As someone who sees a lot of porn, I’ll admit to finding myself frequently puzzled by some young lady’s facial expressions. For all the times I look into a pair of pixilated eyes and think ‘Yes, she could hardly look more, there’s a cock in my ass - bravo’, on other occasions it all seems hollow, and I have to go back to surfing breast augmentation websites for kicks (so I’m kinky, sue me.)

Thinking you might feel the same, I’ve invented a game (copyright Sam Sugar – in stores for the holidays). Despite the filth I’m linking to here, I’ve decided to try and keep the language and descriptions as delicate as possible (hence, ‘The Lady Game’.) If you’re a porn expert, this should be easy.

How to play: Below you’ll find five thumbnails taken from naughty images I found online. Read the descriptions beneath each thumbnail and try to work out which one is a correct description of the photo it’s taken from.

You can click each thumbnail to see if you got it right or, if you’re at work and don’t want to see any porn, check the answers are listed at the base of this post.

Put your scores in the comments, don’t cheat, and have fun. (NB: I scored 100% but I’m pretty brilliant and knew all the answers anyway. Try not to feel intimidated.)

(NB: I tried linking directly to photos but a script on the gallery pages prevents that from working. The thumbnail images below link to gallery pages.)

1.

1. The young lady is rubbing a ballpoint pen against her front-bottom and drinking whisky.
2. The young lady is pulling her g-string aside to reveal her skinflower.
3. The young lady is watching Condeleeza Rice force Pat Robertson’s semen through a sieve made of her own pubic hair into Dick Cheney’s open mouth.

A: Photo 2

See the whole photoset here.

2.

1. The young lady is examining a dildo and contemplating sitting on it.
2. The young lady is filing her nails.
3. The young lady is vigorously jilling off while Teri Hatcher laughs uproariously and shoots a Golden Retriever puppy.

A: Photo 1

See the whole photoset here.

3.

1. The young lady is trying to find middle ‘C’ on a piano while showing her ass to the room.
2. The young lady is being vigorously penetrated by a man we must assume is her fiancé.
3. An arc of clear girl-squirt ejaculated by the young lady is being used to lubricate the wheel-bearings on a 1926 Duesenberg roadster.

A: Photo 5

See the whole photoset here.

4.

1. The young lady is having both her front and rear bottom’s explored by two men pretending to ignore each other.
2. The young lady is watching a friend of hers remove the venom from a gentleman’s tummy-stick.
3. The young lady is spreading her vertical bacon sandwich for her lover, while beside her Bill Gates struggles with a programming problem and tries to keep his laptop semen free.

A: Photo 4

See the whole photoset here.

5.

1. The young lady is milking a cow in that sexy ‘down on the farm’ way.
2. The young lady is bending over a to prove that two sex-toys will fit into one hole.
3. The young lady is pressing her ear to someone’s bottom trying to hear the perfect queef.

A: Photo 11

See the whole photoset here.

Answers: 1a, 2b, 3a, 4b, 5c

As every wise person knows, what the web is missing is another place to buy ‘funny’ T-Shirts. With that knowledge I’ve put together a SugarBank store, SugarSwag, in time for the Holidays.

YEAH! MERCHANDISING! LET’S GO!

I can tell you’re excited.

There are three designs, aimed at porn lovers, bloggers and trendsetters everywhere, they read:

• “My blog’s pretty jackoffable”
• “The Greatest Threat Posed by Porn is Tennis Elbow”
• “Sex (Porn), Drugs (Caffeine) and Rock ‘n’ Roll (MP3’s)”

They’re available on a variety of T-Shirts (some with long sleeves) styled for men and women (no kids, even I draw the line somewhere). They’re all American Apparel, made in the US (not in a sweatshop) and printed with flock (flock’s that slightly furry, velvety stuff so, unlike a regular screen-printed T-Shirt, people are going to want to rub you when you wear these). They’re very expensive and worth every penny.

Here’s an enormous picture of everything on offer, it’ll help you decide if expending the energy to click on this link is worthwhile. You can see the designs at full-size in the store, which is where I suggest you go next:

Of course I can’t forget the hotpants. Everyone needs hotpants…

Another packed bloggasm, I hear that this thing’s really starting to draw some attention. Thanks for the referrals, the more bloggers join in, the better it works. This weeks picks are:

• A Vampire Eats Out (whatsyourpleasure.blogspot.com)
• Another Day of Hard Work in Phone Sex (talkingdirty.blogspot.com)
• Bedroom Radio Episode #8 – Under the Covers (bedroomradio.blogspot.com)
• Behaviour and Fulfilled Fantasies (bikersballsandteacherstits.blogspot.com)
• Better late than never (darkershadeofme.blogspot.com)
• “Can’t I at least see them!?” (shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com)
• Edges - Part II - A Story of Rape, Complicity and Consent (nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com)
• For M (anyonesgirl.blogspot.com)
• Harder (lumpesse.com)
• I’ve Got A Few Other Ideas As Well (tirepaddle.com)
• Karly and the True Pro - by Joe (karlyjoe.blogspot.com)
• Mister Interviews Mister (sexblo.gs)
• My heart belongs to Daddy… (mimredbeard.com)
• Punishment (sexinga.blogspot.com)
• The Swag has Landed (sugarbank.com)
• The Second Coming of Jesus (theholidaylife.blogspot.com)
• The Sounds of Cumming (radicalvixen.com)
• Trying Out the New Vibe (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com)
• World AIDS Day & Condoms (seska4lovers.com)
• Would you kiss or lick me better? (deltaofvenus.blogspot.com)

