Thank you for realistic discussions of these acts. I still say that “ass-to-mouth”, alluded to in your opening comments, is just about the worst, when you graph it for frequency of appearance and disgustingness and health risk. I know that the actors have likely had several enemas before those scenes were shot, but still. Eiw.

Great post - I despise all those bizarre sex practices that are prevalent these days. Have you noticed that when the male star comes, he usually does it from jerking off himself? In mainstream porn, I don’t think the female or the male stars are really enjoying the sex.

Bring back the fun!

“They aren’t the same stuff. One has the texture of water, a color varying from nearly clear to dark yellow, and a uric smell. The other is somewhat slippery, more viscous than water, and tends to be cloudy white.”

Slippery, more viscous than water, and tends to be cloudy white?

You just perfectly described a fluid I sometimes get, too - not from the clit, though, from the *middle*. That fluid acts as a natural lubricant for the penis (which is why some women - myself included - have a lot of trouble with pre-clitorial-stimulation penetration. And I do notice, once in a while, a bit of a spurt when I orgasm, due to the muscles contracting, but it DOES come from the middle). I honestly forget what this fluid’s supposed to be called in the official sense, although in written porn, it tends to be referred to with all sorts of euphemisms, such as “honey” or “cream”, I’ve noticed. Why, I have no idea. I know for a fact (don’t ask) that it is virtually tasteless. Kind of like how I always imagine unflavored gelatin to taste like. I can only laugh at how I imagine an entire generation of guys who grew up on written porn that describes such fluid as “sweet nectar” will react to REAL oral sex.

Seriously, though. Are you absolutely, positively, 100% sure BEYOND A DOUBT that this “female ejaculate” you describe does not at least include some of that “nectar”? Because it sounds an awful lot like it does.

Side note: I think it odd that people still refer to the G-spot as if it were a mystical Shangri-la of sexual gratification. It’s not THAT hard to know it’s there (albeit the exact spot may be harder to actually pinpoint); chances are, if you’re a woman who’s had a halfway decent orgasm before, regardless of what form of stimulation you used to get it, you’ve felt the nerves in that area act up. The path sexual stimulation travels up (and, from what I can tell, the placement of the “G-spot” is somewhere along this same one) is called the vagus nerve, and it’s a nerve that runs up the front of the body (now you know why some people like to do it “doggy style”! That position makes it easier to hit that very nerve). If you’ve had a good orgasm, you might recall feeling some sensation of some sort up there. I’ve noticed it even with purely clitorial stimulation, on plenty of occasions.

One thing I noticed recently when I saw a clip from a lesbian porno was the oral sex looked like one of the gals was a cat washing the other! That doesn’t look like it’s all that satisfying.

I don’t get this “need for speed” in porn. What ever happened to the almost-agonizingly-but-ultimately-ecstasy-inducingly slow sex building into a crazy-good climax!? Seriously. Way sexier.

Written porn has some weirder stuff, though, to the point where I wonder where all that money for sex ed REALLY goes. For instance, the hymen being like halfway up - um, no, men. It’s not. It’s at the front! For an even weireder/funnier good time, Google “Mpreg”. Male pregnancy. I swear I’m not kidding. It’s a fetish, albeit one of a romantic add-on for the sex. What’s scary is that apparently, some young girls are writing this stuff and (wait for it) ACTUALLY BELIEVE that men can get pregnant (those gals listed everything from the pancreas to the bladder to the butt cheeks as places for the baby to grow in, which makes me frankly weep for the current state of our biology classes). Scary!

-Jen

Sam-How did male nipples evolve?

I’m pretty broken up that you think I’m humorless. I’m definitely going to need therapy to get over this one.

As for the squirting, I know it does exist, and that it isnt urine. but I do agree the fountain folks have to have a lot of urine in it. My gf/bh creates a massed cone of cold. I would say at most there is a teaspoon, but probably less. but it is such a fine spray, that not only is it slick, but the temperature is very low. It is odd, but I find it very reassuring, as I know when she orgasms..

Nice AMA style, Sammy, accurate bibliographies make me hot

The clitoris isn’t essential to reproduction but it exists. I think it’s foolhardy to believe that we know all there is to know about the human body. It’s only been eight years since Melbourne urologist, Dr Helen O’Connell for the first time ever accurately described the true structure of the clitoris - up until then we’d been informed by Gray’s Anatomy - drawings based on the cadavers of three females, and unquestioned for many, many years.

I think one of the biggest myths that porn portrays is that “more and harder is always better” thereby turning sex into either a sporting endurance event or a pantomime where all the acts are exaggerated so the folk up the back can see… In real life lots of women squirt, some squirt a lot of fluid, probably few would squirt anything like women we see in porn. Lots of women, me included, like hard fucking, but not just hard fucking all the time, I like the occasional spank as much as the next girl but in porn that “Wake up clit” type jabby action you describe is usually combined with a bit of spitting and the old three seconds of pussy eating with the pointy tongue routine. It’s just dull and bland. And more of it is just dull and bland. Perhaps that is the greatest porn myth - that sex is dull and bland?

All this talk about female ejaculation - I knew I had done some reading on this before. The latest theory is that it is not pee. Its not produced by the kidneys or the bladder, but by the Skene’s gland which is found in the urethra.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skene’s_gland

I think that the barrage of comments I’ve read that support what I was going to say (how not necessarily wrong, but inaccurate, this article can be) negates the need for me to explain why.

