Last night, once again, Hollywood failed to make a star-packed awards ceremony interesting.
With unlimited resources and access to every major star, the Oscars was less entertaining than the AVN Awards. Where was the Oscar for ‘Best Fem-Dom Strap-On’? How did the academy fail to bestow a ‘Best Anal’ statue to ‘Brokeback Mountain’? Why didn’t Ang Lee mention his inspiration, AVN’s ‘Best Anal’ award winner ‘Cumshitters’ (original title ‘Cumshitters Mountain’. Could it be that Cumshitters had no Asian’s shitting cum in it and that Ang Lee’s secretly a ’round-eye’ hating racist?) If last night is the best Hollywood can manage, is it time for a sex-blogs award show? Could we do it any worse?
It’s not totally crazy.
Okay I’m fucking with you, it’s a stupid idea.
Then again, the major blog awards are effectively shut to sex-sites and it’s not as if sex is a tiny online backwater – there should be plenty of interest. Why are the major blog awards sex-phobic anyway? Are thet scared we’ll show up, drink their beer, loot their villages, marry their daughters and steal their oxen? (Sorry about that, sometimes I wear a horned helmet while I blog and it can effect my writing).
How should sex-blog awards work? The Oscars have a voting panel of almost dead old white men who seem to have been retired your entire life but could still have you killed industry experts, and they vote on the nominees. Then again, for me the Oscars means waking up in the morning to read about what happened at Defamer. The awards are so comprehensively rigged by skilled PR that the media coverage is more interesting than the show. This morning over my cornflakes (Crunchy Nut. Who’s asking?) I learned that, despite the evidence of the Daily Show, John Stewart is a cunt who should be shot (I’m paraphrasing), flipped sites to check out Nathalie Portman rapping old Eazy E lines on SNL (that’s a woman worth getting circumcised for. Hollywood’s chief negotiator in the Middle-East piece-of-ass process. A professional I’d let assemble my rifle etc.) and then enjoyed all the bile piled on Crash (which is a good movie and only cost $6.5M, Brokeback’s fluffer budget.)
The alternative to the Oscar model is the public voting online, but how do you get real results without it just being a ’she who sends the most people to vote here wins’ deal like the Bloggies?
Should there be an event? Would your travel somewhere to party and watch mostly-other-people get gongs? Do awards need a charity hook for people too guilty to get fucked-up on an open bar and canapés without pictures of starving kids on easels too take the edge off?
I ask these things because I’m being asked for an opinion on sex-blog awards by people who want to do them and I don’t have one. I don’t even have any pants on to be honest. It’s pretty sad to see.
Popularity: 40% [?]
So you’re wearing a horned helmet and not wearing any pants? Kinky.
Seriously, I like the idea of sex blog awards. But the ‘she who sends the most people to vote here wins’ model needs to be updated too I think.
But how? Maybe a panel of judges that rotate every year? But then who picks the judges, how does one qualify as a judge?
It would be interesting to see AVN add a best sex-blog category to their awards night. I’d start up a blog just for the chance to rub up against those Pinkgasm kids at an after party. Or not.
Blog awards squick me a bit because of the most-clicks-wins strategy that has been used in the past. I like the panel of judges idea, and I think it would be great if there were a bunch of different categories.
Its great that the Best of Blogs awards has a Best Sex Blog category (yay Magdelena!), but there are so many different kinds of sex blogs out there its kind of unfair to lump them all together.
Hmm very interesting ideas oh pantless one.
Perhaps we could have a panel of long time bloggers to vote – but again, how and who would be chosen.
I think it would be fun, but I’m not sure how meaningful it would be… I don’t pay a whole heck of a lot of attention to which awards have been won by the blogs I read. I *do* think the awards would be somewhat more meaningful if all the judges of the sex blog awards wore viking helmets and nothing else.
Sam, I think the Oscar analogy you make can be applied in the Blogsophere:
“The awards are so comprehensively rigged by skilled PR that the media coverage is more interesting than the show”
Personally I think blogs should also be evaluated on the ‘depth’ of commentary, not the ingratiating commentry, ‘arse lick’ commentary, or ‘oooh…wow…yummy!’ commentry, especially after say the blogger has gone to an effort to construct a story to receive bimbo commentry.
Then again, maybe it can go to the other extreme, where commentary doesn’t matter. One of my favorite blogs, which I won’t name, isn’t one that’s peppered with comments and it’s mind boggling considering the male behind it writes some compelling stories.
All good points. I guess the choice is flawed awards or none at all. Certainly having a single ’sex blog’ category in other awards is too narrow and condescending.
So I should tell these guys to ditch the idea I take it? If not give me some answers:
1) An awards show? (it’ll need funding of course, probably by a degree of paid admission, and require travel – it could be hooked to another even though)
2) Decision by panel or by votes?