Please repost the links above by the end of the weekend and trackback/pingback to let me know (if you’re listed in Technorati I’ll find any post which links to me automatically).  (As I’ve just launched some SugarBank T-Shirts let me know if anyone wants bloggasm swag – it’s all possible now. The mug of your dreams is just a click away and I’m already getting asked to do some stuff for Valentino’s spring line so book me now.)

Being an ‘expert’ in the world of porn doesn’t mean you’ve seen everything. There’s only so much you can endure before the scariest thing imaginable becomes the thought of hot, wet vagina behind described, explored or photographed.

Well that’s the theory, I’m still rather pleased by most aspects of hot, wet vagina but, even so, I spend more time discussing the business of it than enjoying the pleasure of it (I might need a drink.)

I’d like to think that I’m seeing the best of what’s out there, but wondering what I’ve missed? Where do you go to get your online jollies? Let me know, share the love and do another website a solid.

My friend John makes paddles out of re-purposed tire-tread. It’s as weird, clever and kinky as it sounds and, if you haven’t clicked through to him from the bloggasm you can read all about it here.

He’s in with a real chance to win a competition being held by Treehugger (which isn’t a tree porn blog, but is read by people who might buy it if you ever decided to make some.) I think the idea that a manufacturer of BDSM equipment (stuff categorized as un-PC abuse tools by some), might win Treehugger’s oh-so-PC prize is pretty hilarious. If you feel the same, vote for spanked asses here.

The Fine Fools Network is the latest evidence of Paul Scrivens commitment to blogging. (Paul’s the 25 year old behind 9rules, the world’s largest blog network, which is as cool as it’s intimidating. That he looks like a young Malcolm Gladwell - stretched to 6 foot massive - is yet more fuel for marketing conspiracists everywhwere (personally I think he’s a cyborg))

The newest Fine Fools blog is Sexerati, written by Melissa Gira, which as far as I’m aware, is only the second sex blog in a major network. It’s an interesting development, with Gawker’s Fleshbot and now Sexerati, it’s as if Conde Naste and IPC published Playboy and Hustler respectively. The times are a changin’… (there’s a song in that.)

Since launching SugarBank I’ve spent a considerable amount of time wondering where all the sex blogs are. Unlike the mainstream web which is saturated with good, bad and what-the-fuck-is-that porn (remember when the web was just porn and X10 camera pop-under ads? – the good old days…), the adult blog space seems a little weak. One major networked sex blog, a few huge TGP’s pretending to be blogs and a lot of lovingly handcrafted small sites seem to be all there is on offer. When I asked for recommendations earlier this week, people responded with all the enthusiasm of Nascar fans at an R. Kelly concert.

As I’m really only useful when I know what I’m talking about (or am completely naked ladies), I decided to investigate, and find out if the lack of sex(y) blogs was real or imagined.

I started by visiting Technorati. For all their flaws they do as good a job as anyone at providing a rough snapshot of what’s happening in the blog space. I looked up ten popular tags, and counted how many blogs were listed in each case:

The first interesting point is that Tags like ‘Gadgets’ which are very thoroughly and professionally blogged pull comparitively few blogs, likewise sex related tags aren’t used that often. Based on this it appears that the sex business doesn’t yet know the difference (wait for it) between its (WAIT for it) RSS and it’s elbow (YES! YES! Pure gold. Damn I’m funny.) Another conclusion might be that sex bloggers don’t tag, but in that case, we can assume as many sex-bloggers ignore their tags as those in the mainstram, and still make comparisons between categories. The other alternative is that there’s been a cooling effect, where the big blogs are so effectively dominating a niche that they’ve killed competition Google-Mart style.

I then looked at each tag in more detail. Technorati ranks blogs based on the number of incoming links from other blogs they have, counting the number of individual blogs linking as of primary importance, and the number of total links after that. I.e. ten links from ten different blogs means more to Technorati than ten (or twenty) links from the same blog - but Technorati does consider both numbers.

For each tag, I looked at the 20 blogs with the most links, and counted the number of linking blogs. Plotting the number of links against each blog results in a line which tells us more about what’s going on in each area of interest:

(click to enlarge)

I then did the same thing with the sex-related tags:

(click to enlarge)

In the graphs above, the area under each line represents the amount of activity in each category, while the shape of each line shows how strong the top blogs in each category are relative to each other.