You can’t blanket your opinions over everybody out there and say any exception is for freaks or perverts only. It’s people like you that make honestly normal people feel guilty about things they shouldn’t, which leads to bad relationships and personal insecurity.

This article? Perverted. Much more perverse than any porn I’ve seen, and since this is on the internet, that speaks volumes.

Nipples don’t evolve. Species do. ie embryological development is not “evolution”.

mercy

“The clitoris isn’t essential to reproduction but it exists.”

I seem to recall something (I think in a TLC doc about hermaphrodites) about all humans starting out the same in the womb, and then developing into one sex or another due to hormonal triggers.

Hence, we share some of the same basic structures, such as nipples existing on men despite the fact that they’re not meant to lactate (though they can in rare cases, it’s usually very small amounts). The clitoris’ external physical structure is the “base” as it were, for the development of the penis.

However, the main sexual organs in a woman are internal and connected to the falopian tubes, which are connected in turn to the uterus, and then the vaginal opening. They have no connection to the urethra. The main male sexual organs, which produce sperm, are connected to the penis.

Women do not have testicles, and the ovaries are not connected to the clitoris. Hence, they do not ejaculate in the same EXACT sense as men do.

Of course, men can lactate - but they only do it in very small amounts. It’s possible women could ejaculate fluid WITHOUT sperm, of course, the fluid sperm travels in, in small amounts as well.

However, I still think from the amount and especially description given, I can’t rule out that what you described came from the vaginal opening, at least in part.

Also, it’s worthy of note that when a man lactates, it’s at least partially caused by an excess of estrogen. When women grew facial hair that is thick, it’s usually attributed to either higher levels of testosterone (for instance, with certain forms of steroids), or a dive in the amount of estrogen (as can happen when a woman hits menopause, of course).

So I would have to wonder if women who had that kind of gland actually active in their clit (assuming that is in fact what it is) might have a bit of excess testosterone in their systems. (This need not be bad OR good, just an observation. After all, testosterone is intimately connected with sexuality).

- Jen

I don’t care what it is or where it comes from or why it sometimes happens when I have an orgasm.

It feels fucking great.

Thanks and goodnight!

There’s so many other things you could add to the “stupid porn sex acts” list. Like cum swapping. Or double anal. Or fishhooking. Even facial cumshots look stupid to me. So much mainstream porn seems to be turning into a freakshow. I pity anyone who takes it as sex education.

There may be one good thing about the rise of female ejaculation in porn. At least it’s showing female orgasm (or something equivalent to it). Until recently, a woman’s orgasm wasn’t considered terribly necessary: think of how many Vivid movies feature the actress constantly moaning but never quite getting there… until the guy comes and it’s all over.

Misogyny aside, one of the reasons for this may have been that pornographers felt that you couldn’t visually “prove” a woman had come, so they dispensed with the whole unpleasant issue.

Squirting (real or otherwise) has offered a way to produce the required visual effect, so that may be why it’s suddenly popular. If nothing else, at least we get the see the girls come.

Thus, my optimistic self sees the rise of squirting as a step forward for porn - albeit a kind of wobbly step in the usual slightly insane, porny way of things.

OK, back to your regularly scheduled female ejaculation argument…

Thank you !!!! for pointing out that clit slapping is totally dumb

I have added a link to your blog on my blog — hope that is ok

In regards to female ejaculations. At 58 I can honestly say I have “known” quite a few women. Out of all of them, only two ever ejaculated. One released a bit of fluid once after very significant foreplay.

However, there was one woman that could eject significant amounts of fluid that was decidedly NOT urea. Her ex-husband enjoyed golden showers and she was sure that the two experiences felt totally different to her.

At the time, I asked my MD for an explanation. He mentioned wall tissue in the area near the bladder that could contract and expel fluid/secretions from that area.

Whatever the explanation, we discovered this ability by accident and worked it often up until we seperated two years later. Just a note, when she did “ejaculate” two things would happen. One, she would roll over and take a rief nap in order to recover. Second, little blood vessels on her facial cheeks would burst under her skin. The burst blood vessels are called “pehteekeeye” (phonetic spelling).

Keep up the interesting work.

For the record, I’m a female ejaculator. It is NOT pee- I pee before and after sex (reduces the risk of UTI’s, and anyway, I don’t want to pee during sex, and usually need to after). The fluid is clear, not yellow, and it smells and tastes different than pee, or regular female wetness. For me, at least, it’s a STRONG smell, too- and it tended to stain the towels so I’d have to wash them twice, or risk using them after a shower and smell like pussy all day, which isn’t so great…

There is absolutely no way that I could have a pre-sex tinkle, and then within 10 minutes “pee” enough to soalk through 5 or 6 towels, then need to pee again in half an hour. Not a happening thing- you’re going to have to take my word on it. And the ejection velocity in some of the movies dosen’t seem too off, either- I haven’t seen myself, of course, but there was one interesting evening where I came so hard on my lover it splashed off his stomach and hit me strait up the nose.

He was slightly offended when I started laughing hysterically mid-orgasm, but when I told him what happend, gasping for air, laughing, AND cumming at the same time, he started laughing too. It was a fun, happy evening
Also, for the record- my ex did not like this quirk of my anatomy, because the inevitable wet spot, and mid-sex towel management.