3) Nominations by panel or by votes?
4) Large panel (Oscar has hundreds) or small (Mercury music prize has less than ten)
Thanks in advance for the thinking…
1. No awards show. Expensive, slightly ludicrous, and since many bloggers blog for fun (and for free), a kind of ridiculous expectation to cough up money for travel. Unless its in NYC, then hell yeah for the awards show. You can all stay at my house.
2. Decision by panel.
3. Nomination by votes.
4. Small panel – selecting a small panel will be enough of a goddamn nightmare.
I agree with BadAss, 100%.
Some answers (they may or may not make any sense, I’ve been up for two days):
1. I think it would be fun ludicrous overkill especially in light of recent sex blogger meetups, but a lot of sex bloggers try to stay anonymous and fun overkill is still overkill. I guess there’s an element of “The other blogs get them, so why can’t we?” and an even bigger element of “Wonder if there’ll be drunken blogger sex…”
It might make sense to hold off on any award show the first year (or attach it to some other gathering, so people can justify going) but after that first year would be the time to gauge realistic interest for one anyway.
2. Panel. Either way it’s a popularity contest – it might as well be one that’s also judged on merits.
3. Votes.
4. Small; it’s easier to coordinate and will make for less people to bribe.
Here my take first if you like your viking helment look at this I found on literally speaking http://users.wolfcrews.com/toys/vikings/viking_kittens.swf
It is so cool.
Now as far as awards go No show Most of us that blog couldn’t go anyway.
A panel should judge the blogs in various catagories based on nominations by all bloggers. The judges can pick the top eight in each category and add two more of thier choosing. Then they get together and figure a winner. The winners become next years judges and therfor inelidgeable to win. The nominated blogs should be at least 3 months old. This award should be anually or every 6 months. The first set of judges should be whoever decides to do this and 6 bloggers he picks. A judge should be a blogger because he or she undersatnds what it takes to blog day in and out. Once nominations are in judges should read all post on nominated blogs before making decision. I belive done this way some really good blogs will be read and its up to the judges to look around and make sure that even the unpopular or undiscovered blogs also have a chance.
So what do you think?
All numbers are just examples less nominated would probably be easer and the amount of judges after first time would change based on categories. Anyway if you decide to do this I think it would be cool and I’m willing to help.
One more thing AVN should do their show Pay per view and include a blog as well as website if they dont already.
I agree with Dacia.
However, don’t forget other categories like video-podcasts…
(Not that I’d win them… but I would make a good judge!)
Cheers Dacia.
Like Ms. Kitka, I defer to Dacia’s response but to be honest, I wouldn’t want to be the one organising it. The words ‘thankless’ and ‘nightmare’ spring to mind.
Do a random ballot. Get bloggers to nominate their page, then draw the 9 (then there’s no 50/50 vote) names of the judges from a hat. Anyone drawn as a judge will no longer be in the running. Those 9 will decide who’s up for which awards.
Better yet – try and select judges from different countries… America, Canada, Australia, England, etc.
Personally, I think it would be fun.
You’re not fooling anyone with that false humility, Ms. Kitka.
Though you would make a great judge.
Okay – that’s better. Maybe I should have written the post like that the first time. Some feedback.
1) I like dressing up so I’m going to advocate an awards show. Besides, who says there won’t be a sex-blogger event? I think making them purely online makes them so ‘easy’ to do it’s almost not worth it. Just don’t ask me to organize anything…
2) I think a panel’s a good idea. It’s composition would almost certainly be a mix of the people paying for and promoting the thing and bloggers (the past winners thing is good).
3) Noms by vote is a great way to get the biggest blogs to the top but what about the smaller blogs that are doing good work anyway? Could the nominations be done another way without producing a million to go through?
4) You could go Oscar style, the panel starts small – grows with each new set of winners. If they choose not to vote, their loss. Some non-bloggers would ad a bit of perspective too. The panel’s not immediately obvious to me…
Thanks – very helpful stuff people.
… I think Sam is the obvious choice to host the awards show, too.
Dan – you’re so wise… Damn. I’ll sing and everything. It’ll be like the Oscars but fewer of the winners will have had to sleep their way to the top…
…fewer of the winners will have had to sleep their way to the top…
Maybe that should be a category?
1. It would be too hard to get everyone together for a show, I think. Perhaps we could just take pictures of ourselves in fancy dress…
2. A panel would eliminate some blogs from winning through overpowering votes (Besides, that wouldn’t work for me, my readers aren’t big on participation. ^_~)
3) Nomination by votes – a panel might miss some worthy blogs.
4) Small panel, to avoid complications.
Previous winners as judges would be good, and maybe a cap on how many years a judge could be on the panel.