‘Gadgets’ and ‘Blogs’ are both tags which the graph reveals are dominated by large blogs (Engadget and BoinBong in this case) which absorb the majority of links in the areas they cover. Conversely ‘Politics’ isn’t a tag dominated by any single blog, containing a large number of very strong blogs, all of whom share the link love reasonably evenly.

Of course, what’s most interesting to us is the weakness of the sex tags. Based on this graph it appears that the adult market, arguably the most profitable online, isn’t being actively contested. Despite thousands of companies, many of them with millions of dollars to spend, with a foot in the industry, sex tags appear to be underutilized.

Fleshbot is currently the market leading sex-blog (probably followed by Erosblog – which may get more pageviews but isn’t formally networked and has a lower profile), and many babelogs get the kind of traffic most mainstream websites find hard to process (millions of pageviews a day). Could they be having a cooling effect and be responsible for the low use of sex tags? Not unless Technorati is blind to the biggest blogs in the marketplace, and that could only happen if they’re choosing not be listed (Fleshbot?) or not using tags.

The point is RSS has changed the rules. Powerful websites were good at attracting raw traffic, but dominating in the blog space, and attracting the high-quality visitors who choose to subscribe to what you have to say, means being good at generating links-in. Right now, the sex arena (which is where I sometimes play nice, and other times rough ladies), is still wide open. Due to choice, error or ignorance, the biggest sex-blogs are still thinking like websites.

What’s the upshot of this brief analysis?

1. If you think you’ve ‘missed out’ on the porn boom, these numbers should give you pause for thought, in the blog space – things have only just begun.
2. The number of blogs that link to you matters (which is where the bloggasm can make a big difference. Links from small blogs carry equal weight to links from large blogs within Technorati, so the size of the blogs linking to you isn’t that important.)
3. If you’re not tagging you’re missing out on a lot of interest. People looking for sex-based content using tags don’t have much to choose from right now.

Click here to see Diane Sawyer in high definition.

A number of big names on TV, and in Hollywood are scared of High-Definition (HD) TV. Unlike the (US) TV we’re all used to with 525 lines (there are 625 in Europe which is why US productions always look a little ’soft’ back in the old country) HD offers 720 or 1080 lines in each frame.

When TV was young, tiny screens and low resolution forced directors to use close-ups constantly, because without them you couldn’t see what was going on. In HD close-ups are brutal.

Every wrinkle, crease and imperfection in living color, despite her being a beautiful older woman, under perfect lighting, armed with a full compliment of make-up artists, surgeons and flesh-tightening bulldog-clips.

What does this mean for porn? Are we ready for what close up sex really looks like? Will this usher in a new romantic age of more beautifully shot material, or are we destined to become familiar with Max Hardcore’s liver spots?

Remember I asked you guys for interview questions a few weeks ago? Well now the answers to those questions are online at Sexblo.gs. You were pretty direct, I was so tough with me I almost walked out on myself.

Click here for Sugar on Sugar (sweet enough for you baby?)

Enjoy these posts, the best of this week according to the bloggers who wrote them:

• An Appetite Ruined, But Not Mine (radicalvixen.com)
• Answering His Call (nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com)
• Bedroom Radio Episode #9 (bedroomradio.blogspot.com)
• Birthday Sex? (swelteringcelt.com)
• Blood, Sex & The Open Road (tirepaddle.com)
• Cockblogging Wednesday 8 (shaysexcolumn.blogspot.com)
• Collar: in training (livejournal.com/users/nicebluejournal)
• Daddy’s Little Girl… (mimredbeard.com)
• Ding Ring Ohhh (unfetteredcravings.blogspot.com)
• Fantasy – Pain & Pleasure – Part II (lionetteslair.blogspot.com)
• First Date (anyonesgirl.blogspot.com)
• Good News Everyone!!! (corinthiancouple.blogspot.com)
• Gushing (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com)
• House Rules (theholidaylife.blogspot.com)
• I wouldn’t mind if she was 80-something… (pornster.blogspot.com)
• One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor… (whatsyourpleasure.blogspot.com)
• Porn Problems for Ozzie and Harriet (seska4lovers.com)
• Real Bikers Love "Die Fledermaus" (bikersballsandteacherstits.blogspot.com)
• Squirt For Me (sexinga.blogspot.com)
• Technorati, Sex Bloggers Don’t Tag (sugarbank.com)
• Why, Yes, iMasturbate (sexerati.com)

(Participants – please repost the above links, as you find them here, by the end of the day on Sunday.)

As the bloggasm grows, I’d like to ensure it stays fair (in the real sense of the word fair, not the Fox News version.) To that end I’d like to find someone who’s prepared to help police it, visiting each site in the Bloggasm every Monday and making sure that all’s well. You’ll earn my respect and I’ll insert a link to you at here at the bottom of each post. Email me if you’re interested (and no – you don’t have to be a bloggasm participant, in many ways it’s better if you’re not).